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Archive 2012 - 2017Crusty1200 41 12-09-17  06:57 am
Archive through July 15, 2019Ducbsa30 07-15-19  03:51 pm
Archive through December 08, 2018Crusty30 12-08-18  11:50 am
Archive through November 09, 2018Crusty30 11-09-18  08:27 am
Archive through August 29, 2018Sifo30 08-29-18  11:53 am
Archive through May 19, 2018Griffmeister30 05-19-18  10:53 pm
Archive through February 20, 2018Hootowl30 02-20-18  09:39 am
         

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Sifo
Posted on Monday, July 22, 2019 - 04:15 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

Little Johnny on salesmanship

The kids filed into class Monday morning. They were all very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on salesmanship.

Little Sally led off. "I sold Girl Scout cookies and I made $30" she said proudly. "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success."

"Very good", said the teacher.

Little Debbie was next. "I sold magazines," she said. "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events."

"Very good, Debbie", said the teacher.

Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath. Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk.
"$2,467,” he said.
"$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?"
"Toothbrushes", said Little Johnny. "Toothbrushes", echoed the teacher. "How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?"
"I found the busiest corner in town", said Little Johnny. "I set up a Dip & Chip stand and I gave everybody who walked by a free sample." They all said the same thing; "Hey, this tastes like dog shit!" I would say, "It is dog shit. Wanna buy a toothbrush?"
"I used the Bernie Sanders method of giving you some crap, dressing it up so it looks good, telling you it's free, and then making you pay to get the bad taste out of your mouth."
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Torquehd
Posted on Friday, July 26, 2019 - 07:53 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

Q: What happens when AOC eats ice cream too fast?








A: Nothing.
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Sifo
Posted on Saturday, July 27, 2019 - 02:20 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

The story of the Italian cow.
The only cow in a very small town in Northern Italy stopped giving milk.
The town elders heard that they could buy a cow in Sicily quite cheaply!
So, they brought the cow over from Sicily.

It was absolutely wonderful.

It produced lots of milk every day and everyone was happy.

They bought a bull to mate with the cow to get more cows, so they'd never have to worry about their milk supply again.

They put the bull in the pasture with the cow but whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away.

No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull, and he was never able to do the deed.

The people were very upset and decided to go to the local veterinarian, Dr Santucchi, who was very wise, to tell him what was happening, and to ask his advice.

Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow,
she moves away.
If he approaches from the back, she moves forward.
When he approaches her from the front, she backs off.
If he attempts it from the one side, she walks away to the other side.
The veterinarian rubbed his chin thoughtfully and pondered this before asking,

"Did you by chance, buy this cow in Sicily?"

The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned that they had brought the cow over from Sicily.
"You are truly a wise veterinarian," they said.
"How did you know that we got the cow from Sicily?"
The Vet replied with a distant look in his eyes

"My wife is from Sicily."
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Bandm
Posted on Thursday, August 01, 2019 - 11:26 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)



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Slaughter
Posted on Friday, August 02, 2019 - 08:21 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

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Pwnzor
Posted on Sunday, August 04, 2019 - 07:55 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal, its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah". The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
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Hootowl
Posted on Sunday, August 04, 2019 - 09:05 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

https://www.foxnews.com/politics/democratic-social ists-convention-erupts-due-to-sensory-overload-gen dered-pronoun-usage

This might be the funniest thing I’ve read in weeks.
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Torquehd
Posted on Sunday, August 04, 2019 - 09:15 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

from the above artice
The Democratic Socialists of America (DSA)

I've got another acronym for D-S-A.
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Pwnzor
Posted on Monday, August 05, 2019 - 07:18 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

Hoot, those video clips are among the funniest things I've seen in quite a while.
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Ratbuell
Posted on Monday, August 05, 2019 - 08:30 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

The sad part is, this is what we're breeding into our children now.

"Um...you're talking too loudly and it's offending my noise sensitivity...can you please stop...?"

Sheesh.
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Hootowl
Posted on Monday, August 05, 2019 - 10:16 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

It also triggers my anxiety. Everyone accommodate me!

But, let’s face it, these are wannabe communists. They’re not the sharpest tools in the shed.
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Ratbuell
Posted on Monday, August 05, 2019 - 10:39 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

Remind me again why they don't all just move to Venezuela? Communism is already in place down there, they won't have to "fight" at all!

Well...

Unless they want food.

Or electricity.

Or fresh water.

Or cell service.
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Ourdee
Posted on Tuesday, August 06, 2019 - 08:28 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

Bob was in a lot of trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was NOT HAPPY, and started to give him the business.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped, in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

BOB HAS BEEN MISSING SINCE FRIDAY...
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86129squids
Posted on Tuesday, August 06, 2019 - 11:44 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

RD, good God thanks for that.

Seems too many people are losing their sense of humor.

Jokes. NO, it's not R or D.

Humor. We are all born with a funnybone. It hurts a bit when you hit it, but it helps clarify what you're looking at.

Lighten up, Francis!

It's one thing to laugh at others. It's another thing, all together... to laugh with each and one another.

Nuf said.


Why didn't the lifeguard go save the hippie out in the ocean?
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Ducbsa
Posted on Friday, September 06, 2019 - 06:11 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)


Text description
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Ourdee
Posted on Friday, September 06, 2019 - 10:01 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

Why didn't the lifeguard go save the hippie out in the ocean?

He was too far out man.
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