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Buell Motorcycle Forum » Big, Bad & Dirty (Buell XB12X Ulysses Adventure Board) » BB&D Archives » Archive through August 30, 2006 » SLAYER'S Misc. Sayings, Stories, News, & Jokes Thread » Archive through June 28, 2006 « Previous Next »

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Snub13
Posted on Tuesday, June 06, 2006 - 02:55 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

Well, Slayer...it's nice to see that the FBI gave you back the computer!

As for the budget cuts and the new uniform, anything in the name of public safety! (at least whoever took the photo got my best side!)

Bindy, Opto is a great guy for letting you use his body for research! Congrats on the certificate, good job! I'll have to take you up on the tushy massage someday, thanks! (next time (first time?) I'm in Brisbane I'll look you up)
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Dragon_slayer
Posted on Tuesday, June 06, 2006 - 06:48 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

Bindy, congrats on a job well done! Now you will be ready to set a booth up at next year's Homecoming. I knew we could draw old Snub out of hiding!

Snub, the FBI did not give me my old computer back...... They gave me a new super-duty one, and a very nice camera with a telephoto lens! They said that they were tried of me creating work for them so I now have to have work created for me. Now I did it .... told too much. Hey, no one should believe that this will be easy!
Signing off, Slayer.
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Smcnamara
Posted on Wednesday, June 07, 2006 - 11:44 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play
together.

One day the two were playing, when the horse fell into a bog and began to
sink.

Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer
for help!

Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he searched and
searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the
only tractor.

Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Harley.

Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope
hoping he still had time to save his friend's life.

Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken
arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope
the chicken tossed to him.

After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's bike, the
chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike,
rescued the horse!

Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, and the
farmer was none the wiser when he returned.

The friendship between the two animals was cemented: Best Buddies, Best
Pals.

A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too, began
to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life!

The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle.

Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his hangy-down thing and he
would then lift him out of the pit.

The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his
life.

The moral of the story? (yep, you betcha, there IS a moral!)

"When You're Hung Like A Horse, You Don't Need A Harley To Pick Up Chicks

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Bindy
Posted on Wednesday, June 07, 2006 - 10:25 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

I like it!!!
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Dragon_slayer
Posted on Saturday, June 10, 2006 - 04:22 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

THE MOST FUNCTIONAL ENGLISH WORD
>
>Well, it's shit... that's right, shit!
>Shit may just be the most functional word in the
>English language.
>
>Consider:
>
>You can get shit-faced, Be shit-out-of-luck, or have
>shit-for-brains.
>
>With a little effort, you can get your shit together,
>find a place for your shit, or be asked to shit or
>get off the pot.
>
>You can smoke shit, buy shit, sell shit, lose shit,
>find shit, forget shit, and tell others to eat-shit.
>
>Some people know their shit, while others can't tell
>the difference between shit and shineola.
>
>There are lucky shits, dumb shits, and crazy shits.
>There is bull shit, horse shit, and chicken shit.
>
>You can throw shit, sling shit, catch shit, shoot the
>shit, or duck when the shit hits the fan.
>
>You can give a shit or serve shit on a shingle.
>
>You can find yourself in deep shit or be happier than
>a pig in shit.
>
>Some days are colder than shit, some days are hotter
>than shit, and some days are just plain $hitty.
>
>Some music sounds like shit, things can look like
>shit, and there are times when you feel like shit.
>
>You can have too much shit, not enough shit, the right
>shit, the wrong shit or a lot of weird shit.
>
>You can carry shit, have a mountain of shit, or find
>yourself up shit creek without a paddle.
>
>Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit and other
>times you fall in a bucket of shit and come out
>smelling like a rose.
>
>
>When you stop to consider all the facts, it's the
>basic building block of the English language.
>
>And remember, once you know your shit, you don't need
>to know anything else!!
>
>You could pass this along, if you give a shit; or not
>do so if you don't give a shit!
>
>
>Well Shit, it's time for me to go. Just wanted you to
>know that I do give a shit and hope you had a nice
>day, without a bunch of shit. But, if you happened to
>catch a load of shit from some shit-head..........
>Well, Shit Happens!!!

OH SHIT, LOOK AT THE TIME, I GOT TO GET THE SHIT OUT OF HERE! SEE YOU.
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Bindy
Posted on Sunday, June 11, 2006 - 06:32 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

It's only the depth that varies! Or if you are good at spinning it, there's a lot of money to be made!
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Snub13
Posted on Monday, June 12, 2006 - 10:48 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

If you can spin it you get a shit load of money from some shit head who got himself in deep shit!



Speaking of deep shit:

Slayer please stop parking in the fire zones.....

fire


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Snub13
Posted on Monday, June 12, 2006 - 11:23 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

Hey Bindy....
The Ausies WON!!!!!


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Lowflyer
Posted on Monday, June 12, 2006 - 12:26 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

They should have busted the back glass too. Firemen have to have fun sometime.
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Bindy
Posted on Friday, June 16, 2006 - 04:07 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

Hi Guys, Sorry Snub13 been away with work trouble shooting for my company and have just got home.

Not a real soccer fan myself, but Aussies do love their sport and our country is in soccer fever!!!!

We are on the top of the ladder over Brazil so needless to say the media and Aussie soccer fans are making the most of it while it lasts.

Really hate the fact that I cannot get the little icon pictures up on our home computer!

By the way Snub, decided the chances of you , Dragon and Lowflyer getting to Aussie are pretty slim so Opto and I have decided to start saving and take our bikes over to see you guys.

May take a couple of years to save but look out we are coming!
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Lowflyer
Posted on Friday, June 16, 2006 - 09:23 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

I could go to Aussie in another three years or so. I have to wait until I have at least three weeks of vacation. Right now I only get two. This year we are going to Jackson, WY.
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Bearly
Posted on Friday, June 16, 2006 - 12:19 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

It's going to be 70 or so here today in Jackson Hole. Very nice, I wish I had the bike with me.
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Bindy
Posted on Friday, June 16, 2006 - 09:18 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

Hi Ya Bearly,

Nice bike, shame about the color though!

Now that should get Dragon out of the cave he is hiding in!!!!!!!!
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Lowflyer
Posted on Saturday, June 17, 2006 - 09:03 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

Bindy,

Didn't you mean to say "...closet he is hiding in?"
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Brat
Posted on Sunday, June 18, 2006 - 03:38 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

Hey Bindy, passing thru Brisbane tomorrow morning (19/06/06), email me at chris.moore at brat.info and I'll give you my daughter's (linda) phone number so you can pick up the Buell computer stuff!
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Bindy
Posted on Monday, June 19, 2006 - 07:16 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

Oh Lowflyer... No I was thinking more of Dragon hiding away too afraid to come out of his cave because he might became extinct!

But maybe you are onto something......

Come Out! Come Out! Where ever you are Dragon we love you!!!

Thanks Brat, got your daughter's number will give her a call, hope you had a safe trip.

My Joke of the week

A Cowboy gets married and takes his new wife to a swank motel.

"Give me your best room" he says to the guy at the front desk, "I just got married."

"Do you want the Bridal?" asks the guy at the desk.

"No thanks " the cowboy replies "If she starts to buck, I'll try hanging onto her ears first!
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Lowflyer
Posted on Monday, June 19, 2006 - 12:01 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

A bus stops and 2 men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more! Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Den I come one lasta time."

The lady can't take this any more, "You foul-mouthed sex obsessed pig," she retorted indignantly. "In this country, we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives!"

One of the men replied, "We not talkin'abouta sex? I'ma justa tellin' my frienda how to spell Mississippi."
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Dragon_slayer
Posted on Tuesday, June 20, 2006 - 08:11 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

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Bindy
Posted on Thursday, June 22, 2006 - 05:09 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

Well it's a typical night here in Aussie....

Well may be not! Opto is chatting to his friends that he met on the megasuirt board, Scott from Seattle USA and David from South Africa, difference is they are sitting in my house.

Well no matter where you come from BOYS WILL BE BOYS!

They are talking a language I do not understand but they are smiling and laughing!

Dragon I noted you commented on another post about orange Uly's and picked on Snub, I know what you are up to.....

Snub ignore him united we stand divided we fall!! Black Rules!!!!!!!
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Dragon_slayer
Posted on Thursday, June 22, 2006 - 06:15 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

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Snub13
Posted on Friday, June 23, 2006 - 11:21 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

You are sooooo right Bindy! Slayer is obviously compensating for some, er, short coming (or deformity). We just have to let him express himself in a way that he is comfortable with. Tsk, Tsk....it really is a shame...poor, poor man.



I read that you and Opto are saving to come to the US...We are saving to go to Aussie...what if we pass each other in mid air? That would be a hoot!
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Crusty
Posted on Friday, June 23, 2006 - 02:13 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

Snub, if you do go over to visit; make sure you go to Nimbin. I visited Nimbin in 1994 and I felt like I was back in 1969. The roads to it are fun, as well.
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Smcnamara
Posted on Monday, June 26, 2006 - 02:30 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

I dunno... After Brad and Angelina had their baby there, I'm sure it's gotten a bit touristy.
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Dragon_slayer
Posted on Monday, June 26, 2006 - 03:41 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

Snub, I am surprised! Have you not learned that it not always the size but the cute way that you can get on and off?
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Bindy
Posted on Monday, June 26, 2006 - 06:56 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

Well have finished stock take at work and Opto took me for a ride up into the mountains on Uly to blow out the cobwebs.

I have been riding Bindy a lot so have not been on the back of Uly since before Christmas, and I had really forgotten what a great bike it is.

Crusty the ride we went on is on the way to Nimbin and you are spot on the roads are fun.

Nimbin has changed a lot though not so "Hippie" anymore, the hard drugs scene is taking over and gangs are starting to cause trouble. Real shame as it was a fun place to go years ago and you where pretty safe.

Snub think it will take us a while to save up and get over to you, still a lot of renovating to do on the house and a new roof has been put to the top of the priority list.

Although the feeling did not last long, must admit I did feel a tiny bit ashamed when Scott from Seattle was here. We have knocked out walls and have wires hanging out everywhere. It's a little "workers cottage" about 80 years old so needs a lot of TLC.

Trouble is you see we spent the renovation money on Uly, he seemed a much bigger priority than the renovations!!!!!

Oh well guess at the end of the day as long as Opto and I are happy who gives a hoot!
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Snub13
Posted on Tuesday, June 27, 2006 - 12:16 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

You can fix up the homestead anytime! The Uly would have been a priority for me also.

I know what you mean about the renovation type thing, We have great plans for our new house (built in 2004), deck / patio, home theater, already need a larger garage, out door lighting, and the list goes on and on.

It may take awhile for us also (but it is on the list!)
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Dragon_slayer
Posted on Tuesday, June 27, 2006 - 06:33 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

Snub, remember that nice camera and lens the FBI gave me? Folks, I took this picture of Snub having a case of beer brought to him! Did he offer anyone here a beer?


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Lowflyer
Posted on Tuesday, June 27, 2006 - 07:42 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

Never seen buttfloss being used in that manner. Is that called cooter pulling?
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Bindy
Posted on Tuesday, June 27, 2006 - 11:02 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

Subject: THE VALUE OF UNDIES

Be careful what you wear (or don't wear), when working under your vehicle, especially in public.

From the Sydney Morning Herald Column 8 comes this story of a central west couple who drove their car to K-Mart only to have their car break down in the parking lot.

The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car there in the lot.

The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car.

On closer inspection she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis.

Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned his private parts into glaringly public ones.

Unable to stand the embarrassment she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts and tucked everything back into place.

On regaining her feet she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by the car........................
The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his head.
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Brat
Posted on Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 03:08 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

Glad she's towing lights!

BTW Bindy, have you had a chance to get/try the software?
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