| Author | Message | ||
     1313 |
^TRUTH! | ||
| Ducbsa |
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| Ducbsa |
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| Hootowl |
What do you call two monkeys sharing an amazon account? Primemates. | ||
| Xbpete |
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| Hootowl |
that’s a keeper! | ||
| Ducbsa |
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| Ducbsa |
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| Ducbsa |
Read online.. Monkeypox is the equivalent of botulism : bad meat in a can. | ||
| Chauly |
Monkeypox ="Schlong COVID" | ||
| Aesquire |
Donkeypox. | ||
| Ducbsa |
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| Crusty |
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| Xbpete |
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| Patches |
What about the Over & Under Ringback that goes on the end of the Wobble Shaft? Muffler Bering? Blinker Fluid? | ||
| Xbpete |
Over by the left hand dipsticks!  | ||
| Chauly |
You'll shoot your eyes out, Pete! | ||
| Whisperstealth |
 Great picture! | ||
| Hootowl |
70 percent of the Earth’s surface is water, and only a vanishingly small amount of it is carbonated. The Earth is flat. | ||
| 1313 |
That's GOTTA be Brew Dude! https://www.brewracingframes.com/  | ||
| Hootowl |
I was asked out by three women today. Well, more commanded than asked. I went into the wrong bathroom. | ||
| Ducbsa |
With a very seductive voice the woman asked her husband, “Have you ever seen Twenty Dollars all crumpled up?” “No,” said her husband. She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top 3 or 4 buttons of her blouse, and slowly reached down into the cleavage created by a soft, silky push-up bra, and pulled out a crumpled 20 Dollar bill. He took the crumpled Twenty Dollar bill from her and smiled approvingly. She then asked him, “Have you ever seen Fifty Dollars all crumpled up?” “Uh… no, I haven’t,” he said, with an anxious tone in his voice. She gave him another sexy little smile, pulled up her skirt, and seductively reached into her tight, sheer panties… and pulled out a crumpled Fifty Dollar bill. He took the crumpled Fifty Dollar bill, and started breathing a little quicker with anticipation. “Now,” she said, “have you ever seen $50,000 all crumpled up?” He said “No!”trying to hide his arousal. She said….. “Check the garage.” | ||
| Ducbsa |
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| Ducbsa |
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| Ducbsa |
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| Xbpete |
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| Hootowl |
Sheepdog says to the shepherd, all 40 sheep are in the pen. We only have 38 sheep, says the shepherd. I know, says the sheepdog, I rounded up. | ||
| Xbpete |
An old man crashed his car into a very expensive automobile. The owner of the expensive automobile jumps out and confronts the old man and says “Give me $10,000 cash or I will beat you to a pulp!” The old man replies, “Woah wait buddy, I don’t have that much money but let me call my son, he trains dolphins.” The old man dials his son as he is about to speak, the owner of the expensive car yanks the phone out of his hand and says “So you train dolphins, well your old man just hit and damaged my car, you bring me $10,000 or I’m gonna beat the heck outta him and you !” The son answers “Okay, give me 15 minutes and I’ll be there.” In exactly 15 minutes the son pulls up in a Jeep, Two men jump out and beat the hell out of the expensive car owner. Meanwhile the son walks over to his father and says “Dad I train Navy Seals not dolphins" | ||
| Ducbsa |
A young husband comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck. “Darling, I have great news – I’m a month overdue. I think were going to have a baby! The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure, we can’t tell anybody.” The next day, a guy from the electric company rings the door-bell, because the young couple hasn’t paid their last bill. “Are you Mrs Smith? You’re a month overdue, you know!” “How do you know?” stammers the young woman. “Well, ma’am, its in our files!” says the man from the electric company. “What are you saying? It’s in your files???” “Absolutely.” “Well, let me talk to my husband about this tonight.” That night, she tells her husband about the visit, and he, mad as a bull, rushes to the electric company offices the first thing the next morning. “What’s going on here? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue? What business is that of yours?” the husband shouts. “Just calm down,” says the clerk, “it’s nothing serious. All you have to do is pay us.” “Pay you? And if I refuse?” “Well, in that case, sir, we’d have no option but to cut yours off.” “And what would my wife do then?” the husband asks. “I don’t know. I guess she’d have to use a candle.” | ||
| Ducbsa |
A man is in bed with his wife when there is a knock on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's 3 AM. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time", he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife. So he drags himself out of bed, and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is man standing at the door. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk. "Hi there," slurs the stranger, "can you give me a push?" "No, get lost, it's 3 AM. I was in bed," says the man and slams the door. He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says, "Dave, that wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby-sitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost?" "But the guy was drunk." says the husband. "It doesn't matter." says the wife. "He needs our help and it would be the Christian thing to help him." So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs. He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts, "Hey, do you still want a push?" and he hears a voice cry out "Yeah please." So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts, "Where are you?" And the stranger replies: "I'm over here, on your swing." |
