| Author | Message | ||
     Crusty |
Cat Lover or not this is hysterical! We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can top this one: Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying. On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head. The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially, the new acquisition was no problem. Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen. "Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it." "You know where the button is," I protested through the shower pitter-patter and steam. "Reset it yourself!" "But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?" There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take you a second." So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping that my silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior as extremely cowardly. Sighing loudly,I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing. It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances. No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws. I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region. Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent. The impact knocked me out cold. When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor buck naked in front of a group of "been-there, done-that" paramedics. Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter... ...and not succeeding. Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about, which it was. "What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got your tongue?"If they only knew!!! Why is it that only the women laugh at this? | ||
| Johnnylunchbox |
OMG...too funny. | ||
| Kandie |
hee hee | ||
| Firebolt020283  |
ha ha ha ha ha  | ||
| Tucsonxb9s  |
I've had a similar incident but thank goodness I wasn't nekked! Let's just say that I have a pair of shorts with an extra long drawstring and.....  | ||
| Cataract2 |
OWwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww | ||
| Edean  |
All I can say is "OUCH !!!!!" | ||
| Court |
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| Oddbawl  |
My cat's been plotting against me for a while. Let your guard down for a second and it's BAM! Back of the head with a lead pipe... | ||
| Bartimus  |
ha ha ha too funny Court ! | ||
| Buellisti |
That story made me laugh harder than the one an EMT told me. It involved an EMT working his first day on the job, a panicky phone call to 911 by a significant other, and a simple ring shaped latex appliance for male enhancement, and the removal of said item. | ||
| Johnnylunchbox |
One early Sunday morning the cats were annoyed as usual at not getting their normal 6 AM feeding. So they were both all over the bed, walking all over my wife and I trying to get us up. The big male cat realizes that it isn't working and decides he's gonna wait me out by sitting on my chest. I'm watching him out of one eye, and I see him him do his little circular dance before he settles down. Normally he'd sit down and stick his face in mine and wait until I got up. This time I see that he hasn't quite made it all the way around and he's going to sit with his posterior on my chin. All I can see is cat ••• about to sit on my face and I start to laugh. The resulting rush of air from my laugh on the cat's rear startles him somewhat and he takes off like a scalded cat (literally) using my chest for traction with his razor sharp claws. I spent the next half hour pouring peroxide over my chest to clean the wounds. They are definitely a test. | ||
| U4euh |
Now imagine that, during a session of hot love making. No claws, and no cabinet to stop me, but boy it really kills the mood having your manhood played with like a tether-ball!(Door stays locked now) ;D  here kitty kitty kitty regardless ,your story made me cry, just don't know if it was in pain or laughter. | ||
| Lornce  |
As pets, sheep make far more sense. Lornce | ||
| Midknyte |
Certainly easier to catch and... | ||
| New12r  |
I have dogs, cats are not allowed anywhere near my home. Those stories are two funny. | ||
| Spinzealot  |
Had a cat once...tasted like chicken  | ||
| Lpowel02  |
oh man...that's a funny story!  |
