| Author | Message | ||
     Ratbuell |
...got home from work today and found my pug, Kelsey, had left us. She was 15 and had a good life. She ran my house, 19 lbs of fury and love and snuggles and snoring! Last night:  And now, she's right outside the living room where we always fell asleep together, sleeping and at peace forever. Sleep well, bug. I'm gonna miss you. | ||
| Ourdee |
Sleep well Bug. | ||
| Zane |
Isn't it amazing? Dogs don't have thumbs yet have such a tight grip on our hearts. Thoughts are with you and Kelsey tonight. | ||
| Hootowl |
Sorry, Joe. It’s never easy. | ||
| Rick_a |
Sorry to hear it. All you can ask is that they lived a good life, and left it peacefully. | ||
| Court |
Thoughts are with you. . . . . | ||
| Slaughter |
Will Rogers said it best, “If there are no dogs in heaven then when I die I want to go where they went.” | ||
| Pwnzor |
Oh man... sorry for your loss. | ||
| Two_seasons |
Joe, never forget those times that even today make you wonder and smile at the love between you two! Opposables are overrated  | ||
| Crusty |
Losing a beloved pet always sucks. My thoughts are with you. | ||
| 86129squids |
Raised my coffee mug for that pug. So sorry to hear of your loss, Joe. Most of youn's remember that I'd gotten a lymphoma diagnosis for D'Ogee, my Basenji back in January- took him in for a checkup/2nd opinion a few days ago. I honestly never thought he'd make it this long, given what I've researched about the disease. We reviewed the first doc's notes, and yes, it's for real. The day will come when the prednisone will lose its effect, and the end will begin. Today he's just fatter, hungrier, and lazier, but generally OK. Again, Joe, so sorry to hear of this. I'll be thinking of you. | ||
| 86129squids |
Oh, and yes, do raise a glass... if youn's have a critter, toss a treat. I'll toss one to both my buddies in honor of Bug.  | ||
| Marksm |
Our condolences for your loss. | ||
| Tootal |
Sorry to hear that Joe. Always a tough loss. Later today I'll hoist a cold one! | ||
| 86129squids |
Allow me to share a thought... In January when we got D'Ogee' lymphoma diagnosis, I had 3 choices: Do nothing, or chemo, or prednisone as a palliative. Knowing he'd HATE going to UT Veterinary Hospital repeatedly for treatments, and the expense, I decided on prednisone. My logic: The dog is only going to live X amount of time sadly, same for cats, they have a "use by" date that only God knows. Chemo would put a sizeable burden on my finances. Prednisone is easily affordable. So, instead of blowing mega $$$ to only slightly increase his time, after he passes, the day will come when I adopt another Basenji rescue. I believe dogs make us more human. They enrich our lives in countless ways. I really can't picture my life without a dawgie, although M says she doesn't want any more after these two. Wrong... I'll get her turned around on that. "Look what followed me home, honey"... Hang in there Joe, let us know how things go. | ||
| Blake |
Condolences Joe. Thank you God for dogs like Kelsey who enrich and warm our lives! (Message edited by Blake on May 16, 2020) | ||
| Ratbuell |
Thank you, everyone. I have been wracked with guilt all weekend. Did my leaving her outside, on a sunny day, when it was in the high 70s, kill her? Or was it just...time? My first thought when I got home Friday was, I'm "that guy" from the ASPCA commercials, and I left her out and it got too hot for a dog of her age and it was all my fault just like if I'd left her locked up in a car. She was looking at me with clear eyes, sitting upright, perky ears, when I left for work in the morning. And now...she's gone. I cried the whole time as I bathed her, one last time. I cried as I put her sweater on, one last time. And I cried as a handful of dirt covered her silky-soft ears, my last look and my last touch of her ever-loving cuteness. I still feel guilt, and I suspect I always will. My rational side looks at her, with a swollen-full belly. A nearly-empty breakfast bowl. No bowel movements anywhere on the patio, saying she'd just recently eaten and hadn't had to go yet. Her eyes were closed, her teeth were not bared. And that rational side thinks "she had a good breakfast, had a full belly, she laid down in the sun, early in the day before it got hot, and slept". Or, worst case, she squatted to pee, fell over, and simply didn't get up (I had to pick her up countless times over the last few months, when that happened). And that works, in daylight. Sort of. At night...the demons come back. And I don't think they'll ever leave. She's the first dog I've ever not euthanized. The not-knowing...will always leave a trace of guilt, because I just...don't know. I just pray she didn't hurt at the end. She gave me 15 years of love, peace, and undying affection. Wednesday night, we fell asleep in the recliner, her on my lap after playing with me, nipping at my hand, and looking up into my eyes with her head on my chest. She couldn't walk. She couldn't hear. But damned if she didn't know where she was, and who she was with. She was sharp to the end. My rational side looks at the last few months, and the fact that I was proud when she was able to walk 10 feet on her own without falling down, and the fact that I was always cleaning up messes because she didn't have control anymore...and it thinks "it was just her time, she had some system failure because she was so old, and it just ended and she went peacefully". And then there's the other side, that just can't stop feeling guilty, because I wasn't there at the end. Because her eyes were so clear. Because her ears were always up. Because her tail wasn't drooping. Because she wasn't whining in pain. Because she did come to me - however slowly - when I sat on my heels and clapped my hands to call her to me. Because I just don't know if she got too hot. Because I don't know if she'd still be here if I'd left her inside. Because I loved her so much, for so long, and she loved me too, and I wasn't there for her. With her. Holding her, when she left. She's a social animal - a social breed. I hated leaving her alone in the house while her brother and sister were in the yard, together. it was one of the first sunny days we'd had this year, and I wanted the 3 of them to be together. I wanted her to get sunlight, and fresh air, and companionship. Monday I looked outside after dinner (I'd been keeping her in during the day, and putting her out with the others when I got home from work), and all three of them (a pug, and two 50-lb dogs) were curled up together on a bath mat I had on the patio so she didn't have to curl up on concrete. They were on top of each other, snuggled together - and I know they all love each other, and love being together. The only comfort I have now is, she doesn't hurt anymore. She can run again. She is chasing the tennis ball again. She's hopping up and down stairs again, and playing again, and hearing again, and nothing will ever stop her again. I just wish like hell that I'd been there when she left. 19 pounds of cute, reducing a 200 lb grown man to a quivering lump. She may have been 5 lbs when we first brought her into our home.  I've had dogs all my life, but I don't think I've ever loved one as much as I love her. Something about her, she was so...real. So close to human. Her face, her expressions, her body language...and that undying love. I don't know what's worse - the missing her, or the guilt that won't go away. I just have to hold onto the belief that she truly doesn't hurt anymore...and that she knows I would never mean to hurt her like this. I pray to God she just...went to sleep. Or, it was something sudden and painless like a heart attack. I pray to God she didn't suffer because of a choice I made. And I miss her like you wouldn't believe.  | ||
| Marksm |
And I miss her like you wouldn't believe. Oh, many of us understand. I still ache over the loss of our wonderful May and she passed in November. | ||
| 86129squids |
I'm walking your path. Watching D'ogee. Today it got to upper 80's here. I watch Rocky's breathing, I watch D'Ogee's. I have to decide on D'Ogee's quality of life. Someday, not too far off, I'll call in the vet, get things settled out on our outside bench with the cushion, and... then I'll find a large rock to crawl under for a spell. Joe, don't beat yourself up about Bug's end. I've done that for our past two dogs, for different reasons. Only God knows. (Message edited by 86129squids on May 18, 2020) | ||
| Ourdee |
Joe, Bug ate a good meal and took a nap. You loved your dog and I'm sure the dog was crazy about you. Time will lighten your load. Don't throw a bunch of baggage in the cart that doesn't belong to you. ,R.D. | ||
| 86129squids |
What RD said. | ||
| Pwnzor |
You've paid her a fine tribute here. Thanks for sharing. We all know you loved her, and would never bring her any harm. | ||
| Wolfridgerider |
Joe... I hate reading this and I have to say my eyes have a few tears in them for you. I think the animals in our families are a lot like the humans. When the time comes, they wait for us to leave the room so they can leave in peace and not trouble us with their passing. Think of the good life you provided for you pup, hopefully that will help... and sometime soon, bring a smile | ||
| Ratbuell |
Thanks guys. I'm probably over-thinking it because I'm so distraught over the whole thing. I just have to hold tight to the belief that I had best intentions at heart, and that whatever happened, she's at peace now and will never hurt again, and will never stumble or fall again. I just miss her so much. | ||
| Court |
I’m with RD. I know you and that’s all I need to know to be certain Bug had a great life. Court | ||
| Ratbuell |
Thanks guys. Kelsey was definitely family, and the house has a disproportionately huge hole in it with her gone. The hole is big enough to drive a tank through...but she was only 19 lbs at the peak of health (down to about 15 with old-age muscle loss). The price we pay for all that joy and love. | ||
| Ourdee |
Joe, The price paid was meager pennies for dog food and tears that clean our eyes that we may see more clearly. The joy and love on a two way street are priceless. | ||
| Big_island_rider |
Sorry for your loss. This has always helped me.  | ||
| Ratbuell |
Dammit, now I'm crying at work! Thank you for sharing that. I'd seen it before but somehow they're always more powerful "in the moment". I can't wait for that day to come. | ||
| Buellerxt |
Joe, I feel for you, Man. I, like most of us, have been where you are and I understand the second guessing, the pain, and the absolute worst which is the missing them. Try to remember that time helps; it truly does. I cried through your great posts and the post on Rainbow Bridge. Your in my thoughts, Joe. Hang in there. You gave Kelsey a great life, no doubt, and Kelsey loved you for it. |
