| Author | Message | ||
     Ferocity02 |
At work tomorrow I need to come prepared with a good joke about California, or Sacramento, either one. I've looked around and asked a ton of people but haven't quite found a good one yet. So let's hear em! Thanks! | ||
| Steve_mackay |
you know what happened 159 years ago this fall... back in 1850? California became a state The people had no electricity. The state had no money. Almost everyone spoke Spanish. There were gunfights in the streets. So basically nothing has changed except the women had real tits and the men didn't hold hands. | ||
| Slaughter |
California: Granola-Land - what's not fruit and nuts is flakes | ||
| Krassh |
know you're from California if: 1. Your coworker has 8 body piercings and none are visible. 2. You make over $1 00,000 and still can't afford a house. 3. You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in English. 4. Your child's 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Flower. 5. You can't remember . . is pot illegal? 6. You've been to a baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor. 7. You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown, and you can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian. 8. You can't remember . . . is pot illegal? 9. A really great parking space can totally move you to tears. 10. Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S. 11. Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 am at Starbucks wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney really IS George Clooney. 12. Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment. 13. You can't remember . . . is pot illegal? 14. It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news station: "STORM WATCH." 15. You pass an elementary school playground and the children are all busy with their cells or pagers. 16. It's barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an hour early to avoid all the weather-related accidents. 17. HEY!!!! Is pot illegal??? 18. Both you AND your dog have therapists. 19. The Terminator is your governor. 20. If you drive illegally, they take your driver's license. If you're here illegally, they want to give you one. | ||
| Krassh |
http://tinyurl.com/lwoxmb | ||
| Just_ziptab |
"If you drive illegally, they take your driver's license. If you're here illegally, they want to give you one." ,,,,,,,,, Sadly,true and funny | ||
| Court |
Sadly much of that is true . . . it should be the easiest time in history to find a joke. Today is the day California spends it's last $$ and goes on I.O.U.s tomorrow. So what do you do with this failed system? Easy . . use it as a model. The 1200 page "cap and trade" bill imposes the CA Building Code (along with water rationing and multi-tier pricing) on the other 49 states. Don't understand? Just wait till you decide you want to sell your house and find that a team of government inspectors has to "energy certify )lightbulbs, doors, windows, appliances) everything before you can sell. There's a joke there somewhere . . surely. | ||
| Hr_puffinstuff |
California is the "Breakfast Cereal State" fruits, nuts, and flakes | ||
| Rfischer |
"There's a joke there somewhere....surely." And so the Age of America ends. Ironically, at the hands of the socialists. Who really won the Cold War, eh...? | ||
| Court |
>>>>And so the Age of America ends. Ironically, at the hands of the socialists. Who really won the Cold War, eh...? It, at the moment, appears that would be a tough position to build a credible argument against. I live in the midst of a city full of folks begging for big brother and big government to take care of them and save them from the inequities of some folks having more than others. | ||
| Court |
P.S. - In the old days we'd called them "lazy bums" . . . now we call them the "ruling majority". I'm too old fashioned. | ||
| Jerseyguy |
Court, I'm with you 100% on this, but where can we go to escape the impending disaster?? It seems like everywhere else is even worse.... | ||
| Rfischer |
I kinda like Russia.. and have a nice flat there in central Moscow. But the inexorable slide in the ethnic/racial demographic of White, Judeo-Christian Russia will see a muslim majority in my lifetime by virtue of the high muslim birth-rate and immigration. Don't think I want to be there then. 'Course that's happening elsewhere in Europe and here as well. sigh... | ||
| Liquorwhere |
Some California Laws that are amusing: Los Angeles: It is illegal for a man to beat his wife with a strap wider than 2 inches without her consent. You cannot bathe two babies in the same tub at the same time. You may not hunt moths under a street light. It is illegal to cry on the witness stand. Toads may not be licked. It is a crime for dogs to mate within 500 yards of a church. Breaking this law is punishable by a fine of $500 and/or six months in prison. Zoot suits are prohibited Blythe: You are not permitted to wear cowboy boots unless you already own at least two cows. Pacific Grove: Molesting butterflies can result in a $500 fine. Pasadena: It is illegal for a secretary to be alone in a room with her boss. San Francisco: Prohibits elephants from strolling down Market Street unless they are on a leash. It is illegal to wipe one's car with used underwear. Persons classified as "ugly" may not walk down any street. It is illegal to pile horse manure more than six feet high on a street corner. A short story... Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten teargas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting out to give himself up. Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a line-up. When detectives asked each man in the line-up to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot", the man shouted, "That's not what I said!" In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun but unfortunately he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. | ||
| Sifo |
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| Xl1200r |
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! | ||
| Hootowl |
I can't wait until the big one hits and everything East of the San Andreas slides off into the Atlantic. | ||
| 2008xb12scg |
Sometimes I don't think you guys like us so much... As far as jokes, Arnold, need I say more? | ||
| Jerseyguy |
This one is close to home.... Ok I have a new MV Agusta Brutale. I had to pre order it in March. I had it a week after it hit the docks. The guys on my MV forum that put money down but live in Cali..... well, they have been waiting a month for Cali to allow the bike on the street. They still have no idea when they can street their bikes. All they can do is look at them at the dealership & think about the $3 grand deposit. | ||
| Johnnymceldoo |
There is an LA times article I posted awhile back saying the state wants to start paying parents to care for their children rather than provide the funds to pay for outside care. Thats a good one. Not to be outdone by new york though paying over 700 teachers deemed unfit to teach to sit around and do nothing. Still though I think feinstein, pelosi and boxer trumps schumer and frank in terms of the level of progressive douchebaggery. Its close. Its really a shame too because there are alot of great things in both states. Its kind of like a hot girl but you find out she has herpes. Nice to look at but you better keep away. | ||
| Nomog |
after living here for 50 years, I can honestly say, California is the joke. or as Johnny Carson once said, "who needs joke writers when you can buy an L.A. Times for 25 cents'.} | ||
| Court |
Any change . . . or have they "spent the last Piaster they could borrow?" California on IOU's as of Thursday? Great model for Obama to follow. | ||
| Wheelybueller |
To all of you Californian's out there,are you able to pay your bills with an I.O.U ?  If so I'd like to buy a home on the P.C.H,Ill pay later..........much later | ||
| Krassh |
No kidding how about the IOU's for State income returns earlier this year? Where are the interest and penalties from that? Boy if I tried the sorry I have fiscal crisis and will not be able to pay my taxes I doubt that would fly. | ||
| Xl1200r |
Its really a shame too because there are alot of great things in both states. Its kind of like a hot girl but you find out she has herpes. Nice to look at but you better keep away. You're absolutely correct. I want to visit California in the worst way - partly because I've never been further west than Kansas, and partly because I really want to see what it's like there - the places, climate, people, everything. At one point I was even casually looking fo a job there - I think I would have tried harder if I didn't have some reservations about my ability to tolerate the political environment. That, and I couldn't afford a house, lol. But maybe I could now. | ||
| Aesquire |
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0102250/ http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0102250/quotes (Message edited by aesquire on July 02, 2009) | ||
| Boltrider |
Seriously, you guys are missing out. Come on over and join the party!  (Message edited by boltrider on July 02, 2009) | ||
| Dfbutler |
Say what you will and much of it is true, but I ride most days in Nov., Dec., Jan. Feb,... Do you? | ||
| Strokizator |
That's a big 10-4. Thanksgiving marks the beginning of desert dirt bike season and that's good through April. The central valley is a little cold and foggy in the winter and over 100 in the summer but you can ride almost every day of the year out here. The politics here sure suck. Environuts are trying to shut down the most productive farm land in the world. When a reporter asked one of them about all the thousands of farm workers losing their jobs, she replied "Well, they can get jobs on solar farms." Now that's funny! | ||
| Krassh |
I am bailing out of California the end of August. I figure the gangs or the illegals will own the state soon enough. If not that with the drought the state will just start on fire and burn to the ground. Then there is the big one they keep talking about. Been here over half my life, 23 years, turn 43 in a couple weeks. Not liking the direction this state is going. The excuse I am staying for the nice weather is not a valid argument anymore for me. |
