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Bandm
Posted on Tuesday, November 19, 2019 - 06:02 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

One of my favorite creatures....While they may appear cute and cuddly, they can be very violent. They will stalk you and pounce on you when you least expect it, and can take everything you have in one swipe. They have a very unpredictable attitude and will lash out sometimes for almost no logical reason at all. Here, a photographer has caught one in a peaceful moment, hugging a bear...



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Sifo
Posted on Tuesday, November 19, 2019 - 06:20 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

Q: What does Bill say to Hillary after sex?

A: I'll be home in 20 minutes.
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86129squids
Posted on Wednesday, November 20, 2019 - 01:00 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

Dang, Tom, you're getting lazy.

And unobservant. Of the OP.

Try again.
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Sifo
Posted on Wednesday, November 20, 2019 - 05:53 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

Yeah, that probably isn't based on enough truth to really be funny. The flight back from Epstein's island took more than 20 minutes.
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86129squids
Posted on Wednesday, November 20, 2019 - 12:59 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

Bear's copping a nice feel...

Me too?
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Hootowl
Posted on Monday, December 16, 2019 - 01:45 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

How many Mexicans does it take to change a light bulb?

One, you racist bastards.
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Hootowl
Posted on Monday, December 16, 2019 - 01:47 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder, one to jiggle the ladder, and one to sue the ladder company.
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Ducbsa
Posted on Wednesday, December 18, 2019 - 04:46 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

The wooden ball

An old man walks into the barbershop for a shave and haircut,

But he tells the barber he probably can't get all of his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.

The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells him to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.

When he's finished, the old man tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he's had in years.

But he wanted to know what would have happened If he had swallowed that little ball.

The barber replied, "Just bring it back in a couple of days like
everyone else does."
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Strokizator
Posted on Saturday, December 21, 2019 - 08:59 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

A doctor walks into the examination room and puts his hand on his patient's shoulder.
"I'm afraid I have some bad news. You're dying and don't have much time left."
"Oh, no!" says the patient. "How long do I have to live?"
"Ten" says the doctor.
"Ten?" cried the panicked patient. "Ten what? Days? Weeks? Months?"
The doctor calmly replies, "Nine . . "
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Sami
Posted on Friday, January 17, 2020 - 10:08 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

What do you get when you cross a Deconstructionist and a Mafioso? You get someone who makes you a proposition you can't understand.
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Ducbsa
Posted on Sunday, January 19, 2020 - 01:46 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)


vv
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Pwnzor
Posted on Thursday, January 23, 2020 - 09:26 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

So...

A Bosnian Muslim pet shop owner sells a parrot to a Croatian Catholic. The Catholic man is very pleased with the beautiful plumage, and figures the bird will eventually pick up some Croatian words.

So the bird sits on his perch in the Croat's foyer, and continually greets his visitors with "Inshallah" and "As-salamu alakum".

For the first few weeks, it's funny - but after a while, these words being continually spoken in his house are wearing on the nerves of the devout Catholic. So he devises a plan to deprive the bird of food until he stops the Muslim sayings. After a few weeks, the bird stops speaking altogether.

The Croat figures the bird has finally learned his lesson, and fills his dish with all the treats he had previously enjoyed.

Upon seeing the food in his bowl, the bird immediately squawks, "alhamd lilah , laqad mara ramadan fi alnahayat!"
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Hootowl
Posted on Thursday, January 23, 2020 - 10:43 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

that’s funny
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Ourdee
Posted on Friday, January 24, 2020 - 09:49 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

Is the bird praising Allah that ramadon is over?
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Aesquire
Posted on Friday, January 24, 2020 - 11:53 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

Something like that. : )
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Pwnzor
Posted on Friday, January 24, 2020 - 12:05 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

He was thanking Allah because Ramadan is over, and he can start eating again.

It's funnier when told in Bosnian.
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Hootowl
Posted on Friday, January 24, 2020 - 04:21 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

How do you find Will Smith in a snow storm?

You look for fresh prints.
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Ducbsa
Posted on Friday, January 24, 2020 - 05:20 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

Do we need a separate thread for Bosnian jokes?
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Ourdee
Posted on Saturday, January 25, 2020 - 08:47 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

I still got a chuckle out of it. I upset the timing.
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Midknyte
Posted on Monday, January 27, 2020 - 03:40 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

https://youtu.be/J2l-F1ElJMc

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Ratbuell
Posted on Tuesday, February 04, 2020 - 12:39 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

A farmer got pulled over by a Texas State Trooper for speeding. The Trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer uncomfortable. Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket. As he was doing that, he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head. The farmer said, "Having some problems with circle flies there, are ya?" The Trooper stopped writing the ticket and said, "Well yeah, if that's what they are. I never heard of circle flies." So the farmer says, "Well, circle flies are common on farms. See, they're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse." The Trooper says, "Oh," and goes back to writing the ticket. Then after a minute he stops and says, "Are you trying to call me a horse's @$$?" The farmer says, "Oh no, officer. I have too much respect for law enforcement and police officers to even think about calling you a horse's @$$." The Trooper says, "Well, that's a good thing," and goes back to writing the ticket. After a long pause, the farmer says, "Hard to fool them flies though.
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Pwnzor
Posted on Wednesday, February 05, 2020 - 11:12 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

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Aesquire
Posted on Thursday, February 06, 2020 - 02:04 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

https://babylonbee.com/news/keto-couple-plunged-in to-sin-after-tasting-forbidden-bread
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Ourdee
Posted on Thursday, February 06, 2020 - 08:13 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

Vomitorium here they come.

(Message edited by ourdee on February 06, 2020)
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Ducbsa
Posted on Saturday, February 08, 2020 - 07:30 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)


gat
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Hootowl
Posted on Thursday, March 05, 2020 - 02:22 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

Forget it. I was going to tell a Jim Jones joke, but the punch line is too long.
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Pwnzor
Posted on Thursday, March 05, 2020 - 02:40 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

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Hootowl
Posted on Wednesday, March 18, 2020 - 09:53 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

When a frog’s car breaks down it either has to be jumped or toad.
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86129squids
Posted on Thursday, March 19, 2020 - 02:13 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

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Sami
Posted on Thursday, March 19, 2020 - 02:23 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

Christian Doctor: "Your recovery was a miracle!"
Christian Patient: "Thank God! Now I don't have to pay you."
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