| Author | Message | ||
     Kyrocket |
To parallel Grumpy's thread I would like to post up some stuff that I keep on my computer and look in on every once in a while. If you have kids you know how precious they are, if you've ever been one, well, you know a lot of what these articles mean. I myself am not the world's greatest dad although I have the license plate and shirt that says I am. I do however want to share some personal advice and tips on what I do to make my children's childhood more memorable and it costs nearly nothing. Keep a journal. I have been taking a couple or more nights a week for the past three years just to jot down stuff that I remember during the week in hopes that 30 years from now I can give each of my kids a copy and it's something to give them dates to go with their memories. I wish my parents had done the same. Date night. I take each one of my kids out by themselves to a restaurant of their choosing for some one on one time. It's nice and they feel special and it's something I hope they'll remember. Board games. They're not as cheap as they once were but for $30 they'll last for years and it's something the whole family can do. That's just some of the things I can do as a dad to help them feel good and hopefully build some moral character to boot. Anyway here's the articles I have on my computer. I'll split it up so it's not soooo long. The 50 Best Parenting Tips Ever 1. Grant a wish. Take an hour or two each week to do exactly what your child desires without interruptions or distractions -- even if she wants to play a game you hate or build block towers and then knock them all down 2. Start and end each day with "I love you." We often think we show our love for our children through our actions, but kids want and need to be told that they're loved. 3. Think ahead about safety. Anticipate what your child's next step is likely to be, then babyproof accordingly. If your 9-month-old is about to stand, now's the time to put up the gate, cover the sharp corners of tables, and keep pot handles turned away from the edge of the stove. 4. Praise your partner. Never finish a day without acknowledging -- at least once -- your spouse's role in the life of your children. 5. Choose child care carefully. Spend as much time researching your options as you did the last time you bought a new car. Call others who use the facility, talk with the director and the staff, and spend lots of time observing the children there at play. 6. Leave the scene. If your child is having a meltdown, pick her up from behind to carry her away. Too much face-to-face interaction will escalate the situation. 7. Don't rush to punish. Every child has a cup that needs to be filled -- and refilled -- with love, attention, affection, and respect. A rough day, a big frustration, or a harsh word empties the cup. If your child is acting up, give him a hug, listen to him, and spend time together. He'll be more cooperative, and you'll both feel closer. 8. Never take a bath break. When you bathe your baby, don't answer the phone unless there's a portable one right next to you. An infant can drown in seconds if left unattended. 9. Look the other way. Once a week, ignore one of your child's small transgressions -- bad table manners, forgetting to clean up right away -- and remind yourself that you're not perfect either. 10. Sleep when your baby sleeps. If you keep to your old sleep schedule, you'll be sleep -- deprived, which makes you more likely to be cranky and can contribute to postpartum depression. 11. Don't panic about picky eaters. They won't starve, so just continue to offer a variety of foods and small, frequent meals. Let your kids see how much you like vegetables. 12. Act now, talk later. Respond to your child's misbehavior in the heat of the moment, but talk about the incident later in a "planned discussion," in which you lay down the rules and your expectations. 13. Be your baby's favorite toy. Instead of always offering a plaything, amuse him yourself. After all, you move, you make sounds, you can take turns with him and respond to what he does, and you are warm, soft, and safe. 14. Double-check your carseat. Improperly installed child-safety seats are a major cause of injury. Whenever you put your child in his carseat, make sure it still fits correctly. 15. Be romantic. Go out on dates, kiss in front of your kids, and say, "I love you" to your partner (with your kids in earshot). 16. Keep syrup of ipecac in your glove compartment. You probably have it at home, but you may also need it on the road (if your doctor advises you to use it). 17. Make photo albums. Take two hours a month to create lasting, organized family memories. As you gather photos or souvenirs, you'll have time to reflect on the preciousness of your life. 18. Soothe your baby's dry skin. Keep a jar of thick emollient at the changing table, and massage her legs and thighs at each change. 19. Coin a nickname. Call your child by a special moniker that reflects your unique connection to him. A child with many names is a child loved many times. 20. Read all food labels. Always know what your child is eating, especially if she has food allergies. For instance, whey and casein, common ingredients in packaged goods, are really just milk. 21. Present a united front. When you and your spouse disagree about how to handle misbehavior, keep talking and reading about it until you reach a consensus or a compromise. 22. Make family rituals sacred. Once a week, do an activity together, such as reading a book out loud, taking a walk, driving to the woods, or having Sunday breakfast at the same diner or coffee shop. These are the types of memories your kids will treasure most. 23. Nip aggression in the bud. Don't ever let your toddler hit or kick you, even if you know she's angry or frustrated. Block the hits immediately, and firmly say, "No, you do not hit me." 24. Teach your child simple songs and nursery rhymes. Rhyming and playing with sounds is fun and tunes your child in to the specific skills that are needed for reading. 25. Put your baby down when she's awake. Letting her self-soothe is the key to her sleeping through the night. If you nurse or bottle-feed her before bed and she falls asleep, change her diaper one last time to wake her up. 26. Make amends. One of the most important things you can say to your child is "I'm sorry, I messed up." Admitting you're wrong also gives your child the right to make mistakes. 27. Never make your love conditional. You should love your child just because he was born, not because he plays the piano or aces math tests. Tell him often that you'd love him no matter what grades he got and that your love for him grows bigger every day. 28. Monitor yourself. You are your child's first and most powerful moral teacher, so make sure you set an example that you want her to copy. Ask yourself nightly, What did my child learn from my behavior today? 29. Trust your instincts with child care. If you have reservations about a caregiver or feel that your child isn't doing as well as he could, you're probably right. Don't worry about hurt feelings or awkward conversations. Your child's needs come first. 30. Don't be overprotective. You shouldn't try to shield your child from all disappointments, failures, or stressful situations. Kids need to learn to handle difficulty in order to cope with life's challenges. 31. Avoid vicious cycles. If your child is misbehaving in a particular way and you've told him 100 times before not to do it, don't issue warning No. 101. Instead, make it easier for your child to behave. If he always leaves his coat on the floor, for example, install low hooks in the closet. 32. Let your toddler explore. Parents often don't want their children to bang big pots or do other things that are annoying or messy, but that's the way kids learn. 33. Wake a sleeping baby. There are times when doing this is a good idea -- during a morning nap so he'll be sleepy enough for an afternoon nap, or during an afternoon nap so he'll be sleepy enough at bedtime. 34. Ban bad-mouthing. Kids aren't born to hate -- they learn it. Refuse to allow discriminatory remarks of any kind. Help your child discover the positive traits of people, and teach her to focus on the similarities rather than the difficulties. 35. Bait and switch. When your child is misbehaving, distract him with something that's incompatible with the misbehavior. For example, if your child is grabbing food from someone else's plate, hand him a glass of milk. 36. Encourage friendship over popularity. You can't guarantee that your child will be liked by everyone, and it's not your job to make her popular. Support her friendships, but don't try to micromanage her social life. 37. Wear rose-colored glasses. Your upbeat attitude is critical to your child's self-image. Change your language so everyone views him more positively. For example, instead of saying, "My child is overactive," say, "My child is so energetic." 38. Listen before you give advice. The most crucial moments in parenting are when your child is experiencing an emotion such as sadness, fear, anger, disappointment, or embarrassment. First, help your child label the emotion, and validate how she feels. Then, and only then, suggest ways to solve the problem. That way, your child will be more likely come to you for help. 39. Demonstrate differences to your toddler. For example, your child might like one kind of food (say, sweets) while you prefer another (salad). This is of endless interest to young children, who are learning that people can have different perspectives and tastes -- an important life lesson. 40. Don't be a slave to developmental milestones. Children develop at different rates. Try not to push your child -- he will let you know when he's ready to start crawling, walking, or reading. 41. Limit rewards. Help your child develop his own internal reward system so he congratulates himself for a job well done. Change your pronouns: Instead of "I'm really proud of you," say, "You should really be proud." 42. Don't help too much with homework. It's your child's obligation, not yours. If you pitch in, she'll feel she's not capable of doing it herself. 43. Make honesty a priority. Never lie in front of your kids -- for example, don't tell a telemarketer that your husband isn't home when he's really sitting on the couch. 44. Share your loves. Whether it's a favorite hobby, a wonderful song or poem, a great recipe, one of your favorite childhood memories, or a fun game, it will be remembered and cherished. 45. Set your child's sleep routine. By 3 months, your baby should begin sleeping where you want her to be sleeping at 1 year. After that, it will be much more difficult for her to make a change. If she's in a bassinet, move her to the crib; if you won't be cosleeping, move her out of your bed now. 46. Take your child's side. If you don't know what happened in a particular situation, don't play devil's addvocate. For example, if he says, "I hate the teacher! Today she made fun of me in front of my friends," don't immediately say, "I'm sure you were giving her a good reason." 47. Don't worship expert advice. Believe solely in your children, not in Mozart CDs, baby academies, or flash cards. No one will ever know what your children need or who they really are better than. 48. Be very silly. Dance, burp, laugh until you cry, and spit watermelon seeds at your kids. 49. Plan meals together. Let your kids help choose dishes to make and take part in the preparation - they'll be more likely to eat what's served. 50. Break the rules sometimes. Have ice cream for dinner, or wear pajamas all day on a snowy weekend. Copyright 2004. Reprinted with permission from the May 2002 issue of Parents magazine | ||
| Kyrocket |
Like most dads, I hope that when my kids look back on their childhoods, they'll remember the luminous moments most clearly. I hope they'll contrive to gloss right over those occasions when I was less than charming to them or to Mom. In particular, I hope they'll forget a particular July afternoon when I went nuclear at Santa's Work Shop in North Pole, N.Y. (Not that it wasn't justified, mind you, just that it wasn't my finest hour.) Alas, the best way to plant happy memories — by being loving and funny, energetic and devoted — is no snap for mere mortals. We're not paragons, just men. Still, even if tenderness and mirth aren't your strong suits, you can leave your kids with recollections that will sweeten their lives forever. A word of caution: Be careful not to get all deliberate about making memories. Anxious, hyped-up parents suffocate the present by working way too hard to create memorable occasions. Exhibit A: our foolishness with over-the-top birthday parties designed to bedazzle the kindergarten prince. Resist the urge to throw money at the memory mandate. Not that it doesn't work — kids generally remember an elephant trek through the Punjab — but because it's cheating. Any drone can buy space in his kids' hard drives. The challenge is to weave a memory quilt with your wits, not your wealth. So if you would rather test the limits of your ingenuity than that of your credit line, try these tricks for helping the kids look back and smile. Think like Steve Jobs. A catchy name helps a product stick in the mind. The iPod wouldn't be a phenomenon if it were called the Music Thingy — actually, that name might have worked, but you get my meaning. Where would Christmas be if it were known as December 25? Monikers promote memory. When my kids were in grade school, in an attempt to teach them something about pitching in — and, okay, to get some help with the yard work — I instituted Leaf Day by paternal decree. Set on the Saturday nearest the autumnal equinox, it was to be an annual O'Neill family festival of leaf raking and natural history and football-themed cupcakes. On Leaf Day, we would drink hot cider, swap tidbits about the angle of the Earth's axis, and mostly, just enjoy one another's company. The kids quickly saw through my front to use them as child labor. While I was dragging a drop cloth full of leaves to the curb, they threw down the adorable little rakes I had bought — yes, I actually imagined their children using them on Leaf Days yet to come — stole the cider thermos, and slipped away to a kickball game in the neighbors' yard. Now, here's the twist. To this day, my kids remember Leaf Day — but not as an event that lasted for all of eight minutes one morning in the fall of 1992. No, they remember it exactly the way I had hoped they would: as an annual family tradition during which they dutifully helped rake the leaves and we all drank cider while yakking about the angle of the sun's rays. Memories need not be accurate to be enriching. So christen traditions and let names be the grains of sand around which pearl-like memories grow. You know how Mom sleeps in on Sunday? Well, that can either be bleary-eyed you, sacked out on the couch watching SpongeBob, or it can be a meeting of the far-more — memorable Fun Day Club. Your call, Dad. Write a jingle. Music isn't required, but lyrics are. I came up with a family slogan, the domestic analog of Nike's "Just do it:" "Let's have zeal for Team O'Neill." Now, you might not be surprised to learn that I endured much Mom mockery early on. She would repeat the slogan aloud, sure that if I just heard it, I'd notice exactly how dumb it was. No way. Sometimes she'd focus her satire on the central word. "Zeal?" she'd say. "Really? The kids are 5 and 8, and you're going with zeal?" Apparently, she had missed Marketing 101, or she would have known that the very oddness of the word made it a cunning keystone. During the teen years, the kids picked up the derision ball, and I recall the word lame getting a workout. But once again, I've been vindicated. The phrase has become a yawp of loyalty and common cause, family shorthand summarizing our commitment. It's one of my family-life formulas: C + T = GM (Corny + Time = Good Memory.) I rest my case with the following fact: My now-grown kids sometimes sign e-mails with "With zeal for Team O'Neill." Okay, there is still a trace of mockery in there, but just a trace. Mostly, they have come to cherish our family cri de coeur. Buy frames. Your house is probably loaded with frames, most of them featuring pictures chosen by Mom or Grandma. This is all good. But make sure there are also a couple of Dad-specific frames — by your bed, on your desk, over your work table in the basement — that are dedicated to photos chosen and framed by you. Every now and then, announce that you found a photo that captures something elemental and that it's getting some display in Dad world. Frame it yourself. Don't subcontract the job to Mom. If you do a lousy job, if it looks as though a simpleton jammed the picture into a cheesy frame, it will actually have more power. Be enthused about your history. If you see your family as a legend worth propagating, then the kids will too. Break frames. There's an old journalism trope that nobody writes about the planes that land safely; it's the out-of-the-ordinary things that are remembered. So every now and then, jump the tracks, especially if you're generally a paint-within-the-lines guy. After the soccer game, instead of going home, spontaneously hit the road and take an overnight to Gettysburg or Mount Rushmore or an amusement park. If nobody has toothbrushes, well, that's why there are drugstores. And guess what? Teeth can go a day without brushing. Be impulsive, and let the kids believe that Dad, too, in his mild way, hears the call of the wild, at least when it comes to getting away with his kids. Speaking of which... Establish Hooky Day. Once a year, the whole team takes a day off — from school and from work — and does something together. Sure, Junior is supposed to be learning algebra and you're supposed to be working on that merger, but hey, the message of Hooky Day is that this family is the preeminent organization around here, we make the rules, and being together is plenty important. All the school has to know is the truth: The prince and princess have a family obligation. A movie marathon or a day at the beach when everybody else has their nose to the grindstone is unforgettable. Spend $5.99. I stand by the prohibition against laying down serious cash to buy memories, but springing for them $5.99 at a time is a good idea. Tourist-trap totems have power. When our kayaking-Santa ornament comes out of the box each December, it brings back that trip to Maine. And when the Oberlin sweatshirt takes its turn in the sweat-shirt batting order, we can'' help but recall that college visit to Ohio featuring the incident in the motel hot tub with the Airedale, and it's always good for a laugh. I hope my kids remember it all. I hope they remember the texture of their blankets, the creak of the plank in the corner of the back deck, the name of every hamster. I hope they remember the milky dawn light over the lake that summer and each of a million and one laughs. But if there were just one memory I could etch into their hearts, it would be this: I'd like them to remember a man who was steady at the helm, who could be depended on, not because he was any much of a much, but because he believed in their worthiness, that they were entitled not just to his best, but to all the happiness and love the world might offer as well. A memory of a man like that just might come in handy. | ||
| Swordsman |
My little boy is 2.5. His baby book is practically empty. I can't convince my wife to do anything with it, and I'm at work all day, so I miss all the stuff that should be going into it. I'm trying to make up for it with photos.  ~SM | ||
| Etennuly |
As a father of four and grandpa to 5.8, I need to add this, make sure you use the right size hook if you are using them for gator bait. It can really torque your day if the gator ruins your bait and you don't hook 'em!  I love my kids, they spent their lives keeping me out of trouble. | ||
| Cityxslicker |
Parents. The reason I am fixed. Family The reason I NEVER regret it. | ||
| Drkside79 |
>>>My little boy is 2.5. His baby book is practically empty. I can't convince my wife to do anything with it, and I'm at work all day, so I miss all the stuff that should be going into it. I'm trying to make up for it with photos. Im in that boat as well | ||
| Guell |
Parents. The reason I am fixed. Family The reason I NEVER regret it. great post, I'm sure everyone was wondering about all of that | ||
| 86129squids |
It's been a while, but in a thread long since archived, City expounded on it all- he didn't have what most of us consider a "good" childhood... Hope you're doing well City- surely you have friends who can represent "good" parenting... | ||
| Cowboy |
As A parent you dont get the time to raise your own kids (making a living) Life realy begains when you get to raise your grand kids and Great grand kids. | ||
| Cityxslicker |
meh, nobody can mess your life up like family. It ain't all shiny happy people glad glee glomming like Cosby. On another board I am on, it was asked if you would care for your aging parents.... I left when I was 15, ain't been back since, changed my name, left town, joined the military ; I don't even care enough to ask if they are dead yet. | ||
| Mr_grumpy |
As my 83 yr old Dad says "I've no intention of going yet it's too much fun being a pain in the arse for my kids". "Revenge" he adds with a grin. My 12 yr old has got to the "mouthy" stage, the problem is that he's inherited my quick wit & his mother's stubborn-ness & need to have the last word, not a good combination most of the time. One thing I'll add from experience, it makes absolutely no difference how many child-rearing manuals you read, none of them are "right" they can only give you general pointers. Every family & every kid are different, there are no hard & fast rules, you just have to wing it & hope! Those of you with older children will know what I mean & be nodding sagely, those of you with young'uns, good luck. You're gonna need it!  | ||
| Whistler |
I'm blessed, my 21 year old son is a fine young man and my wonderful wife and I have been together for 32 years. Up until this last year, throughout my son's life, I've worked long weeks and traveled away from home on business the equivalent of at least two months per year. That totals over three years of my son's life. The long weeks are what they are but the travel time has been difficult. I have recently been able to cut back on travel but I endured the time away from home for probably the same reasons we all work so much. None of this is extraordinary and I'm not complaining, we all have choices and I make mine. Hindsight being 20/20, I wish I had those days, months, and years back to spend with my son and my wife. I don't know if it would have been of any benefit to them but it sure would have been something special to me. My Dad used to tell me, son, if you want something to happen you've got to make it happen. So now being with my family trumps anything else and I do whatever I can to be with them whenever I can. I'm grateful for the opportunity. (Message edited by whistler on January 26, 2012) | ||
| Cowboy |
My 4 yr. old gteat grand son got his ATV (110 CC) and single shot .22 cal rifle It has been pure JOY watching him ride and shoot. Going to start him on 410 ga this summer. | ||
| Blake |
Brian, Lighten your baggage and forgive. You won't believe the difference it can make. | ||
| Blake |
I'm on the email notification list for the Skit Guys. They do some really excellent work. This one just released... | ||
| 2008xb12scg |
I love my kids, they spent their lives keeping me out of trouble I know I would be dead or in jail without my kids. Amazing how much you can change about yourself when you truly love a child. I have been truly blessed with two amzing kids that have turned into great adults (still my babies lol) The advice above is great! Wish I would've read that 21 years ago. My son just got married and he will be getting a copy of those words of wisdom. | ||
| Fltwistygirl |
Thanks for posting this. "My 12 yr old has got to the "mouthy" stage" Grumps, we have one too. The change to the dark side happened over night. "What happened to that nice boy that used to live here?" All joking aside, he is a still good kid, and a ton of fun to do stuff with. Good grades, still in scouts, still wants to go into the USAF. Not running with a gang, smoking weed, breaking into people's cars. When I complain about some snarky remark he made and ask what that was all about, Greg answers "because he is 12, and that is the type of stuff they say." I discontinued keeping a journal when he was 3 or 4. It'd be fun to look at/maybe resurrect it. | ||
| Guell |
meh, nobody can mess your life up like family. except id say that isnt the norm for most families. Lay off the downers dude, and take blakes advice. | ||
| Etennuly |
Having been a parent through two sons and two daughters I thought each was different by default. They were born in this order; son, daughter, daughter, son. They were all different in there own ways, but I thought it was mostly because they were of different sexes. Now that I have three grand daughters in one of my daughters homes, and three grand sons in the other daughters home, I see vast differences in personality of each child. Amazing how it all works. Still learning the good stuff.  | ||
| Kyrocket |
Blake, thanks for posting the Skit Guys, I loved their Inn Keepers Dilemma. Grumpy, you're spot on about the manuals. I've read several and while they don't give you the exact answers you need they do give several pearls of insight. I've been reading one about raising pre-teen daughters and I've almost shook my head off saying yep, I can see that happening. Right now I'm struggling with same but different saga. Three kids from the same parents, living in the same house, eating the same foods and they're all so different. BUT they DO come to me to talk about it so I feel like that's a battle I've WON. | ||
| Kyrocket |
I take that back, Blake I hate you  I just watched the skit you posted. It's much too much early in the morning for that! I rue the day when the "talk" occurs. | ||
| Prior |
Mike, Enjoyed the post. We're not parents yet, but perhaps someday... Really enjoyed the video of Bella today- she's such a pretty and happy girl. Glad you're her dad too!!! Alex and Heather |
