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Fubar
| | Posted on Tuesday, August 15, 2006 - 07:25 pm: | 
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It's all in a name!
A man scanned the guests at a party and spotted an attractive woman standing
alone. He approached her and asked her name.
"My name is Carmen," she told him.
"That's a beautiful name," he said. "Is it a family name?"
"No," she replied. I gave it to myself. It reflects the things I like most -
cars and men. What's your name?" she asked.
"Beertits," he said. |
Crusty
| | Posted on Sunday, August 20, 2006 - 06:56 am: |
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My neighbor found out her dog could hardly hear so she took it to
the veterinarian. He found that the problem was hair in its ears.
So he cleaned both ears and the dog could hear fine.
The vet then proceeded to tell the lady that if she wanted to keep
this from recurring she should go to the store and get some "Nair"
hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month.
The lady goes to the drug store and gets some "Nair" hair remover.
At the register the druggist tells her, "If you're going to use this
under your arms, don't use deodorant for a few days."
The lady says, "I'm not using it under my arms."
The druggist says, "Well if you're using it on your legs, don't
shave for a couple of days."
The lady says, "I'm not using it on my legs either. If you must
know, I'm using it on my schnauzer."
The druggist says, "Stay off your bicycle for a week." |
Dragon_slayer
| | Posted on Monday, August 21, 2006 - 09:06 pm: |
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A RUB takes a well used Buell into the dealer, complaining that it runs poorly.
In just minutes, the mechanic has it running beautifully. "What's up?" asks the RUB. "Just crap in the carb", says the mechanic. "Really", says the RUB. "How often should I do that?"  |
Bindy
| | Posted on Wednesday, August 23, 2006 - 07:26 am: |
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Hey Dragon,Snud and Lowflyer are you out there?????
Just hit rock bottom, moving out.
Too old these days to put up with unhappiness, well that's what my logical side says anyway.
Can I still post you guys even though I own a Motto Guzzi?
Thanks for being there
Jannellexoxoxoxooxoxo |
Lowflyer
| | Posted on Wednesday, August 23, 2006 - 09:01 am: |
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 Wow! Sorry to hear about that for sure. I'm still here. |
Snub13
| | Posted on Wednesday, August 23, 2006 - 11:21 am: |
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Bindy, I'm here! You can post no matter what.
Sorry things aren't going well for you. Remember, when your at rock bottom, the only way to go is up! hang in there!!!!!!!!!
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Crusty
| | Posted on Wednesday, August 23, 2006 - 07:04 pm: |
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Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.
If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got there first.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day.
Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. |
Crusty
| | Posted on Wednesday, August 23, 2006 - 07:11 pm: |
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Bindy, I hope things get better quickly.
Moto Guzzis are neat bikes. My wife has a 750 Breva, and really likes it. Many years ago, I raced a Guzzi V7 Sport. If I weren't on a Buell, I'd probably be on a Guzzi now.
Which model do you have? |
Dragon_slayer
| | Posted on Friday, August 25, 2006 - 10:40 pm: |
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Bindy, there are a number of ex "Goose" owners here, me included. In fact my Uly reminds me of a cross between my past Guzzi SP, moded by me for American sport touring, and my past XR 1000, an a$$ kicking Sportster! As far as posting? HELL, ALL SINGLE WOMEN CAN POST HERE!
(PSsss, can you also bring some of your lady friends along. Some of these guys may be single.) |
Dragon_slayer
| | Posted on Friday, August 25, 2006 - 10:56 pm: |
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For Bindy,
A positive attitude will not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
Most people would sooner die than think. In fact, they often do.
Some things in life are a given. Like, Crusty will come up with more one liners!
I was late for an important meeting one day, but could not find a parking space!
I looked up and said, "Lord, please help. If you'll give me a parking spot, I promise to go to church every Sunday."
Miraculously, a parking space suddenly appeared. So I looked upward again and said, "Never mind. I found one." |
Crusty
| | Posted on Saturday, August 26, 2006 - 08:18 am: |
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KILLER BISCUITS WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (the actual AP headline)
Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head.
One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she'd been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour.
The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head.
When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid.
Linda is a blond and a Republican, but I'm certain that's irrelevant. |
Dragon_slayer
| | Posted on Sunday, August 27, 2006 - 08:45 am: |
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Electraglider_1997
| | Posted on Sunday, August 27, 2006 - 10:49 am: |
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I wonder what she thought while that bread dough continued to leaven. Good story, I sent it on to others. |
Dragon_slayer
| | Posted on Thursday, September 07, 2006 - 06:42 pm: |
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An ORANGE Uly fan!
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Lowflyer
| | Posted on Thursday, September 07, 2006 - 09:58 pm: |
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Not bad for a tranny.  |
Bindy
| | Posted on Tuesday, October 03, 2006 - 07:59 pm: |
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A chicken and an egg are lying in bed.
The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette,
with a satisfied smile on its face.
The egg, looking a bit pissed off, grabs the sheet, rolls over, and says
"Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question."
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