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Chadhargis
| | Posted on Friday, December 05, 2008 - 11:51 am: | 
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Wow Skin...you sound just like a couple of friends of mine (although one did finally get married after living with his girlfriend for 7 years).
Both of them have the same attitude. I do agree with you that once you get married, things change.
Honestly, if I had to defend marriage, I'd have a hard time doing it from anything other than a religious/morally acceptable standpoint.
If you love someone, you don't need a ring, a piece of paper, or an expensive ceremony to show it. It's something that's in your heart. You do things for them and they do things for you not because you have to, but because you want to.
You sacrifice buying a new bike so you can give a gift to your wife instead. Same goes for kids. They are a blessing. A lot of work, yes. But I have to tell you, I'm not an "emotional" guy. I don't cry at movies or anything. But the smallest things my daughter does have on occasions nearly brought tears to my eyes. It's the most rewarding thing in the world being a parent. Hard job, but best one I've ever had.
As far as buying a ring, well, I was just out of college, trying to get out of debt, and broke when I bought my wife's ring. It cost me $600, which I had to borrow from my Mom (but I paid her back). I could have afforded to buy her an expensive ring later, but she wouldn't hear of it. She said she wants the one I gave to her when we got engaged. The diamond means nothing to her, it's what it represents that's important. If your girlfriend doesn't feel the same way....RUN, RUN, RUN!!!
My wife has told me many times, she'd have been just as happy with a Cracker Jack toy ring. God bless her! |
Electraglider_1997
| | Posted on Friday, December 05, 2008 - 11:59 am: |
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This article is long but explains how the diamond cartel called DeBeers has made fools of the world in regards to the value of a diamond. Don't be sucked into buying a diamond unless you enjoy being manipulated. They've even conned the public into never reselling diamonds. IMHO diamonds are only good for industrial purposes.
http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/198202/diamond |
Skinstains
| | Posted on Friday, December 05, 2008 - 12:04 pm: |
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+1 on the diamond cartel. All they are are shiny rocks. I personally think a nice cut polished piece of coal would look better. But that's too plentifull, we need something a bit more scarce too sell the rubes. |
Preybird1
| | Posted on Friday, December 05, 2008 - 12:19 pm: |
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my friend has never been married for 25 yrs and has kids , I will never get married either why bother. Im on skids side of the fence with this one. I had a g friend for tens years and we lived together for 6 yrs got engaged and it all went to crap as soon as i gave her a ring! Buy yourself 2 bikes and get here a nice little promise ring! That will buy you some time! I as a rule of thumb like to replace them every 10 yrs. |
Acav80
| | Posted on Friday, December 05, 2008 - 01:01 pm: |
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Ok I gotta chime. I've been married 3 months now, 26 years old, she's 28.
I guess if both he and she have non-traditional ideas about how a relationship should work, then what Skinstains is describing could work, but it just wouldn't in my situation.
My wife and I are both from fairly traditional families, and although I would like to do everything on my terms at all times, I just can't do that without feeling like a d-head. She expects me to commit to her, be there for her, do things together, and make decisions as a unit. As irritating as that can be at times, it would be downright cruel if I got a woman like her emotionally attached to me and then starved her of the things she needs from me. So I do my best to not just think of myself all the time. Sometimes that sucks. It's a valuable lesson to learn that some things in life must take precedence over your own wants and desires.
On the ring subject...this time last year I was hot and heavy on diamond research. We had talked about diamonds some and we both think the DeBeers cartel and the industry as a whole are shady and didn't like the idea of supporting them. I still wanted to get her a nice ring, though. What I ended up with was a Gemesis stone, a laboratory grown pure diamond, from one of the very few companies who are actually legit. I recommend staying away from DiamondNexusLabs...lots of jewelry forum talk about questionable products from them.
The Gemesis stone I got was not cheap, but it was WAAAAY less than a natural yellow diamond would have been. It's really a unique and beautiful stone, it gets stares of amazement all the time.
She would've been happy with a cracker jack ring on the day I asked her. As others have said, it's not about the ring. If you make the best effort of your life to express how you feel to her, she won't even notice the fact that you're not waving a ring around in front of her. |
Hangetsu
| | Posted on Friday, December 05, 2008 - 01:16 pm: |
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Wow! I didn't know there were so many marriage counselors out there in Uly land. And thing, most people have to pay $100/hour for this kind of advice 
To be honest though, I would question the wisdom of being in a long term relationship with anyone who's values are diametrically opposed to my own. If a women's "nesting" impulses require that I give up my passions, dangerous ones included, and become a couch potato-money machine to give her a sense of security, then that aint the woman for me. It's not a question of becoming an ass hole and saying "it's my way or the highway". It's simply a matter of finding someone who shares the same values and is willing to accept ricks in life.
My 2 cents
A- |
Cityxslicker
| | Posted on Friday, December 05, 2008 - 01:29 pm: |
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I wish I could find it,
There was a photo ad in Mens Health long ago (before they got way Metro) that said something to the affect of Two Months Salary. Showed a diamond ring, and below it an old beat up Mustang under half a tarp in a garage. Tag line was something like, there really is only one clear choice; welcome to Miller  |
Jumpinjewels
| | Posted on Friday, December 05, 2008 - 02:07 pm: |
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Skinstains, sounds like you're the kinda guy a woman would want to stay away from
My hubby prayed for 13 yrs for the right woman and he got me. I made him buy a Buell cause the one he had prior wasn't as lively as the Buell. I'd love to have a garage full of Buells. We do have 5 bikes in the garage tho, 2 Buells, 1 Sv650 and 2 dirt bikes.
I'd say he's made out OK and we're the best of friends. He actually makes out his own Honey do list and stays very busy doing things he enjoys.
Best of luck to you! |
Chadhargis
| | Posted on Friday, December 05, 2008 - 03:19 pm: |
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My wife doesn't particularly like the fact that I ride, and downright HATES that I do track days, but she loves me and would never deny me the things I enjoy.
In fact, when we moved back in March, she specifically looked for a house which would have provisions for my shop so that my motorcycles could live in heated and cooled comfort versus in a cold garage.
I converted a downstairs bonus room into a workshop. Wound up like this:
What a woman!
Of course, she got the REST of the house. I sleep under a flower covered "comforter" and have to look at "dust ruffles" on all the beds. The money that woman has spent in pillows, curtains, nick nacks, and crap would have bought a dang nice motorcycle.....but hey...I got a neat shop. |
Hooper
| | Posted on Friday, December 05, 2008 - 03:32 pm: |
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That is just fantastic...put a sofa and a fridge in there, and I'd never leave. |
Froggy
| | Posted on Friday, December 05, 2008 - 03:39 pm: |
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Chad, does she have a sister??
Lucky bastard |
Aeholton
| | Posted on Friday, December 05, 2008 - 04:07 pm: |
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Nice man cave Chad. |
Chadhargis
| | Posted on Friday, December 05, 2008 - 05:46 pm: |
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The fridge is in the garage just a few feet away. Yes, it IS stocked with beer (and water for riding days).
No room for a sofa, especially since the scooter moved in, now I have three two wheelers on the checker board.
I have a stool and a chair, and if you look closely, you can see I even have a "throne room", so if you count that, I have three places to sit.
I do take showers down there everyday. Sneak down to play some X-Box too.
And Froggy...yes....she has a sister. She's not married. Well, at least not until the pass a gay marriage law in Tennessee. LOL! |
Electraglider_1997
| | Posted on Friday, December 05, 2008 - 06:17 pm: |
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Two months salary for a ring. Talk about DeBeer's mind control. I got my wife a birth stone for an engagement ring, and a gold band for a wedding ring. She never complained at the time and never has and it's been since 1989. If to make your woman feel right you have to pony up 2 months salary for a finger bauble then that's f'd up and you'd better hide the credit cards. Where does it say that everyone has to do everything the same. I like to do everything different. That's why I ride a Uly instead of a crotch rocket. |
Skinstains
| | Posted on Friday, December 05, 2008 - 08:07 pm: |
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I can't believe we are actually having a civil discussion with such differing opinions.
Hey Jumpinjewels, maybe she is the kind of girl boys should stay away from (I heard she knows how to do dirty tricks).?! We are good for each other but neither of us would fit into any mold that I've ever seen. We figure that people grow in different directions and one day we might. If we do we can just walk away from one another. No lawyers, no fighting, no lifelong debt just a nice mature conversation discussing what is happening. If two people really cared for each other at one time how can they behave so badly to each other the way so many couples do in their divorces and brakeups ? The analogy we like to use is this; How many best friends have you had since you were a child ? More than one right ? I'm figuring almost everyone has changed their click or group several times during their life. Do you hate the friends that you used to have long ago but don't even know if they're alive or dead today ? I'm going to assume not. Who said that at 20 or 25 years of age you are supposed to be done growing ? What if you do grow apart ? Shouldn't you be able and comfortable enough to sit down with this person and tell them that ? Or should you have to stay together and suffer because you are married until you hate each other ? If my girl (Sweet Nikki) told me tonight that she feels as though she may want a break from "us", or has got some feelings developing for someone else, that would be great. Not great because she wants to go, but great because we sat down and discussed it like two people that care for each other even if one of us does want a change. We would certainly remain civil to each other and would have none of the hate and disdane that would come from knowing that your partner was running around on you because 30 years ago they made a promise that they would have to be Kreskin to make.
(Message edited by skinstains on December 05, 2008)
(Message edited by skinstains on December 05, 2008) |
Ourdee
| | Posted on Friday, December 05, 2008 - 08:49 pm: |
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Good ole Kreskin. Skin, part of my deal w/marriage is monetary in that if I go, she gets social security bennies and bobbles from my employer. Sounds like you found a good one. I did too. Why can we understand each person's different needs in a mate but, can't understand why another person's needs in choice of a (brand, type) bike is not like our own? And take that personal?
Only thing I can think of now is some advice I heard from my pastor, "If the two of you are the same, one of you is redundant." |
Skinstains
| | Posted on Friday, December 05, 2008 - 09:22 pm: |
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Hey Ourdee, wanna go out and beat up some Honda riders ? Those guys really boil my blood. |
Ourdee
| | Posted on Friday, December 05, 2008 - 09:31 pm: |
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Man, I'm laughing hard now. We could start with my buddy next door. I sold him my XL500S when I moved to the xt. I knew I wasn't going to ride it anymore. |
Skinstains
| | Posted on Friday, December 05, 2008 - 11:56 pm: |
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Well lets get him...where you at ? |
Ourdee
| | Posted on Saturday, December 06, 2008 - 12:38 am: |
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North Central Illinois |
Tginnh
| | Posted on Monday, December 08, 2008 - 07:04 am: |
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Chad - is that a tire rack up by the ceiling? That is some nice shop/studio/office you put together.
My ring story is almost exactly like yours the only difference being I was still in college and I used $600 worth of student loans. My wife of 21+ years wore that ring for many moons until we upgraded to a bigger, shinier stone and setting. I have bought her many expensive bobbles and bangles over the years (didn't hurt that she worked at a jewelry store at the time) and each time she loved what she got and I just shook my head. What the h*ll, right? I don't get it. Jewelry serves no practical purpose...maybe that's the point... |
Chadhargis
| | Posted on Monday, December 08, 2008 - 10:33 am: |
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Yep...that's a tire rack mounted over the double doors that go out to the garage.
It comes in very handy.
I was going to mount it over the tire machine, but it would have blocked the light, so I put it on the other side of the room. |
Hooper
| | Posted on Monday, December 08, 2008 - 02:00 pm: |
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Electra Glider...thanks for the DeBeers article - it was pretty chilling (like ice), and it, along with many of the other opinions I've been getting have definitely led me to reduce the "scope" of any such "gesture" when I pop the question.
That article is also very old, from February 1982. The very end says that unless DeBeers can keep the huge backroom surplus of diamonds from reaching the market, diamond prices will collapse and the idea of "a diamond is forever" will be over. I guess it didn't happen.
To me, the biggest takeaway was that we should not be viewing diamonds as an investment, that if you want one because you like the looks of them or you like the symbolism that they (rightly or wrongly) possess, you should just expect to keep it forever, or sell it at a shocking loss. It's kind of like buying a bottle of wine at a restaurant: if you end up not opening it and take it home with you, you're not going to find anyone on the planet who will buy it from you at the price you paid at the restaurant (except maybe a high school student). |
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