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03worc9r
Posted on Wednesday, April 08, 2009 - 02:26 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

Just thought I would share an email, I hope this isn't real, kinda funny....

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high
school diploma to fix one.

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet',
which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the
form and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are
some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS' pilots (marked with
a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance
engineers.
By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an
accident.
************************************************** *****************
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
************************************************** *****************
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
************************************************** ******************

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit
************************************************** ******************
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order
************************************************** ******************
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
************************************************** ******************
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear..
S: Evidence removed.
************************************************** ******************
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
************************************************** ******************
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
************************************************** ******************
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode..
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
************************************************** ******************
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
************************************************** ******************
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search
************************************************** ******************
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
************************************************** ******************
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
************************************************** ******************
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
************************************************** ******************
And the best one for last
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget.
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Xodot
Posted on Wednesday, April 08, 2009 - 02:30 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

I laughed till I cried - Thanks for sharing!
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Greenlantern
Posted on Wednesday, April 08, 2009 - 02:33 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

Still funny though last time I read it , Qantas was the airline.
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Brinnutz
Posted on Wednesday, April 08, 2009 - 02:55 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

Having worked in the aviation field while in the military...THATS HILARIOUS!
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Badlionsfan
Posted on Wednesday, April 08, 2009 - 02:58 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

+1 Greenlantern, about 10 years ago.

Still a hoot to read.
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Limitedx1
Posted on Wednesday, April 08, 2009 - 03:14 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

funny funny, your flying in it lol
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Swordsman
Posted on Wednesday, April 08, 2009 - 04:03 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

Doubt this was originally written for any civilian airline, given that there's mention of a "target radar"... unless UPS is armed with more than just packages.

~SM
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Ourdee
Posted on Wednesday, April 08, 2009 - 04:24 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

What do you think a "package" is?
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Spdkls
Posted on Wednesday, April 08, 2009 - 05:12 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

that one has been circling the AF for a few years now. grapevine says it originally came from the RAAF in Aussie land, but it said Qantas on the email.

still some funny stuff.
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Fast1075
Posted on Wednesday, April 08, 2009 - 08:33 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

"Package"? Refer to "B83" on another thread

Stuff like that has been around forever..even when I was....NEVERMIND!!! I know NOTHING!! (In my best Sargent Schultz voice) ; )
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