| Author | Message | ||
     Xbpete |
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| 1313 |
This works better as a verbal joke. One Thanksgiving - that I used to spend with a fellow C3 Bueller family - mention kept being made about someone needing an eyepatch. For the life of me, I had never heard of that Apple product... | ||
| Ducbsa |
My wife forgot to leave for me the carseat to take our son to the babysitter's house. This is the picture I sent when she asked how I was going to get him there. I then turned off my phone for the next 4 hours.  | ||
| Xbpete |
Well played Bruce!  | ||
| Ducbsa |
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| Hootowl |
Queen Elisabeth died after 70 years on the throne. All that power and no one ever told her about Metamucil. Too soon? | ||
| Ducbsa |
(Message edited by ducbsa on September 09, 2022) (Message edited by ducbsa on September 09, 2022) | ||
| Ducbsa |
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| Xbpete |
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| Aesquire |
https://www.hagerty.com/media/advice/a-few-things- to-know-before-you-steal-my-914/ | ||
| Xbpete |
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| Ducbsa |
A farmer decided he wanted to go to town and see a movie. As he approached, the ticket agent asked. “Sir, what’s that on your shoulder?” The old farmer said. “That’s my pet rooster Chuck. Wherever I go, Chuck goes.” “I’m sorry, sir." Said the ticket agent. “We can’t allow animals in the theater.” The old farmer went around the corner and stuffed Chuck down his overalls. Then he returned to the booth, bought a ticket, and entered the theater. He sat down next to two old widows named Mildred and Marge. The movie started and the rooster began to squirm. The old farmer unbuttoned his fly so Chuck could stick his head out and watch the movie. “Marge." Whispered Mildred. “What?" Said Marge. “I think the guy next to me is a pervert." “What makes you think so?" Asked Marge. “He undid his pants and he has his thing out." Whispered Mildred. “Eh, don’t worry about it." Said Marge. “At our age we’ve seen ’em all.” “I thought so too,” said Mildred. "But this one’s eatin’ my popcorn." | ||
| Ducbsa |
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| Ducbsa |
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| Crusty |
Ya gotta love Texas. One day, a very gentle Texas lady was driving across a high bridge in Austin. As she neared the top of the bridge, she noticed a young man fixing to jump. She stopped her car, rolled down the window and said, "Please don't jump, think of your dear mother and father." He replied, " My mom and dad are both dead; I'm going to jump." She said. "Well, think of your sweet wife and precious children." He replied, "I'm not married and I don't have any kids." She said, "well, then you just remember the Alamo." He replied, "What's the Alamo?" She replied. "Well bless your heart! You just go ahead and jump you little Yankee liberal left wing Democrat Bastard. You are holding up traffic." | ||
| Ducbsa |
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| Xbpete |
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| Ducbsa |
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| Ducbsa |
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| Crusty |
Resistance is futile...  | ||
| Zacks |
No, it's voltage divided by current. ( I have that t-shirt) | ||
| Hughlysses |
I used Talcum Powder and sprayed Round Up at Camp Lejeune.. Jack Pot.. | ||
| 1313 |
When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend. When I was 16 I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life. In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability. When I was 25 I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement. When I was 28 I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find girl with some real ambition. When I turned 30, I found a smart, ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground, so I married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned. I am older and wiser now, and I’m looking for a girl with big boobs. | ||
| Xbpete |
Freakin funny Brankin!  | ||
| Ducbsa |
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| Xbpete |
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| Gregtonn |
Obviously Brit or Canadian humour. As close as I am I never felt the impact G | ||
| Hootowl |
Went there in 1994. Definitely worth the detour, if you’re passing through. They have a chuck of the meteor in the visitor center. It’s not walled off; you can touch it. Quite the experience. | ||
| Patches |
God Sent a Warning Shot, Yet People Still Don't Get It. | ||
| Needs_o2 |
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