| Author | Message | ||
     Roadcouch98 |
Has anyone else had their children held over their heads like carrots? I'm searching for advice, possibly a Father's Rights Group. There are many I have found online, who are just as willing as My Father's Rights Foundation Attorney who picked my Bones after the Divorce, so I'm leary of them. The 'Ex' got Custody set up to her liking, AGAIN, until she realized the Holidays were just not going to work for her. Now she wants to renegotiate. I imagine, we'll be back in the 'Mommies Justice Center' again for the Holidays. I'm not in the negotiating mood these coming Holidays. Last Year, in the week of Christmas, my present was Custody papers served. I lost Split Custody. No attorney, or money for one. I get to see my Son three hours a week (of which time we spend in my truck, as I live an hour from the Daycare he's at, and a half hour from drop off point), and He's with me every other weekend. He gets to come home with me only on our weekends. That is not enough. I'm a child's 'Daddy', that wants half of what there is. Good, and Bad. There has not been a day when I would not wanted to have spent it with him. Every day that I don't get to see my Son, he grows, learns, plays, laughs, cries, and it hurts me, as well as him. We all know how kids who only have one parent around can turn out. I don't wish to see my Son as one of those Statistics. Men in Family/Divorce Court are not treated fairly, in my opinion, and something must be done. I am not a Sperm Donor, and do not feel I should be treated as such, or as a Meal Ticket, either. I'm not too thrilled about being referred to as, "YOUR FATHER", in the shittiest tone possible, either. I am not a POS who doesn't want to see his kid, I'm a POS who does. I am a Father F***ed over, and over, and over again by a Player of The Family Court's 'Mommies Division of Justice'. Who are the touch-holes that made the Family Court's so one-sided ? Looking for advice. Looking for Help. Not looking for a lecture. I get enough of those when she picks up the phone. (Message edited by roadcouch98 on November 21, 2010) | ||
| Whisperstealth |
My heart goes out to you. Wish I could help, and I understand from the child's perspective what that crap is all about. Work hard, do the next right thing, and trust things can get better. Continue to love your son, and make the most of the time you have together. Do not feed into her sickness, don't belittle or undermine the mother in front of your boy. Document everything! In writing. Prepare yourself for court. Fight the battles that are winnable, and worth winning. Try to get a good nights sleep the night before. Eat a good breakfast. Take a good and neutral friend if you can. A male friend. Do not make decisions when: HALT - hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. Or sad. Remember loving your son is much more important than hating/disliking your ex. Try the serenity prayer: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. You and your son will be in the heart and prayers. | ||
| Xl1200r |
I see you live in NY, so it strikes me as odd that you're getting such a hard time from the courts - generally, NY (or at least my area) gives fathers a lot of leeway. My parents never had a legal custody agreement when they split - I was at each house half the time, generally switched every couple days. It was nice because I got to see them both equally, but a pain because my father lived a few towns over and when I was at his house it made time with friends and girlfriends very difficult. But he made it work, drove us everywhere when we couldn't, took us to school each morning, etc. That all said, my parents had a very 'peaceful' divorce from an outsider's view - no real fighting, and could see each other without animosity or issues (which they did weekly when meeting to plan out our time with them, settle up on doctor's bills and such, etc.) If this has already gone to court, then someone in your divorce has been making power plays, and regardless who it was, you got the short end. Another example is my step-mother's ex husband. He was a class A pain in the ass, dragging her into court on a very regular basis over stupid crap, but somehow always seemed to get his way and always had, what I thought to be, generous custody agreements. The kids saw through it, and as soon as they were old enough to decide for themselves (16 in NY) they stopped going. Your outcome will depend on you, your ex, the judge you get and probably the reason for your separation. If you don't like your lawyer, get a new one. You have two options - go on the offensive and have a strong case, or, take what you can get. I can almost guarantee that your 1-hour away living situation doesn't help anything for you. In any case, be pleasant with your son when you have him and don't show any animosity to your ex - kids see through that pretty easy. Once I was older my mom would do it a little about my dad when they were still dealing with my younger brother, but I found myself siding with my father more often. | ||
| Fuzzz |
There's already been some good advice given here. Hang in there, do whatever it takes to remain a major part of his life, show him who you really are, and let him decide as he grows older. My boy chose to leave his mother, and cub scouts was his "out". He and I got involved, and have stayed with it for the last 6 years. He's now on the verge of Eagle Scout, and seems to be pretty well adjusted. Though it's not easy being a single parent, it can be rewarding for him, and you. My prayers are with you! | ||
| Firstbuell |
perhaps a slightly different perspective - the 2 of you negotiated & agreed to something until things are legally adjusted, the way things are already established is they way they should stay it's MUCH easier, not endlessly negotiating schedule adjustments on the fly, offsetting this weekend for that, etc.} | ||
| Coolice |
Join the discriminated club, you are divorced, you now have no rights. Sound familiar?? It only gets better, they sue you to pay for over-priced secondary (college) education too. Now being a deadbeat is looking all the better, you take one step forward and the system pushes you back 20. Oh and if parents are married you just boot the kids out the door, they get nothing - fair?? I gave up many years ago, tried to "be there" the custody parent "brainwashes" the kids. Focus on your life. You only get one trip on this bus. | ||
| Daves |
Sorry to hear of your custody problems. Hope you can get it worked out. Trust me, you do not have to have kids to get hosed in divorce court. Been there twice, got hosed both times. In divorce, if you have a penis, you are going to get the short end of the stick. (not sure how they will deal with same sex marriage?) There is nothing "Fair" about it. | ||
| Stirz007 |
I'm a single dad, too (divorce). In many states, the law leans to the mother, especially for younger kids. In my case we have split legal, but she has sole physical custody. I do not know the circumstances, so will not even think about taking sides on this deal, but offer some advice FWIW: 1) Keep records of everything, conversations, texts, etc. and hope you never need to use it. 2) DO NOT play that game of trashing your ex in front of the kids. Sooner or later, the kids get old enough to figure out who the problem parent is on their own. Trying to speed up the process usually backfires. 3) ALWAYS be available to take the kids, even on little or no notice - don't argue, just make the most of the time you have with the kids. 4) Always get CSP in on time, always meet your obligations and promises to the kids, be the one who steps up when needed. Kids need their dads - just try to be there for them. Don't put them in the middle for communications, revenge, whatever. They are having as much of a hard time dealing with the situation as you are, so make it as easy as possible for them. The best advice I got was to treat the whole thing like you would a Contractor or Business dispute and try to take the emotion out (easier said than done). Figure out best outcome for kids, then you - then figure out how to get to your desired outcome. - You WILL NOT get what you think you deserve, but can usually get what the court considers equitable. Divorce decrees are always subject to renegotiation - the amount of pain is usually related to the hard-headedness of the (former) couple. Oh yeah, hire the best lawyer you can afford and one with experience representing the husband - you will end up spending less time (and money) when the counsel is competent. Good luck | ||
| 2008xb12scg |
all courts are one sided towards the mom. It's not just the courts, people assume the guy is in the wrong how could he leave her alone with the kids. Like there's no possability he wanted his kids, or that she might have been at fault. AAHH don't get me started I feel your pain. It's been a long time for me as my kids are 18 and almost 20. If I could offer some advice, first don't get caught up in her bs. If she wants to talk bad about "your father" (I hate that too) just don't lower yourself. Pay the sup[port even though you know it's going to other places than it should. most important always be there for your kid. Don't let the frustration get to you. A very good friend of mine went through it at the same time as I did and he got cought up in the bs and he doesn't have the kind of relationship with his kids he should. My kids are older now and they respect me for what I've been through and put up with to be there for them. They realize the one sided bad mouthing is bs and we are very close. It's hard to be a single dad. But don't let it stop you from being there for them. Oh one last bit of advice, if I could, don't bring them around to many girls, unless they will be around for awhile. I lost more than one girlfriend, but When you only get your kids here and there alone time with dad is top priority. good luck I know it's hard just be a good dad and they will love you for it. Sorry if I ramble. | ||
| Sayitaintso |
I dont know what to say other than good luck, keep up the fight, and it good/awesome to hear you care, your son is worth it. My parents split when I was 6 and my dad was a dead beat for the most part. | ||
| Mr_grumpy |
My ex put me out when my daughter was 18 months, & I won't say it's been an easy ride. I'd go along with most of the above advice, the most important of which is to never badmouth your ex in front of your child. Keep records of everything you pay in maintenance & NEVER pay in cash always by cheque or bank transfer so that there's a trace. Always try to keep your cool, no matter how much you're provoked. Example, I got back from 3 weeks on the road having told my ex that I'd pick littlun up on saturday morning, I'd run all night in the rig to get back & got to their (formerly my) house at about 11.30. Still morning right? Apparently not. Her & her Dad had decided that 11 o'clock was long enough & they'd gone out, I had to wait til they got home at 4.30 as I lived 2 hours away. All I got was a mouthfuls of abuse for not getting there earlier. If you know you can't win, don't play the game, keep cool, say as little as possible & always be polite. I don't get to see my daughter much these days as she's grown up to be a lovely intelligent young woman, currently training to be a nurse. Hang in there, many of us have been there & know just how you feel. If you need a chat, pm me your number or text me (number in the BRAN), & I'll call you, I get unlimited calls on my cell & home phone with my net package. | ||
| Faseljd |
I know where your coming from,I went thru it also. Luckily my kids were 15 & 16 at the time and I ended up with custody of my son and the ex got custody of my daughter. It took all my savings just to get before the judge so my son could tell him where he wanted to live.Even without custody of my daughter , we continue to have a great relationship. I think what really helped me was that I told my kids the truth about everything, good, bad or ugly. When they are older it really helped them understand and see everything for what it really was and not what the ex wanted to plant in their heads. I'm proud to say my daughter is off to Ohio State University studying medicine, and my son is at Northern Illinois University studying accounting. Too bad the ex didn't realize the damage she was doing at the time as her and my son have no relationship at all. | ||
| Swampy |
Sorry to hear of your troubles. There are a couple of options and they are in the details. Example: There is a rule in Michigan FOC rules that says that the child support will not be petitioned to be changed by the FOC unless it meets certain criteria, $50 or 10% difference to reduce it. So when the arrearage was to be paid back by $50, and the caculated support was decreased by $48, the child support would not be balanced +$50-$48=$2 net increase, it was just going up by $50, and that was that. I pointed out that the rules stated that the FOC would not petition for the change, but that did not mean YOU could not petition for the change. Well an appeal was made, and the judge hurled in her favor and applied the past overpayment against the arrearage and increased the total child support $2. What I am saying is that if you read the rules and the law carefully there are rules that can help you in this extremely corrupt child support system. The main theme is "Best Interest of the Child" and if the ruling is not in the best interest of the child, then appeal, appeal, appeal. The referree told the only attorney that I love "Don't even bother to try" and the referre was wrong, and the judge lifted an eyebrow when the objections to the referres interpertation of the referrees's ruling was made. They all have rules to follow, it is in their best interest for the FOC to handle the most money they can in order to increase their federal funding which is how they are paid. FOC is a privatized federal scam operating under federal rules. You would be suprised how many FOC administrators that are wives or children of circuit judges, it is horribly corrupt. Depending on how big your balls are I have had friends absolutely not sign anything. I was in court recently because some a$$ hat scum sucking rat wanted me to pay my alimony through the FOC, even though the divorce agreement specifically said no FOC involvment and the forms I did sign for the divorce were FOC 10C not the FOC 10B which gets the FOC involved in your mess. Anyways, get on the internet, there are plenty of good resources and networks to help you get the changes you need. | ||
| Azxb9r |
See if you can convince her that the two of you need to put aside your differences and do what is in the best interest of your child. Having a healthy relationship with both parents is in the childs best interest. When my ex and I got divorced we were able to do this. We also agreed not to bad mouth each other in front of our son, since nothing productive could come of that. The problems that we had with each other did not need to be taken out on our son. Unfortunately that seems to be the exception more than the norm, but I think it is worth tossing out there. | ||
| Coolice |
I think most of us have tried "the do whats best for the kids" and unfortunately the ex keeps digging. As any animal (or human) being kept in a cage and poked at, you get angry. And the "system" just keeps letting happen, even in the name of the "the kids". Here in Illinois, it never stops, its one of the great states that allow to sue for secondary (college) education. It just never stops... And you think it helps the parent/child relationship at that age to continue to force a parent to pay?? So much for retirement, and I bet when I need financial help in my old age the kid will be there writing checks right?? Ya right.... | ||
| Roadcouch98 |
I've let this sit for twenty four hours, to see what might be presented, try to formulate what I would say to what was offered, and to see if there was any advice I could use. I have seen some that I could, but others will not work. I haven't seen anything posted about getting Help, which leads me to believe, that there is none. I've been looking for relief from this situation for almost three years, and knock on every door that is offered to make this stop. Family Court is most disgusting, in that it actively seeks to split up Families. Court negotiated truces through Jail time might work. If Mommy went to Jail, she might actually leave Daddy alone. The Court sees Male/Perpetrator, Female/Victim, and that is no good. Daddy is a wuss for saying Mommy calls Daddy bad names. Mommy is an instant victim, when Daddy has heard enough, and replies. I choose not to speak with her, and during drop offs, I walk my Son inside the local McDonalds, which is the Court Ordered Safe Place (and she didn't even bat an eye before calling me a 'EFFING A**HOLE this past Easter). She wants War, and will have it no other way, continuously. I let him walk to Mommy, and I walk out the door, without saying anything. Not the best situation, but it's the ONLY way. What I've seen, is that every persons situation has been very different from not only mine, but from each other's, as well. What makes me sick, is that it is allowed by Family Court, that I, as well as my Son, be subjected to it. I am swearing to You all, as embarrassing as this is to tell, that I do my absolute best to avoid confrontations with her, and that pisses her off even worse. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I'm still open to offers. | ||
| Blackm2 |
Jerry the best thing to do is keep calling until you find an attorney that can work with you. Tell them right off you don't have much money to work with or if they know someone who can work pro bono. A lot of attorneys are a-holes, but they have to be. Every once in awhile, you find one that will work in your corner. Just keep trying. | ||
| Coolice |
Be patient, do your best. We share the same pain. | ||
| Swampy |
ALL ATTORNEYS ARE A-HOLES What do you want to do? When things do not go your way at the Womens Justice Center, do not sign the "agreement" Appeal, Appeal, Appeal. Keep going to the next step. Make a rational ass out of yourself at the hearing. Write down what you want to say and read it to them. Do not threaten, they are expecting that, but articulate your points and suggestions rationally, that is all the A-hole Attorneys do when they "represent" you. They are emotionally removed from the situation, that explains why they are a-holes and fail to see your urgency in the situation. So stop take a breath and outline what is important, make your moves, say what you want to say. Then Appeal. Find out how the pecking order goes at your FOC. More than likely it goes like this: Hearing infront of referee, with the decision going to the judge to be signed making it an order. Tell the referee you want to appeal. Fill out the appeal completely usually you have a time limit to do this(usually 21 days), the referee will then be required to submit in writing the reasoning for the decision, and giving an opinion telling you why your appeal is baseless. The opinion gets set for hearing infront of a circuit court judgywudgy, and on the record you read why the reasoning is wrong, and what the best interest of the child is. Also it is fair to bring up the mothers antagonism bad talk about daddy infront of the child and how that is against the rules that were agreed to in the FOC rules when the mother agreed to use the FOC as her advocate(find the FOC rules on the internet) They are expecting that you will get fustrated with the process and give up, that is what 99% of the parents do. | ||
| Blake |
If distance is an issue, move closer. Your former wife is obviously harboring very deep resentment. May I ask what did you do in your former wife's eyes to elicit her calling you and ••••••• as you describe? Please don't say "nothing." There must be a reason, valid or no, justified or no. Were you late? Did you do anything to provoke? Let's be honest. I appreciate your plight, but being totally, completely, 100% honest about this situation is important. If you truly did nothing, then boy do I feel for you. Not sure I could deal with a devil woman like that. My response to such venom would, I like to think, be something like "I'm sorry you feel that way. I think you are wonderful as you are the mother of my son, the dearest thing on the entire planet to me." Leave it at that. Do NOT be drawn into argument, especially in front of the kiddo. There is nothing more powerful than love in the face of hate. The kiddo will see it, the mother will too and will be made to feel ashamed for her poor behavior. Sooner or later. Truth. Some folks really have trouble sucking it up and ditching their ego. I can attest personally, as I am one of them. Divorce is a very traumatic thing, especially for the aggrieved party if there is one. My next advice involves huge assumption. Please ignore and forgive it if it is out of line. If you were the one who broke your wedding vows, it's time to man-up and accept responsibility. I'm not condoning the behavior of your former wife at all. It is dead wrong of her, period. At the same time however, if infidelity on your part is the ultimate cause of the parting, then we reap what we sow. Such a failing tends to call into question one's trustworthiness in any relationship. In that case it would be onus upon the disloyal party to go above and beyond to prove beyond any doubt loyalty and honor in relationships with the children. Prove to the judge and all/any with objectivity that you are trustworthy and deserving of infinite trust wrt the child. Document it. Form a plan, chart it on a calendar. Execute it to perfection. Never break a meeting. Always be early. Always go the extra mile. Anything less is failure. You can do it. I am very sorry for your heart-wrenching situation. How would you advise others who are married or thinking of it to avoid it? What would you do differently to avoid it? | ||
| Blake |
Really? Still? The failing of that kind of life philosophy is its refusal to recognize conscience and its profound affect upon our own self-esteem. Maybe I'm reading too much into that, but for a "life history/philosphy" it's difficult to read else-wise. Suggest instead something like: "Treat others as you would be treated."  | ||
| Stirz007 |
Roady - as I'm sure you know, matters of the heart are always sticky. "Your former wife is obviously harboring very deep resentment." Blake - I'd offer that sometimes the resentment is not necessarily due to cause. In my case, I never saw it coming until the bomb dropped - "I'm not happy, I want a divorce, and you need to move out". Never cheated, never laid a hand on her in anger, tried to be good husband and father - and yes, I probably fell short in some areas. At the end of the day, I blame the mid-life crisis/grass is greener situation (that, and too many self-help/relationship books and Oprah) for the split - (she remarried to a coworker relatively quickly after divorce was finalized). I think in my case, I didn't become a worthless bastard until she decided she wanted a divorce - then I was. Helped to justify her decision, I think. But I think the bottom line is that this is a long process and it will never really end. Sounds like she knows what buttons to push - funny how ex's can do that. If you want to "win" - you probably won't, so make sure you have your priorities figured out. If your end game is to have a good relationship with your children, then much of what has been said I would agree with. I have a good relationship with my two sons - it has been based upon consistency and integrity on my part - If I make a promise, I keep it - my boys have noticed. Things like: 'dad makes all my games/track meets/whatever - why didn't mom come?' get noticed. Your relationship with your children will be based largely upon what you do, not what your ex does. Again, good luck. | ||
| Roadcouch98 |
Blake, I simply refused to be bitched at in the Parking Lot, and went inside before she showed up, believing she would not make a scene. Unfortunate for her, she called, and I put my phone on speaker, so after she said it, and came inside, everyone around us knew who said it. My house is paid for. Not really, what I'd like to start over again. The Daycare is a half hour the other direction from her house, and I live one half hour from her, so that's where the One Hour Drive comes from. There was never any Infidelity. It was the 'Spending to Death', that I couldn't take anymore. My job was going away, and when My Son was born, I was working crazy amounts of time to pay everything off. I say "I", because my Ex had better uses for her paychecks. Paying Bills with it, were not one of them. Two Months before she left,everything but the House was paid off. Shortly after (maybe a Month), I found another Credit Card with a Ten Thousand Dollar cash advance on it. I couldn't take anymore. I told her to leave, and she did. I had no idea how bad it would feel when My Son was gone. Within 6 Months of leaving, she'd racked up $26,000 in credit cards. I was not responsible for these, but it is an idea of where I am coming from. Not to mention how much ass kissing I had to do , to not lose the house. Payments were not being made, and the Mail was thrown into garbage bags , and stashed. What type of person would contract a Venereal Disease, and not mention it ? She told me, when we broke up, and I was accused of giving it to her. I didn't get tested, and we got married. What a Surprise it was, that during the Divorce proceedings, I got tested and didn't catch it. - She takes the Meds, which is how I know, she does. I choose to walk away. She chooses to Confront. | ||
| Roadcouch98 |
The root of this post was that My Ex wants to work out an agreement for the Holidays. I like them fine. It is My Weekend with him. I'll spend Thanksgiving, and the weekend without him, and I'll be picking him up at 3pm, on Christmas Eve, keeping him through 7pm two days later. She can have her Family's Christmas On Christmas Eve, until I pick him up. What is there to negotiate ? | ||
| Roadcouch98 |
" quote: Life History/Philosophy: "Do it if You can get away with it." Really? Still? " I've done some crazy things in my life. Surprised I'm still here. Mostly Alcohol fueled, many years ago, to take away reason/common sense. Not very Wild and Crazy anymore. | ||
| Sayitaintso |
Jerry, if thats the deal and you want to stick with it, thats your call. IMO though, if she wants you to do something about Christmas, then she needs to do something about Thanksgiving. All I can give you is my experience when I was a kid. I didn't really look forward to the holidays (other than getting out of school). I spent more time in the car traveling than anything else those days. Two Thanksgiving dinners, where neither family was happy b/c either I had to leave early (and mess up the timing for dinner) or get there late (and again mess up the timing for dinner). Then it was neither set of grandparents were satisfied and wanted to know what was wrong b/c I "wasn't eating"....never mind the fact that I had already ate once or knew I had to eat again later. Then for Christmas....morning with mom, about 10-11am picked up to go to dads place, then about 3 or so off to the "big" family get together, and then back to moms and dead tired with never having been able to play with any of the new toys. Please, dont get me wrong, I'm not saying roll over and "take one for the team". Just saying, think about it from your kids point of view and tell your ex she should do the same. | ||
| Johnnymceldoo |
If you lived a life under Islamic law perhaps the ny courts would favor your position more. I can't imagine the headache you are going through and wish you the best of luck. | ||
| Blake |
>>> I choose to walk away. She chooses to confront. Really? >>> I simply refused to be bitched at in the Parking Lot That is ego talking and is indeed a form of confrontation. It serves no good, zero in this case. Your expectation of being "bitched at" is causing further confrontation. In effect you are getting what you are expecting. Stop expecting anything and have no care for her miserableness one way or the other. Rise far above it all, always. Shed defensiveness for accommodation. While you imagine that you are taking control of a situation, you are actually giving her control over your life. Stop that. Seek to be accommodating to her rather than defensive of what you expect may happen. Easy advice, tough act to live. But not impossible, certainly not if you care for your son. >>> she called, and I put my phone on speaker By putting her on speakerphone, you again chose/expected confrontation. Your expectation was negative, which in turn leads to exactly what you expect. Expect nothing. Ignore miserableness. Shed defensiveness and retaliate with impeccable maturity, righteousness, caring. You apparently also made certain that she was made aware of being on speakerphone. Again, another ego-driven confrontational choice made by you. "A__hole"? You want truth? I think she was pretty darn accurate in that characterization of your behavior. Very, very lame and selfish. Instead, seek to go out of your way to accommodate. What reason then will she have to call you an a__hole? You don't want to sell your house and move closer to your son. You are choosing to place your personal financial investment before more convenient access to your son. The court will likely view that in its objective light, as you putting yourself first ahead of access to your son. It is what it is, right or wrong, justifiable or no. Having things paid off is laudable. Making that a priority over family maybe not so much. One mate sees it as putting family first through financial security; it is not always the case with the other mate who may end up feeling abandoned and lonely, depressed for lack of that which he/she craves, time and attention from his/her mate. Different people try to fill the hole of depression by different means, some eat more, some spend and shop more, some look elsewhere for loving intimacy. Words have strong effect. Making others feel worthless through words never achieves any good result. I only offer the above in case you may not have considered it. I hope you take it into thoughtful consideration. What kind of person would choose to not inform his/her mate of a venereal disease before a marriage? A desperate person. Surely you might understand falling deeply in love with someone and not wanting to lose them to the truth. It isn't right; it is dead wrong. It is however entirely understandable. What would you do differently? How would you counsel others to avoid similar marital failure? Counseling? | ||
| Xl1200r |
I'll second what Say says... holidays suck. At first, it's cool - two christmases, another set or two of grandparents to buy me stuff, fun and games. But my experience, as I got a little older, was similar to Say's. Morning at mom's, afternoon at dad's. Now factor in having a girlfriend and on occasion she had a split family. Now there's four houses to get to, all of which get annoyed you can't stay longer but you have no choice because the last thing you want to do is play favorites. You want to know the kicker? I'm 27 years old. I haven't lived at home in years, and I STILL have to deal with all this crap, every year, every holiday. This Thanksgiving will be cake, though, compared to how I've had to do it for, literally, the past 13 years. My dad is going with his wife to CT to see her family, so I don't have to visit his house. Not ideal because I'd rather see him, but a relief that I don't have to make time in an already booked schedule. My girlfriend has a small family - just her mom and sister - and everyone has been invited to my mom's house. One stop, for the whole day. I haven't had a one stop holiday since I was 12 years old. | ||
| Blake |
The root of this post was that My Ex wants to work out an agreement for the Holidays. Jerry, If you are indeed interested in a more amicable long term situation more in-line with your liking and towards achieving more time with your son, then here is your chance to prove that you are willing to rise above the miserableness. Your position sounds entirely confrontational to me, and unwillingness to consider/negotiate out of ego, me-me-me. Dude. YOU must rise above the miserableness. If it is no serious imposition upon you to accommodate her request, then simply do so. I'm sorry bro, the more I read of your attitude, the more it seems clear that you may well be as much if not more the problem than she. If you want consideration for your desires, you absolutely must be willing to first give it to her. Shed the ego, shed the defensiveness, seek to accommodate and exemplify kindness and rationale maturity. If you can manage it, you won't be disappointed by the results. I promise. Hang tough. Hope I'm helping more than aggravating. |
