| Author | Message | ||
     Jaimec |
I lost my wife, my love and my best friend suddenly and unexpectedly this past Wednesday. It still feels like a bad dream. How do you deal with this kind of loss? When my mother passed away it hurt, but we were prepared... we knew it was going to happen. But my wife was perfectly fine on Tuesday, and on Wednesday I watched helplessly as the hospital tried to revive her and eventually failed. The autopsy report won't be available for two months at the LEAST. I'm so lost right now... | ||
| Tpehak |
I usually do nothing. | ||
| Icantdrive55 |
So sorry to hear of your wife and best friend lost. I hope you have a strong network of friends to help you through this life-altering event. If not, don't be afraid to reach for help wherever it's available. Grief takes many forms and there's no official "timeline" to get through the steps to return to some semblance of normal. Treat yourself with kindness and care and allow your life to slow down for awhile so you can heal. Let us know how you're doing. | ||
| Chauly |
Jaime, I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot easily imagine how I would deal with that myself. It highlights the capricious nature of life, and how you cannot formulate enough plans to anticipate such an event. That being said, know that you have a community of friends here that go back years, and are a resource to talk to, virtually or personally. PM me if you need to talk... | ||
| Oldog |
Sorry To see this Jamie, My condolences. I lost my mom back in may, like '55 said its a little easier when you know its coming. Recently My X was diagnosed with an aortic aneurism that is un treatable if it ruptures she will be gone in a moment. Life is fleeting, at least you had a long and happy life together, honor her and remember the good time that you had.. | ||
| Jaimec |
That subject should be: "How do you COPE?" Not sure how that happened. How can I change it? | ||
| Zane |
Jaimec, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. | ||
| Sami |
Do not cope. Instead hope. Have faith. | ||
| Crusty |
Jaime, you have my deepest condolences. I don't know what to say, and that really bothers me. I've lost friends and loved ones over the years, but never anyone so close. If there's anything I can do to help, please don't hesitate to let me know. | ||
| Aesquire |
I wish you well, it's going to take time, you don't ever "get over" a loss like a parent or a partner, but the grief will ambush you less often as you keep on. That's not a comfort now. Just know you're not alone. | ||
| Zac4mac |
Jaime Condolences and prayers for strength. My wife killed herself two years and two days ago. 15 years and a total surprise to me. Apply yourself to projects to distract yourself from the grief, then take time for conscious grieving. I still have days that I don’t want to do anything but zone in front of the tv. Time slowly dulls the pain. Good luck and hope Z <edit>Call me if you want to talk about anything. It helps me a lot. 7two0 - six35 - 0eight77 (Message edited by zac4mac on June 25, 2021) | ||
| Jaimec |
OHMYGOD! Suicide? I had a cousin that took his own life some years back. I still remember the shock when I heard about that. Although my wife didn't commit suicide, her sudden, unexpected death would definitely be familiar to you. The outpouring of love I am getting from our friends is both heartwarming, and tears me apart. I want to talk about it, but I can't because I immediately get all choked up. Even now I have to stop because I can't clearly see the screen to see what I'm typing. | ||
| Mnscrounger |
" I want to talk.. I have to stop because I can't clearly see the screen to see what I'm typing." That's both the beauty and bane of this medium. The bad side being people can be downright hurtful and brutish without having to face the consequence of their poorly chosen words. On the upside, it gives you ample time to compose your thoughts, while compressing that time for those of us willing to listen. I am sorry for your loss, and while imagining yourself in another's place is good practice for empathy, I can't because it is too painful to consider. But years ago when I lost my father, a good friend of mine gave me this poem. It has comforted me every time someone dear to me is lost. I hope it will in its own time, help you as much. The Rose Beyond The Wall - A. L. Frink Near a shady wall a rose once grew, Budded and blossomed in God's free light, Watered and fed by the morning dew, Shedding it's sweetness day and night. As it grew and blossomed fair and tall, Slowly rising to loftier height, It came to a crevice in the wall Through which there shone a beam of light. Onward it crept with added strength With never a thought of fear or pride, It followed the light through the crevice's length And unfolded itself on the other side. The light, the dew, the broadening view Were found the same as they were before, And it lost itself in beauties new, Breathing it's fragrance more and more. Shall claim of death cause us to grieve And make our courage faint and fall? Nay! Let us faith and hope receive-- The rose still grows beyond the wall, Scattering fragrance far and wide Just as it did in days of yore, Just as it did on the other side, Just as it will forever-more | ||
| Froggy |
Jaime, I'm not much with words or emotions, and I've not experienced a great loss like this so I'm not really able to relate, but I am able to use my godlike abilities to fix your thread title. But seriously, if there is anything you need a hand with or you just want to talk, I am here. Especially if it is over BBQ. | ||
| Jaimec |
My wife was a registered organ donor. Unfortunately, due to her very poor physical condition the only viable part of her they could use were her eyes. I hope that someone gains the gift of sight from her, and in a small way she'll live on through that person. I first heard this poem in a recent episode of "NCIS" and it is applicable here: Epitaph By Merrit Malloy When I die Give what’s left of me away To children And old me that wait to die. And if you need to cry, Cry for your brother Walking the street beside you. And when you need me, Put your arms Around anyone And give them What you need to give to me. I want to leave you something, Something better Than words Or sounds. Look for me In the people I’ve known Or loved, And if you cannot give me away, At least let me live on in your eyes And not your mind. You can love me most By letting Hands touch hands, By letting bodies touch bodies, And by letting go Of children That need to be free. Love doesn’t die, People do. So, when all that’s left of me Is love, Give me away. | ||
| Jaimec |
Thanks, Frank. I'll definitely be in touch before the end of the summer. | ||
| Kmbuell |
Jamie, my most sincere condolences. I lost my first wife of 34 year to pancreatic cancer 11 years ago. While we had 25 months to prepare, I was not ready for the toll it took on me. Friends and family help, they lost her too and needed to grieve. Talk when you can to people who care for you. Don't be surprised when grief sneaks up on you, I still have moments to this day. Your life goes on, she would want you to keep living and be happy. That will take some work. I believe there is a plan for us all. It's tough because we don't know what it is. Hang in there brother, I did a lot of rides by myself the first year. Riding a motorcycle makes you concentrate on the present. She would want that for you. The next few months will be very hard. You will get through them, she will guide you. Kevin | ||
| Rick_a |
Well, thankfully I left my wife before things got any worse...that said...back when we could stand eachother I'm sure it may have been a more difficult loss. She went from, "I can't live this life without you," to, "it's not fair that you're leaving me with all this junk." Sorry for your loss. At least you loved eachother forever instead of her hating you forever. | ||
| Macbuell |
Oh shit. I'm so sorry. I dont even know what to say. I'm a big Rush fan and for some reason this made me think of Neal Peart. In about a years time he lost his daughter in a car accident and his wife to breast cancer. He took time away from the band, rode his BMW motorcycle around North and South America and wrote a book about his travels and dealing with his grief. Once again, I am very sorry for your loss and will keep you in my prayers. | ||
| Ourdee |
Jaime, I also am so sorry for your loss. How do you cope? Do not be afraid to cry. Take the time to grieve. I just give into having a good cry when I am over whelmed. There is no shame. You won't get over it. Don't try. Time will help but won't cure you. Crying spells may let up over time. Don't be afraid to laugh. It is a medicine. Embrace friends and help others. We do not know what we have been blessed with till we loose that blessing. Be thankful in all things. I will pray to my God that you will find joy and comfort that fills your days and rest in your nights. | ||
| 86129squids |
Allow me. I don't Karen how many snipes TPHAT wants to hunt.  | ||
| 86129squids |
Send me your contact info. My sister will help. | ||
| 86129squids |
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| Jaimec |
I just realized that some of you actually did get to meet her. Back in 2014 when we got together for lunch at the (now defunct) Stamford Dinosaur BBQ. I remember her chatting with Froggy's other half. That's her in the blue top.  | ||
| Brother_in_buells |
Jaimec ,my condolences for the loss of your wife. There is no wrong or right way to deal with the loss of a loved one! Last year 30 of May we lost our son a couple hours before birth. There is already one year past , but sometimes it feels like last week. The world is spinning forward but it can feel like we keep standing still! | ||
| Macbuell |
My wife recommended this site. Griefshare.org You can get online support or actually attend meetings if that sounds helpful. | ||
| 1313 |
Griefshare.org You can get online support or actually attend meetings if that sounds helpful. My mom has pretty regularly attended Griefshare meetings since my dad passed in 2019. | ||
| Ltbuell |
Jaimec, sorry for your loss. Condolences and prayers. I told my step dad, after my mom passed, that there is no etched in stone time frame for mourning/ handling grief. You will go through it, and one day you'll move on. Cherish the memories. Hold them near and dear to you. Focus on the good juju. Take one day at a time. Pray and give to Jesus to help you through. He IS there.He's helped me through alot of my ordeals. Both of my health issues in 2016. My abdominal artery rupture( almost bought the farm, but wasn't my time). Same year i dealt with colorectal cancer( yeah both in one year). Still dealing with the side effects from it( chemo and radiation related and missing 3/4 of my large intestine. Hence, why i have to sell my '00 Buell X-1 Lightning. Don't have the strength to pick it up). Anyway, you have a huge support group around you( people here as well your immediate family and relatives, friends, etc. I lost my one younger brother to diabetes. I wasn't close by, when it happened. When my mom fell down and got injured and was in the hospital, i wanted to come down and see her( she was in the Bay Area and we were living up at Lake Tahoe. It happened around November. Was snowing then. She said don't come down in the inclement weather. I was bound and determined to. But i made a promise to her i wouldn't. Unfortunately, she passed about a week later , in the hospital. That played on my for a long time. That was back in the early 2000's. Through all of what has happened to me, i pray every day and give thanks and gratitude to the Big Guy upstairs, and put it in his hands. I am a member of CMA( Christian Motorcycle Association) as well. That has helped me as well as others out there. That makes it even harder selling my Buell. Love the open road ministries. Doing bike blessings is one awesome experience. I know from personal experience. Just saying. May you be blessed and comforted in these times of mourning.Prayers. | ||
| Blake |
Deep heartfelt condolences Jaime. That kind of huge sudden loss has no easy resolution. Just one thing that might help. What do you figure she'd would be saying to you now about your grief if she could? Reflect on all the good times. Maybe do something in her honor as a remembrance that she would appreciate? Plant a tree, donate to a charity, finish a honey-do that she'd appreciate. Anything like that. She knew you loved her, and that is huge. | ||
| Court |
Jaime: Just saw this and my condolences and prayers are with you. I've probably known you longer than most here and have always been amazed with your zest and zeal for life. I suspect that didn't happen in a vacuum and that, having never met your wife, it was a product of the way the two of you lived your life. I hope you will find strength in all the genuine support in the wonderful friends you have met on 2 wheels. We are all here for you in your time of sorrow. I know you well enough that this really makes me hurt and, as a community, we're all here for you. If you ever need to escape to the undisclosed location . . . you are always welcome. With prayers, Court |
