| Author | Message | ||
     Newfie_buell |
Blake, If this goes into a heated discussion PLEASE DELETE - we need something to laugh at.  | ||
| Newfie_buell |
Florida Voting Machine | ||
| Naughtynurse |
ROFLMO | ||
| Aesquire |
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| Phillyblast |
Clinton was in Philly today - he was overheard telling some folks he was campaigning for Kerry because "He's never seen anyone get the top off a Heinz that fast"  | ||
| Whodom |
This is pretty funny: http://www.flowgo.com/funpages/view.cfm/6019 | ||
| Glitch |
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| Buellkowski |
This Modern World | ||
| Stealthxb |
There are two weeks until the election, an election that will decide the next President of the United States. The man elected will be the President of all Americans, not just the Democrats or the Republicans. To show our solidarity as Americans, let's all get together now and show each other our support for the candidate of our choice. It's time that we all come together, Democrats and Republicans alike. If you support the policies and character of George W. Bush, please drive with your headlights on during the day. If you support John Kerry, please drive with your headlights off at night. Thank you for your support of this important cooperative effort! | ||
| Blake |
George Bush and the Pope were out boating on the Potomac River. Suddenly, a great gust of wind blew off the Pope's head covering. George dutifully got out of the boat and, walking on the water, retrieved the pope's lid. The entire event was witnessed by a New York Times reporter whose story garnered the following headline on the next day's front page: | ||
| Road_thing |
Stealthxb: Boy, are you gonna be surprised when you show up at your polling place two weeks from today! Barring a repeat of 2000's post-election legal activities, we'll have known who the winner is for a week! rt | ||
| Doughnut |
If you support the policies and character of George W. Bush, please drive with your headlights on during the day. If you support John Kerry, please drive with your headlights off at night. What about us who support Nader?  | ||
| Bluzm2 |
I thought Nader types didn't drive | ||
| Midknyte |
What about us who support Nader? Drive out into the middle of an intersection and just sit there. | ||
| Mr_grumpy |
No Drive Nader out into the intersection and sit him there, & hope it's a Roadrunner or a GTO that flatten him. Now that would be poetic justice.  jmho | ||
| Crusty |
No Drive Nader out into the intersection and sit him there, & hope it's a Roadrunner or a GTO that flatten him. Nah, a Corvair! | ||
| Whodom |
Speaking of Nader, I heard this on the news the other night. In one of the states where the petition to have him on the ballot was thrown out, it turned out that one of the first alleged signatures on the list was from a guy who ran a Corvair restoration parts business. Needless to say, his signature was NOT authentic. | ||
| Arbalest |
Crusty, to be specific, a 1964 Corvair with swing axles (you know, just like a Volkswagen). I wonder why he didn't write a book about Volkswagens? Probably because all of his fans and supporters were driving Volkswagens. | ||
| Glitch |
One finger victory salute Click "Watch the video here!" | ||
| Hootowl |
Thats pretty cool. I wonder how many pictures I can find of people flipping off the camera on this board? | ||
| Blake |
**** The Iraq war and the Democrats: "John Kerry has said that we need to 'de-Americanize' the war -- I guess on the theory that the 'de-Americanizing' process has worked so well for the Democratic Party." **** Gay marriage: "Gays usually bring up the argument about all the straight couples living in 'sham' marriages, but I see no point in dragging the Clintons into this." **** Modern anti-Christian bias: "There is no surer proof of Christ's divinity than that he is still so hated some 2,000 years after his death." **** Hillary's memoirs: "Hillary has already gotten a record $8 million advance from Simon & Schuster for the book -- reportedly the most anyone has ever received for rewriting history." **** The New York Times's war coverage: "Apparently, the Times's stylebook now requires all reports of violence anywhere within 1,000 miles of Iraq to be dated from Bush's speech declaring an end to 'major combat' operations." **** The parties: "Both parties run for office as conservatives. Once they have fooled the voters and are safely in office, Republicans sometimes double-cross the voters. Democrats always do." | ||
| Buellkowski |
Are you going to credit Ann Coulter, sir? It's the right thing to do. Glitch, ever see the movie "Feed?" It's a compilation of taped video feeds (not aired) from the 1992 Presidential campaign. Very revealing; you'll never really know about politicians until you see what they do when they think the camera's off. | ||
| Reepicheep |
You missed one from that same article Blake... "Kerry... Just like Clinton, but without the burning sensation". Brought back long suppressed memories of a Saturday Night Live episode that I was probably too young to be watching at the time. (Credit to Ann Coulter, always a funny read) | ||
| Bluzm2 |
John Kerry's New Truck  | ||
| Blake |
Yes, those were from Anne Coulter. Funny stuff. | ||
| Raraf |
If they reinstate the draft, I hope Cincinnati doesn't pick me. | ||
| Raraf |
The Onion Election Day Guide The new electronic voting machines are complicated. But don't worry, Octogenarians will be on hand to troubleshoot any technological problems that might arise. If your election official hooks you up to a machine via a needle in your arm, you are actually donating blood. Tips for those on the go: Voting in a straight ticket can save you up to 15 seconds. Voting is no longer considered uncool. Note that is is not cool, either. This is one of the most important elections in recent times, so it is best if you just leave it up to the pros. When voting, you don't need to dress up in a scary costume or hand out candy. That happens two days earlier. If you are a minority and a resident of Florida, work out two or three alternate routes to your polling place to avoid police checkpoints. The most important thing is to vote your conscience. Okay, this is your conscience speaking: "Vote Nader, Vo-o-o-o-ote Nader." If you are a Flintstone, make sure to put the granite slab arrow-first into the dinosaur's mouth. If you live in Florida, for Christ's sake, look at the ballot very, very carefully this time. Education is the issue Americans say is the most important. Find someone with one of those to read the ballot to you. Keep in mind that the name of every person who votes against Bush is going to be read aloud on television the next time we're attacked by terrorist. If you don't know where the polling place is in your district, just try to remember the ugliest, dingiest, most depressing building in a three-mile radius. That's it. Bring proper ID. These will be accepted: Driver's license of your chauffeur SuperVoter discount card Note from President Proof that your grandfather voted Retinal scan or your alderman's retinas Two Iraqi scalps Receipt for your shoes Videotape of your first steps Haliburton employee ID Birthday card from grandmother Pint of sperm for DNA identification purposes Casserole dish to pass A good friend who can totally vouch for you Signed $20 bill Autographed celebrity photo inscribed with your name HAVE FUN AT THE POLLS! | ||
| Raraf |
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| Prof_stack |
Raraf, please explain... | ||
| Fullpower |
if we have to explain, you will never get it. sorry. |
