| Author | Message | ||
     Xbpete |
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| Xbpete |
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| Xbpete |
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| Hootowl |
Ever wonder what the dog would do if it caught the car? Now you know. | ||
| Hootowl |
When you clean out the bag in your vacuum cleaner, you become a vacuum cleaner. | ||
| Hootowl |
Police have confirmed that the man who fell from the roof of the nightclub was not the bouncer. | ||
| Crusty |
A termite walks into a bar and says, "Is the Bar Tender here?" | ||
| Crusty |
Two cannibals are eating a clown, when one asks, "Does this taste funny to you?" | ||
| 86129squids |
That boxer must've figured some raccoon eyes were JUST the custom touch that old classic 'Vette needed. Now for some blue dots! | ||
| Xbpete |
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| 1313 |
"when needed" always cracks me up! I mean, when is a coffin NOT needed?!?! FYI, I own 2 coffins and 2 caskets, and I'm COMPLETELY normal! | ||
| 86129squids |
I once worked at a restaurant with a boss who was a nominal aisshole. I found an interesting magazine at the bookstore, pulled out a catalog RQ form, and addressed it with his name, and the address for the restaurant. The catalogue was for a range of high-end, well made, convertible furniture that either would be just normal furniture or for BDSM use. The assistant manager collected the mail. Hilarity ensued. I remain anonymous, decades later. (Message edited by 86129squids on May 07, 2022) | ||
| Xbpete |
Sign 'em up Brad! Did much the same...  | ||
| Hootowl |
I will never need a coffin. Don’t have any use for one while I’m alive, and won’t be able to care when I’m dead.  Besides, organ donor, medical student cadaver, and cremation are in my future. May as well be useful. | ||
| Whisperstealth |
No need to go spending money on a coffin for me. I still say I want to be ground up and fed to my dogs when I kick the bucket... | ||
| 86129squids |
Here's what I'd like, once I leave this mortal coil. I'd like for my oldest buddies to charter a good deep-sea fishing boat... chop me up, and throw in some other good meats to chum the waters. A top-notch chef on board for a proper bar-BQ. Whomever gets the biggest fish, get it taxidermied nicely, and that'll do. My mom once caught a barracuda in the Florida gulf... who knows, maybe I'd end up in a blue sailfin. | ||
| Xbpete |
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| Ducbsa |
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| Hootowl |
Didn’t help this guy.  | ||
| Xbpete |
What a great movie! Saw this the other day... old farts might get it,,,  | ||
| Chauly |
"TV" Tommy Ivo & Suzanne Pleshette? | ||
| Xbpete |
It's TV Tommy from The Donna Reed show and Annete Funicelo from The Mickey Mouse Club Chauly  | ||
| Xbpete |
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| Riding_tall |
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| Zacks |
Ah, the only reason the sumbitch came loose was it sheared off. Starting a whole new wave yelling and cussing. Really did happen doing the brakes on my F150 last week. | ||
| Xbpete |
After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married. On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured. The therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand, he embraced and kissed her long and passionately as her husband watched - with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down in a daze. The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?" "Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, ..............But I go for a ride on my motorcycle on Fridays. | ||
| Ducbsa |
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| Xbpete |
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| Hootowl |
Both of my brothers in law are electricians. They don’t make $80K. They make $100K. | ||
| Ratbuell |
...which, with the current inflation rate, is about 65k.... |
