| Author | Message | ||
     Greenlantern |
An Italian mother comes to the city to visit her son Anthony . . . Who lives with a female roommate Maria . She was invited to stay for dinner, and during the course of the meal, she couldn't Help but notice how pretty Anthony's roommate was. Knowing he shared an apartment with a female, she had long been suspicious of a relationship Between the two. Over the course of the evening, while watching the Two interact, she became even more curious. She couldn't help but wonder if there was More between Anthony and his "roommate" than he had been telling her. Reading his mom's thoughts, Anthony volunteered, 'I Know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Maria and I are just roommates'. About a week later, Maria came to Anthony saying, 'Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl . You don't suppose she took it, do you?' Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure.' So he sat down and wrote: Dear Mama, I'm not saying that you 'did' take the sugar bowl from my house; I'm not saying that you 'did not' Take it. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner. Love, Anthony A few days later, Anthony received a response email from his Mama which read: Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Maria, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN Bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now. Love, Mama Moral: Never lie to your Mama . . . Technology can't always save you I was in the pub yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to fart. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my farts with the beat. After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my pint and noticed that everybody was staring at me. Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod! A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have a dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time. The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all. That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. 'Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!' The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated.. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, 'I had no idea you were this religious.' The boy turns, and whispers back, 'I had no idea your father was a pharmacist.' | ||
| Whatever |
So, there is a drunk guy in a bar. He asks the bartender about the sign above the bar that says "Free Tequila Shots". The bartender replies, "First you have eat this worm here in this tequila bottle, then you have remove the tooth of an alligator I have in back. Lastly you have to satisfy my old woman upstairs." The drunk says "Well I have some money left. Let me think about it." An hour later the drunk is game because he has run out of money. So he eats the tequila worm and goes into the back room. You hear this screaming growl from the alligator.... and then the drunk comes back out to the bar. He says, "OK. Where is the old lady with the bad tooth?" Yes it is a little lame I know | ||
| Greenlantern |
Three Men on a Hike Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large raging, violent river. Needing to get to the other side, The first man prayed: 'God, please give me the strength to cross the river.' Poof! .. God gave him big arms and strong legs And he was able to swim Across in about 2 hours, having almost drowned twice. After witnessing that, the second man prayed: 'God, please give me Strength and the tools to cross the river' Poof! .. God gave him a rowboat and strong arms And strong legs and he Was able to row across in about an hour After almost capsizing once. Seeing what happened to the first two men, The third man prayed: 'God,please give me the strength, The tools and the intelligence To cross the river' Poof! .. He was turned into a woman. She checked the map, Hiked one Hundred yards up stream And walked across the bridge. |
