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Mr_grumpy
| Posted on Wednesday, May 27, 2009 - 06:01 pm: |
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1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented? 2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes? 3. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? 4. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? 5. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? 6. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? 7. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say? 8. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist? 9. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites? 10. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things? 11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one? 12. 'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence? 13. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed? 14. What hair colour do they put on the driver's licences of bald men? 15. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered if Chinese mothers use toothpicks? 16. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the post? 17. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. 18. No one ever says, 'It's only a game' when their team is winning. 19. Ever wonder about those people who spend two pound a piece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: 20. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? 22. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhoea, does that mean that 1 enjoys it? 23. Why if you send something by road it is called a shipment, but when you send it by sea it is called cargo? 24. If a convenience store is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the door? |
Texastechx1
| Posted on Wednesday, May 27, 2009 - 07:13 pm: |
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7. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say? MMEEEEEEE! |
Iamike
| Posted on Wednesday, May 27, 2009 - 10:22 pm: |
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Where I grew up we had a town nearby called Lisbon. We always wondered if the residents were called Lisbions. |
Swampy
| Posted on Wednesday, May 27, 2009 - 10:44 pm: |
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Curley from the Three Stooges, eleventy one, eleventy two, eleventy three, eleventy four.... Number 24: The doors are locked on the Cosey Mart up the street because it keeps people from getting in after O'dark thirty, and robbing the place. |
Danger_dave
| Posted on Thursday, May 28, 2009 - 12:18 am: |
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How come only one hole in your watch band gets all the action? |
Pkforbes87
| Posted on Thursday, May 28, 2009 - 12:30 am: |
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"How come only one hole in your watch band gets all the action?" I find that the other holes are too loose/tight. |
Limitedx1
| Posted on Thursday, May 28, 2009 - 08:18 am: |
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"how many pairs of pants does it take before you realize, you need a catch can?" (tube riders only, lol) |
Doughnut
| Posted on Thursday, May 28, 2009 - 09:37 am: |
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14. What hair colour do they put on the driver's licences of bald men? BAL |
Spiderman
| Posted on Thursday, May 28, 2009 - 09:57 am: |
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2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes? And what if it is a mixed baby, would it be a pole-hole? |
Court
| Posted on Thursday, May 28, 2009 - 11:12 am: |
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I can't answer the question but I can tell you that the Polish girl who asked to have her picture taken with me after my speech last Tuesday sure changed my opinion of Polish gals! |
Spiderman
| Posted on Thursday, May 28, 2009 - 11:18 am: |
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It's all about the Polaks
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Cobra
| Posted on Thursday, May 28, 2009 - 12:10 pm: |
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Why do you drive on a parkway and park on a driveway? |
Doerman
| Posted on Thursday, May 28, 2009 - 12:26 pm: |
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Why do California Freeways have toll lanes |
Doughnut
| Posted on Thursday, May 28, 2009 - 12:30 pm: |
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If con is the opposite of pro. . . . . . is Congress the opposite of progress? |
Hootowl
| Posted on Thursday, May 28, 2009 - 12:40 pm: |
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"6. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?" If his name is Bernard Madoff, it makes perfect sense. |
Dropnstyle
| Posted on Thursday, May 28, 2009 - 09:19 pm: |
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Why do kamikazi's wear helmets? Why do they swab the area of a lethal injection? are they afraid of infection? If nothing sticks to teflon how does teflon stick to the pan? |
Mr_grumpy
| Posted on Friday, May 29, 2009 - 03:31 am: |
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Court, I've known about Polish girls since we used to deliver truckloads of televisions there after the wall came down. Ditto Czech girls & Hungarians too. Remind me to tell you sometime........ |
Danger_dave
| Posted on Friday, May 29, 2009 - 04:22 am: |
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Polish = great rack. |
Cityxslicker
| Posted on Friday, May 29, 2009 - 05:24 am: |
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Ah I do love me some E block womenz, best thing that ever happened to Europe was when the Wall came down.... and French women discovered perfume was not a substitute for bathing. |
4dwuds
| Posted on Sunday, May 31, 2009 - 11:29 pm: |
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Why do they call them apartments when they are so close together ? You don't need a hot water heater, if the water was hot, you would not need to heat it, You need a cold water heater. |
Mr_wizard
| Posted on Monday, June 01, 2009 - 08:58 am: |
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Why do you park in a driveway and drive on a parkway? Why are astroids in space and hemroids on your ass? If there were 8 days in a week what would the 8th day be called? |
Swordsman
| Posted on Monday, June 01, 2009 - 09:02 am: |
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I visited the Czech Republic for a wedding. I told my wife we couldn't stay... it would put too much of a strain on our wedding vows. I'm devoted, but DAMN! ~SM |
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