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Buell Forum » Quick Board Archives » Archive through February 19, 2008 » "Quotes", Jokes, Wisdom, Humor & Stuff » Drinking Quotes « Previous Next »

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Kccyclone
Posted on Friday, December 02, 2005 - 02:17 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come
true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
~ Jack Handy

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what happened to your bra and panties.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day."
~ Frank Sinatra

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
~ Henny Youngman

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are
laughing WITH you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."
~ Stephen Wright

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"When we drink, we get drunk. ! When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"
~ Brian O'Rourke

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
~ Benjamin Franklin

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a
retard.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."
~ Dave Barry

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!
~ Dave Howell

WARNING: The consumption o f alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers. One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo
Theory to his buddy Norm. Here's how it went: "Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the
whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient
machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
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Dana P.
Posted on Friday, December 02, 2005 - 03:05 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

Support your local
BARTENDER
Helping ugly people Get Laid!!
}}
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Dana P.
Posted on Friday, December 02, 2005 - 03:11 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

Visit Your bartender:
Go past the light,
turn left & tip right!!
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Dana P.
Posted on Friday, December 02, 2005 - 03:13 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

Brought to you by the....

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Djkaplan
Posted on Friday, December 02, 2005 - 04:08 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.

~Me
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Rek
Posted on Friday, December 02, 2005 - 04:44 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

In Vino Veritas
In Cerevisia Felicitas

(in wine there is truth; in beer there is happiness)

Rob
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Dagwood
Posted on Friday, December 02, 2005 - 04:52 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

Drink what you want, drink what you're able. If you are drinking with me, you'll be under the table.
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Road_thing
Posted on Friday, December 02, 2005 - 06:17 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

"Winston, you're drunk!"

--Bessie Braddock to Sir Winston Churchill

"Bessie, you're ugly. But tomorrow I shall be sober."

---Sir Winston Churchill

Why can't I come up with a pearl like that when I'm drunk?

rt
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Buellbozo
Posted on Friday, December 02, 2005 - 08:33 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

"BEER!IT'S NOT JUST FOR BREAKFAST ANYMORE!"..."HEY NORM!!WADDAYA SAY TO A COLD BEER??""HELLO SAILOR!!"
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1313
Posted on Friday, December 02, 2005 - 09:42 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

Beer and pretzels...The breakfast of champions!

My spin on it:

Beer and cold pizza...The breakfast of champions!

My favorite drinking quote of all time is.

.

.

.

.

.

GIMME ANOTHER ONE!

or when in Germany - Ein Bier bitte!

1313
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Dbird29
Posted on Friday, December 02, 2005 - 10:39 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

HMMMMM
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Metalstorm
Posted on Saturday, December 03, 2005 - 12:55 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

"Cervesa pour some more"

Last night I was so drunk I left the bar at 2:00 with a 10 and I woke up at 10:00 with a 2!

Last night I was so drunk I went home with Bo Derrik & woke up with Bo Diddley!
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Oddbawl
Posted on Saturday, December 03, 2005 - 02:28 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

"Work is the curse of the drinking classes." Oscar Wilde
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Cochise
Posted on Saturday, December 03, 2005 - 02:51 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

I'm not under the alcafluence of incahol although many tinkle may peep I am!

I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
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Dbird29
Posted on Saturday, December 03, 2005 - 05:23 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

Beer. - Homer Simpson
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1313
Posted on Saturday, December 03, 2005 - 05:24 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

Take me drunk,
I'm home!

1313
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Wardan123
Posted on Saturday, December 03, 2005 - 09:39 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

"Whisk-opalians"
(Episcopalians - I'm one and can laugh at myself)
"Where there are four, you'll find a fifth!"
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Kdan
Posted on Saturday, December 03, 2005 - 10:30 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

On a fishing trip, how do you keep a Baptist from drinking all your beer?


Invite another Baptist.
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Cochise
Posted on Sunday, December 04, 2005 - 12:18 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

What's the difference between a Catholic and a Baptist?

The Catholic will say "hi" to you in a bar.
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Tramp
Posted on Sunday, December 04, 2005 - 12:36 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

brilliant.cochise
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Z_girl
Posted on Sunday, December 04, 2005 - 03:45 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

It's not a quote, but a good joke nonetheless:

An Irishman, an Englishman and a Scotsman go into a pub. Each orders a pint of Guinness. Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and land-- one, two, three-- in each of the pints.
The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away and demands another... the Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow.
The Irishman reaches in to the glass, grabs the fly between his fingers and shakes him as hard as he can, shouting "Spit it out, ya bloody bastard! Spit it out!"

And some Irish toasts:

May the winds of fortune sail you,
May you sail a gentle sea.
May it always be the other guy
who says, "this drink's on me."

May you always have a clean shirt, a clear conscience, and enough coins in your pocket to buy a pint!

Enjoy!
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Xbjelly9s
Posted on Sunday, December 04, 2005 - 05:43 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

ONE MORE AND I GOTTA GO!
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Charlieboy6649
Posted on Sunday, December 04, 2005 - 11:26 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

Spelling not correct for pronunciation...

Bidu O Kudasai!
Two-O Wa Doco des ka?

Cervesa Por Favor!
Donde esta el banyo?

A beer please.
Where's the bathroom?

All I need to know in Japan and Mexico.
Someone help me out for other countries...
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Sportyeric
Posted on Monday, December 05, 2005 - 04:11 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

And another reputedly Irish toast:

May those who love us, love us.
And those who don't love us, may God turn their hearts.
And if He won't, may He turn their ankles so we'll know them by their limp.
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Bomber
Posted on Monday, December 05, 2005 - 02:55 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

My Drinking Team
Has a Racing Problem
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Brumbear
Posted on Friday, October 19, 2007 - 07:21 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

three guys in a bar 1st guy says I got so messed up last night guys I blew chunks!!
second guy says thats nothin I got so messed up I threw up and peed myself
third guy says THATS NOTHIN I puked peed and pooped my pants
1st guy say I really don't think you guys understand
CHUNKS IS MY DOG
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Glitch
Posted on Friday, October 19, 2007 - 08:23 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

Starkel starkel little twink
Who the heck you are I think
I'm not under the alfluence of inkelhol
As some thinkel peep I am
I fool so feelish
I don't know who is me yet
The drunker I sit here the longer I get
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Spiderman
Posted on Friday, October 19, 2007 - 08:48 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

not a drinking quote but a drinkin tale none the less.



These are the Liver Birds (Liver is prounounced like the iver in Driver) they are on the Liver Building in downtown Liverpool, England.

The one looking to the left is looking out to see to make sure all the sailors and fisherman make it back safe, while the one looking to the right looks over the city to make sure the pubs are open. And believe me they were : )
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Tq_freak
Posted on Sunday, October 21, 2007 - 09:13 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

"You can't drink all day if you don't start in the morning"
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Cyclonedon
Posted on Tuesday, October 23, 2007 - 12:47 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

do you know the difference between an Irish wake and an Irish wedding?



one less drunk at the wake!
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Brumbear
Posted on Saturday, February 16, 2008 - 08:00 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

after my return from my army hitch in Germany my mother said to me
Davey did you get drunk alot over their I said no Ma only once
and it was the best 2 years 11 month and 18 day drunk I ever had.
Zwie bier ist besser
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