| Author | Message | ||
     Tramp |
Zippy The Pinhead walks into a donut shop, and says 'gimme a glazed" | ||
| Aydenxb9 |
Zippy The Pinhead walks into a donut shop, and says 'gimme a glazed" Huh?!  | ||
| Sleez |
Tramp....always trying to start shit!!!  | ||
| Shawn_9r |
Why did the snow-man pull down his pants? He heard the snow blower coming. | ||
| Leftcoastal |
Dreadlocked Rastafarian walks into a bar, He' got a big green parrot on his shoulder. Bartender: "Wow, that's cool! wher'd ya get it?" Parrot: "Jamaica" | ||
| Cochise |
A Magician onstage asks the audience for a volunteer. Magician says, "I want you to take this sledgehammer and hit me square in the temple." -Wham, he's knocked un-concious. 5 years later, he wakes from a coma, looks at the Doctor and says, "TAH-DAAAH!" | ||
| Cochise |
Another magician on a cruise ship is doing his magic and the Captain's Parrot keeps giving the tricks away... "Rah, it's in his sleeve...Rah, it's in his hat....Rah, it's in his coat. This goes on for 4 days of the cruise. Next day the boat hits an iceberg and sinks. Only two survivors are the Magician and the Parrot. They both sit there 3 days arms and wings crossed like they're pissed and glare at each other in disgust, finally the Parrot says, "Ok, I give up, where did you put the boat?" | ||
| Cochise |
My wife likes Picasso and Mexican food, talk about Artsy-Fartsy. | ||
| Tramp |
termite walks into a bar and says "is the bar tender here?" | ||
| Mr_grumpy |
A bog Irishman walks into a Dublin pub with a pig under his arm, The barman says "Where on earth did you find that in the city?" The pig replies "I won him in a raffle" | ||
| Doon |
A piece of string walks into a bar, hops on the stool and says "Give me a Beer". The bartender looks over, and says, "Get out of here, we don't serve strings at this bar". The string goes out side and asks the first person he sees; "Can you please mess up my ends a bit and tie my like a pretzel?". The person obliges. The string walks back into the bar, up on the stool and says "Bartender, give me a beer." The bartender looks over and says "Hey, aren't you the string I just tossed out of here?" The string says "Nope, I'm a frayed knot"..... | ||
| Mr_grumpy |
THING THAT MAKE YOU GO HMMMM Did you ever stop and wonder... Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?" Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum." Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer? Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway? Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs? Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream?? If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? (This one kills me!!!) If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from? If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? Stop singing and read on... Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup? Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window? Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster? Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first place? | ||
| Leftcoastal |
Yup, had ta stop singin'! | ||
| Metalstorm |
Why do we drive on a parkway & park in a driveway? Why does sour cream have an expiration date? Hasn't it already gone sour?? | ||
| Cadzilla |
Subject: lawyer quickies Q: How does an attorney sleep? A: First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other. Q: How many lawyer jokes are there? A: Only three; the rest are true stories. Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? A: You won't find a lawyer who can change a light bulb. Now, if you're looking for a lawyer to screw a light bulb . . . Q: How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Three; one to climb the ladder, one to shake it, and one to sue the ladder company. Q: What are lawyers good for? A: They make used car salesmen look good. Q: What do you call a lawyer gone bad? A: Senator. Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? A: Your Honor. Q: What do you get when you cross a bad politician with a crooked lawyer? A: Chelsea. Q: What do you throw to a drowning lawyer? A: His partners or an anvil. Q: What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer? A: Nothing; there are some things a pig won't do. Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar? A: The pronunciation. Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and an onion? A: You cry when you cut up an onion. Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture? A: The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles. Q: Why did God create snakes just before lawyers? A: To practice | ||
| Kowpow225 |
What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese. | ||
| Cochise |
More Lawyer Jokes: Q: What do you get if there's a lawyer up to his neck in cement? A: More cement Q: What is the difference between a Lawyer and a Catfish A: One is a scum sucking, scavenging, bottom feeder, and the other is a fish. Q:What do you call 20,000 Lawyers at the bottom of the Ocean. A:A good start. | ||
| Dako |
A horse walks into a bar.... Bartender says "Why the long face?" nobody steals these jokes. | ||
| Dako |
Q - How many dyslexics does it change to take a lightbulb? | ||
| Crusty |
What's the difference between a lawyer and a rooster? A rooster clucks defiance. | ||
| Mr_grumpy |
"What's the difference between a Hoover vacuum cleaner and a Harley rider?" "On the vacuum, the dirtbag is on the bottom." | ||
| Light_keeper |
How many Californian's does it take to screw in a light bulb? None Californian's don't screw in light bulbs they screw in Hot tubs.  | ||
| Slaughter |
Ever see Stevie Wonder's house? well, neither has he! | ||
| Slaughter |
In California, how do you separate the men from the boys? Bucket of cold water - or a prybar | ||
| Slaughter |
In California, how many people does it take to change a lightbulb? 202: 1 to hold the ladder, 1 to remove and install the lightbulb, 200 to SHARE THE EXPERIENCE, MAN! | ||
| Cochise |
1. Teaching Math In 1950 A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit? 2. Teaching Math In 1960 A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit? 3. Teaching Math In 1970 A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit? 4. Teaching Math In 1980 A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20. 5. Teaching Math In 1990 A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers.) 6. Teaching Math In 2005 Un hachero vende una carretada de maderapara $100. El costo de la producciones es $80 | ||
| Pupu |
dude, that is so funny, when i saw the spanish on line 6 i choked on my water. sad but true! | ||
| G234146 |
A fish walks into a bar. Bartender ask: "What'l ya have?" The fish says: "WATER!!!!!" | ||
| Hammeroid |
chinese guy sitting at one end of a bar and a jew at the other end. After about an hour of drinking the jew gets up and walks over to the china man and clocks him in the jaw knocking him to the floor. Chinaman gets up and asks "what was that for?" jew says "pearl Harbor" to which the Chinaman replies "that was the Japanese, I'm Chinese." Jew says "Chinese, japanese, you're all the F'in same." Then walks back over to his end of the bar. Not long after the Chinaman goes over and punches the jew, knocking him of his stool. Jew say "whats that for?" Chinaman says "the Titanic." Jew says "that was an iceberg." Chinaman replies " iceberg, silverberg, you're all the fin same. | ||
| Slaughter |
You might be a redneck if: Any of your relatives last words were: "Hey, hold my beer and watch THIS!" |
