| Author |
Message |
    
Johnnylunchbox
| | Posted on Tuesday, June 16, 2009 - 08:45 pm: | 
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Roughly translated:
If you have a problem, throwing pig shit at it probably won't make it better, but it might not make it worse either and it might be fun. |
Mr_grumpy
| | Posted on Tuesday, June 16, 2009 - 09:23 pm: |
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If you can't take a joke, you shouldn't have joined. |
Spdkls
| | Posted on Tuesday, June 16, 2009 - 09:38 pm: |
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lets see:
shut the f--k up, i'm watching TV
keep the greasy side down
if you don't feel like getting out of bed, then don't |
Tq_freak
| | Posted on Tuesday, June 16, 2009 - 09:55 pm: |
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You're gonna fall off of there and smack your head. And I'm gonna laugh.
HAHA, I have heard that one plenty of times.
Another one was "what did you do that for? (after hurting my self) so it felt good when you stoped?"
"If it smells like cologne, leave it alone"
My grand father was a heck of a ball breaker and didn't care what anyone though of him. He was working out front of his shop one day under a truck on a creaper when an Asian man came up asking for direction.
With out skipping a beat or rolling out from what he was doing he told the guy
"so you tell me you can find pearl harbor, across an ocean, in the middle of the night, and you need my help for directions?"
The guy just turned around an got in his car.
Another time, it was late and 4 rather large black guys came in asking for directions.
"Sure no problem, at the sign here make a right, go to the T, make a right and then when you hit the main road make a right"
They thanked him and left. He send them around the block.
They were back in five min. beyond mad.
with out missing a step as they walked back in "ok good, now that I know you can follow my directions" They all just burst out laughing.
god rest him. I miss him a lot.
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Hr_puffinstuff
| | Posted on Tuesday, June 16, 2009 - 11:52 pm: |
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never argue with an idiot, people can't tell who is who |
Badlionsfan
| | Posted on Wednesday, June 17, 2009 - 08:16 am: |
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From the Grandfather of unions, Jimmy Hoffa--
I may have my faults, but being wrong ain't one of them. |
Vampress
| | Posted on Wednesday, June 17, 2009 - 08:58 am: |
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If you can't take the heat, stay out of the kitchen.
A man should find himself a woman who can cook, a woman who can clean and a woman who can make sweet love,
then pray the three should never meet. |
Vampress
| | Posted on Wednesday, June 17, 2009 - 09:00 am: |
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When the eternal question came up at dinner time "what's for dinner?...the answer was always "suck it and see!" |
Al_lighton
| | Posted on Wednesday, June 17, 2009 - 09:56 am: |
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From the father of a friend of mine, I use it with my son all the time. He hates it when I say it:
"What kind of sissy word is fair?" |
Wolfridgerider
| | Posted on Wednesday, June 17, 2009 - 10:04 am: |
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"If it smells like cologne, leave it alone"
"If it smell like pee, that's for me"
"Does that hurt? I didn't feel a thing"
asked and stated after my father poked, flicked or grabbed a bruise or cut....
followed by a big smile and a laugh... |
Mortarmanmike120
| | Posted on Wednesday, June 17, 2009 - 04:37 pm: |
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Life's hard, it's even harder if you're stupid.
oh yeah and:
Don't tell your Grandma where we went. |
Pkforbes87
| | Posted on Wednesday, June 17, 2009 - 05:23 pm: |
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My grandpa just retired after 50+ years of running his own automotive shop. The past few years he was turning away a lot of work because he simply didn't need it - he was just showing up to stay busy.
Any time someone drove in he would ask:
"Is it front-wheel drive, fuel-injected, or japanese?"
If the answer to any of those were yes, he turned the work away. He wasn't exactly popular with the younger crowd but the older farmers in the area loved coming to him for work on their grain trucks, tractors, etc. |
Etennuly
| | Posted on Wednesday, June 17, 2009 - 05:46 pm: |
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"You can't get there from here!" From a best friend's dad, who lived on a corner of a block, one block from a giant machine shop that loomed in the background(it covered 3/4 of a mile and stands six stories high in a small town where there is nothing else), when people would ask where it is.
Or, if he had the time.....he would have them get out their map and show them how to make a fifteen mile loop that included narrow dirt roads, to get that one block. He was fun to watch in action.
He is also the guy that spent the time to teach a clumsy teenage idiot how to ride a dirt bike. He said about that; "Ya bought it, ya might as well learn how to ride it.....let's go!" |
Etennuly
| | Posted on Wednesday, June 17, 2009 - 05:52 pm: |
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Come to think of it, one of the funniest things he said when looking for his son one night(who wasn't with me)"when you see him, you tell him I'm gonna sand paper his nuts!" We told him his son went to get some sand paper.....but we didn't know where he was, hadn't seen him in a couple of days. (we were nineteen years old) |
Mr_grumpy
| | Posted on Wednesday, June 17, 2009 - 09:39 pm: |
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I want to die like my uncle, peacefully in my sleep.
Not screaming in terror like his passengers! |
Xb9ser
| | Posted on Thursday, June 18, 2009 - 12:08 am: |
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My dad told me I could destroy an anvel with a rubber mallet |
Cityxslicker
| | Posted on Thursday, June 18, 2009 - 01:51 am: |
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My grandpa had some berries. I spent all my summer vacations up at his farm in Montana.
Polite company is best kept down range.
If ya gonna aim at it, shoot it, if ya gonna shoot it, kill it, if ya gonna kill it ya gotta eat it... or bury it way the F+ck in the middle of nowhere
Fetch me a bottle of the good stuff (I was 5, I knew exactly which bottle he meant)
You can learn to be nice, and it will probably get you killed, or you can do it the right way.
You didnt break any bones, so quit your damn snivelin.
Gave me a shot gun for my 10th birthday, "boy you got it easy, I had to steal my first"
I dont suppose you want to tell me ...
followed by whatever I left behind from what I thought I had got a way clean with..
Anytime you think you wanna join the circus you let me know, I will drop you off.
And my all time favorite
Boy you gonna wind up dead, in prison, or in the military, you report at 0500 tomorrow, best be up by 4.
I was 15. Grandpa was a retired recruiter in the Navy, he 'pulled' some strings. |
Stingaroo
| | Posted on Thursday, June 18, 2009 - 05:44 pm: |
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There are no good decisions or bad decisions, you just have to live with the ones you make. -Dad when I was very young.
STOP= Stop, Think, Observe, Procede. Might keep you from getting killed someday in a tough spot. - Dad when I joined the Army
Everyone is a Hero is someone's eyes, just not many recoginze it-Pap (Cessna)
so Grandad, how you and Grandma makeing out? "Well I start standing up, take her to the couch, we roll on the floor and then make it to the bed, that way you can just roll over and sleep when your done"-Grandad McKenzie. |
Tom_b
| | Posted on Thursday, June 18, 2009 - 05:55 pm: |
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"You can wrap a dead fish in silk, but it is stll a dead fish". My granddad told me this after seeing a new BMW sport utility a few years ago. I don't remeber the model |
Ulynut
| | Posted on Thursday, June 18, 2009 - 06:03 pm: |
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H.T.F.U. |
Cochise
| | Posted on Thursday, June 18, 2009 - 07:12 pm: |
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One boy...whole boy
Two boy...half boy
Three boy...no boy at all. -Grandpa Frus
Marriage is like taking a bath, it ain't so hot once you get used to it. -Dad, just before he gets slapped by mom. |
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