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Henrik
Posted on Friday, November 05, 2004 - 09:16 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

A touch of evil (and Evel)
Ducati's 999R, a hyper-fast race bike for the street, has designs on
your soul.
By Dan Neil
LA Times Staff Writer

November 3, 2004

If you enjoy the wide-open freedom of a motorcycle, the wind in your
face, the carefree, horizon-chasing moment, then by all means avoid
the 2005 Ducati 999R.

This thing is misery on two wheels, a wickedly disposed and
temperamental exercise of sheer mechanical narcissism upon which you
assume a posture like it's flashlight inspection day in prison. Its
150-hp V-twin motor runs on damned souls and is lubricated with the
fat of unbaptized children. All this bike wants to do, all it dreams
about at night, is catapulting you over the handlebars or pitching
you backward onto the streaming concrete so you make one of those
slo-mo, Evel-Knievel-at-Ceasars-Palace death rolls in your fancy
Italian riding leathers.

So plan your day accordingly: After riding this bike, you will need
some time to unwind. Go for a Polynesian fire walk, perhaps. Play
some "Deer Hunter" roulette. Or, if so equipped, have a vasectomy.

The 999R is one of a mutant species of vehicles built to meet the
production-based rules of a racing series, a process called
homologation. The American Superbike Championship requires that
competing bikes must be largely based on series-production
motorcycles. In order to make the Ducatis more competitive, the
company has built a limited number (500) of 999Rs, which are, in
fact, pitifully disguised racing superbikes with just enough street-
legal spit on them to pass DMV inspection. The badge on the carbon-
fiber fender is that of the factory racing operation, Ducati Corse.

Made of steel, titanium, carbon fiber and sadism, the 999R is as
close as you are going to get to a grand prix motorcycle, and unless
you are a fantastic rider with years of experience, you don't want
to get that close. This bike will beat you down like you said
something bad about its mother.

Look for my name in the annals of motorcycle glory. You won't find
it. I am a competent but by no means expert rider. I accept this.
Call me a wimp, a weenie, a wuss, if you are inclined to excessive
alliteration. But this bike scares the pudding out of me.

So, there I was on Sunset Boulevard, puttering along in first gear
with about 1,500 rpm showing on the tach, hunched over the
handlebars. My sunglasses slipped down my nose.

When I took my right hand off the accelerator, there was the
briefest moment of adhesion between my palm and the gummy rubber
grip - just enough to goose the throttle slightly. The bike
jumped
like it had been poked with a cattle prod. Baaaa-WHAAAYH! The force
of the acceleration whip-lashed my helmeted head, wrenching my neck.

This was the first sunglasses-adjustment injury I have sustained.

One sunny Sunday morning, I got up early, determined to take the
bike for a proper stretch of the legs. Velcro'ed and zippered into
my motorcycle fetish leather, I pointed it down the 210 West and
wrung the throttle, working up through the gears yet shifting well
short of the bike's howling 11,000-rpm redline. In the 20 seconds or
so that it took me to reach fifth gear, the speedometer read ...
well,
I'm not going to tell you what the speedo read.

The point is, the bike was just waking up, just beginning to shake
its strange, low-speed awkwardness. The super-stiff springs and
shocks, which burr and tremble on the patched concrete around town,
went all velvety; the aero cowling, useless at 60 mph, threw the jet
stream over my ducked head, creating a small pocket of tranquillity
inside the headlong tornado; the engine - all chatters and
clatters
at low rpm - began resonating like a cathedral pipe-organ keyed
with
a Hallelujah chord.

My license would last about a week with this bike, maybe less.

So it is fast - top speed is about 190 mph (you didn't hear that
from me). But it's also quick.

The fundamental ratio of performance machines is power to weight,
usually expressed as pounds per horsepower. A Ferrari F430 with
driver weighs about 3,300 pounds, a burden shared by its 490
horsepower, which the abacus tells us is about 6.7 pounds per
horsepower. The Ducati 999R (dry weight of 398 pounds) weighs about
600 pounds with me on board, which means each of its 150 horsepower
must move only 4 pounds.

It's hard for those who have not saddled a superbike to appreciate
the sick, perverted violence of this equation. If you rev the 999R's
engine to about 6,000 rpm, shift as much of your weight as possible
over the front wheel, and gingerly slip the clutch for a couple
hundred feet - and if you can hang onto it - the bike will
accelerate from 0-60 mph in about 3 seconds. Your wits might take a
bit longer to catch up.

But woe betide the rookie who fails to execute the full-power launch
precisely right: The bike will be delighted ... delighted, thank
you ...
to wheelie over onto its, and your, back. Even in second and third
gear, the bike's massive torque (at 8,000 rpm) will easily pull
itself over your head in an asphalt full gainer.

Oh, and what's that smell? Why it's my roasting thighs.

The heart of the 999R (that is, if it had a heart) is the 999-cc
displacement, liquid-cooled, V-twin engine. This has to be the most
highly stressed engine in any street vehicle, producing 150 hp out
of less than one liter displacement.

The technology that goes into this bespoke, sand-cast engine is the
stuff of race engineering, but its essential feature - beside the
ludicrous power - is the unbelievably low reciprocating mass.
This
courtesy of alloy pistons, featherweight billet crank and exotic and
titanium-intensive "desmodromic" valve train - which is to say,
the
return action of the valves relies on an opposing rocker arm system
rather than passive valve springs.

What does all this mean? The internal moving parts of the engine are
extremely light, so they can accelerate and decelerate very quickly.
Gas the motor and the rpm shoot skyward. Heigh ho, Silver! (or its
equivalent in Italian). Let off the gas and the rpm and power
plummet - which can be quite exciting if, for example, you miss a
shift under hard acceleration. It would be very easy to be unhorsed
this way.

As hard as the bike speeds up, it slows down even harder. The
radially mounted Brembo front disc brakes are incredible.

But, again, the slightest misapplication of pressure on the right-
hand brake lever - say, two fingers instead of one - and the
bike
will stop dead in its tracks, leaving you to sail over the carbon-
fiber fairing like Buzz Lightyear.

The 999R is a very naughty motorcycle. However, I did learn a few
tricks on the serpentines of the Angeles Crest Highway that made my
time with the bike easier.

First, get all the braking done in a straight line; none of that
fancy trail-braking into the corner that you see on televised
Superbike races - you ain't Valentino Rossi and I'm certainly not.

Second, get off the saddle early and set up for the corner. The bike
is far too reactive, far too edgy, to permit sliding off the saddle
once you enter the corner.

Third, hold onto the bike with your legs; avoid putting any weight
on the grips. The slightest tug can cause the bike to surge out of
your control.

Fourth, stay in a higher gear than you might on a less powerful
bike. Crank the bike over on the tire sidewalls and roll on the
throttle and let the ludicrous amounts of torque pull you through
the corner. Have no fear. The bike's racing tires have stupendous
grip on dry pavement.

Fifth, use the force, Luke. As difficult as it may be, you have to
trust this bike. The harder you ride it, the more stable and secure
it feels. I practically stood the thing on its nose under braking
and the tail didn't wiggle an inch. I flopped it over from rail to
rail as hard as I knew how and the front end didn't even tremble.
Pound for ornery pound, this has got to be the most dynamically
perfect motorcycle in the world.

Yes, once you master the brakes, the stuttering dry-plate clutch,
the splenetic throttle, the aching-back riding position and its
overall rabid dog demeanor, the 999R can still be a traumatic life
event. I mean, come on, it's a racing bike! It is to normal street
bikes what crystal meth is to your morning coffee.

I have never been so relieved to park any vehicle unscathed in my
garage.

And yet, I confess, I was a little sad to see it go.

*

2005 Ducati 999R

Price, as tested: $32,000

Powertrain: 999-cc, sand-cast alloy, V-twin engine, liquid cooled,
desmodromic timing, four valves per cylinder six-speed transmission,
multi-disc dry sump clutch, chain drive, 15/36 final drive ratio.

Horsepower: 150 hp at 9,750 rpm

Torque: 86 pound-feet at 8,000 rpm

Weight: about 420 pounds

0-60 mph: 3 seconds

Top speed: 190 mph (estimated)

Wheelbase: 56 inches

Final thoughts: Light fuse, get away.


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------
Contact automotive critic Dan Neil at dan.neil@latimes.com.
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Newfie_buell
Posted on Friday, November 05, 2004 - 09:31 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

That sounds like fun!!!!
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Darthane
Posted on Friday, November 05, 2004 - 09:53 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

LOL...so, next time for new vehicle shopping, forget the Quad Cap pickup, Nissan Z, or BMW...and spend $32K on a motorcycle.

...and I thought $11K or $12K was steep.

Not that I wouldn't love to have one, though!
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Road_thing
Posted on Friday, November 05, 2004 - 10:02 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

No pull shock, either. And I have it on good authority that you can't steer it by pushing on the inside bar!

rt

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Henrik
Posted on Friday, November 05, 2004 - 11:04 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

r.t. : D

Henrik
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Dsergison
Posted on Friday, November 05, 2004 - 11:35 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

LOL. you guys make fall out of my chair at work.

the last one was the crazy motorcyclist thread. Someones (imortal in my memory) comment about your yamsack slapping your buttocks when you stand on the pegs riding neckid...

I almost had to go home
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Bomber
Posted on Friday, November 05, 2004 - 01:31 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

I think this boy musta spent his wonder years reading the good Doctor Hunter S. Thompson -- should be required reading, I think, for all motorcyclists -- that rant on riding his BSA over the Golden Gate with the snootfull of acid is classic!
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Spiderman
Posted on Friday, November 05, 2004 - 01:33 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

DUDE!!
I got wood.

Who wants to donate to the "Spidey needs a 999R Fund"? It is tax deductable!
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Glitch
Posted on Friday, November 05, 2004 - 01:37 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

"Spidey needs a 999R Fund"
Maybe we'll get more than we did for the Spidey needs a Tomahawk!
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Newfie_buell
Posted on Friday, November 05, 2004 - 01:57 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

Now that would be scary Glitch?!!!!
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Buellkowski
Posted on Friday, November 05, 2004 - 02:10 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

Spidey, it's only tax deductible if you do something non-profit & philanthropic with a 999R, like delivering medicine to Iraqis, ferrying refugees out of Darfur, etc.
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Road_thing
Posted on Friday, November 05, 2004 - 03:21 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

Kinda harks back to "The Song of the Sausage Creature", don't it?

rt
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Fullpower
Posted on Friday, November 05, 2004 - 03:21 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

i volunteer to engage in whole hearted philanthropy aboard a 999R. i will even buy all the fuel, and perform needed maintenance. contact me immediately for shipping instructions. thanks, dean
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Davegess
Posted on Friday, November 05, 2004 - 03:26 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

Thanks Henrik, neat piece.
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Ray_maines
Posted on Friday, November 05, 2004 - 08:00 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

I mean, how many people get audited anyway?

Just send Spydey a few big ones and go ahead and declare it next April 15th. I'm dropping $5,000 in the mail later tonight.

Oh BTW: I've got a cousin that has some really good farm land in Florida for sale if you're interested.
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Aesquire
Posted on Friday, November 05, 2004 - 10:06 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

I will happily deliver flu vaccine in the upstate & fingerlakes NY area. Pennsylvania too. I promise speedy delivery & well shaken vaccine. Unless it's raining. 150 HP on wet asphalt. eeep!
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Sandblast
Posted on Friday, November 05, 2004 - 10:29 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

I would use mine to speedily deliver donated organs to those who are getting them. There is no time to waste in such situations, and the need is dire for quick transportation. I would do this out of the goodness of my heart, on call, even if it took me away from work. Please include matching leathers with the donated bike- uh, organ transplant vehicle. Ping me for my street address, and no need to thank me.
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Spiderman
Posted on Friday, November 05, 2004 - 11:04 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

I am gonna give free rides to hot strippers without boy friends!

Kinda like big brothers an sisters thing LMAO
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Court
Posted on Saturday, November 06, 2004 - 06:00 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

Incredible writing
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Iamike
Posted on Saturday, November 06, 2004 - 08:58 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

Reminds me of Bill Cosby's story of when he bought a '68 Mustang GT500. It's a whole side of an album and still makes me laugh.
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Road_thing
Posted on Saturday, November 06, 2004 - 09:43 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

...pipes...
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Buellkowski
Posted on Saturday, November 06, 2004 - 11:02 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

I still use the term "burning out the gunk." My dad still has that Cosby album around somewhere...
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Tommy_2stroke
Posted on Saturday, November 06, 2004 - 10:30 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

FYI, Dan Neil won a Pulitzer Prize for journalism this year. It is highly unusual for an automotive writer to win a Pulitzer, but his Ducati review is a good example of his work. Great writer.

(Too bad he writes for the LA Times, which is generally so far to the political left I wouldn't use it for birdcage liner, but that's another thread entirely...)
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Rocketman
Posted on Sunday, November 07, 2004 - 03:40 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

All great writers are left wingers!

The strangest thing is, most America is right wing, yet they build hooligan bikes, and the odd hooligan car, for who exactly? Us lefty Euro loonies me thinks.

Rocket
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Reepicheep
Posted on Sunday, November 07, 2004 - 06:19 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

PJ O-Rourke is a righty that is a pretty good read.
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Brucelee
Posted on Sunday, November 07, 2004 - 10:39 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

PJ is an awesome writer. Highly recommend.
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Firebolt020283
Posted on Monday, November 08, 2004 - 09:16 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

ok why yall got to go turn a perfectly good motorcycle storie in to some politacal mess????
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Blublak
Posted on Monday, November 08, 2004 - 12:50 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

In the political vein.. Does anyone else know the origin of 'Left Wing' and 'Right Wing'?

What do you mean they build hooligan vehicles for 'left wingers'? I didn't know you had to prescribe to a political lock step to ride a Buell.. Damn.. Does that mean that EB is now gonna want his bike back because I'm not much of a tree hugger and I'm all politically incorrectical?

Besides, didn't Gore want to outlaw the internal combustion engine? I'm sure there are other examples, but I'm too happy riding to care to think of them...

Later,
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Josh_
Posted on Monday, November 08, 2004 - 01:29 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

Parliment
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Bomber
Posted on Monday, November 08, 2004 - 01:38 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

Funkadelics
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