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Mutt2jeff


Posted on Tuesday, November 30, 2004 - 10:27 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

Science Students on Hell

The following is supposedly an actual question given on a UMass chemistry
mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor
shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now
have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs
heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas
cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed), or some variant. One
student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need
to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which
they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to
Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different
Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that
if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there
is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more
than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in
Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the
volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature
and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand
proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter
Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell
breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell,
then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year
that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and take into
account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be
true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen
over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it
follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore,
extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine
being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God!"

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A".
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Cyclonemick
Posted on Tuesday, November 30, 2004 - 10:30 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

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Ray_maines


Posted on Tuesday, November 30, 2004 - 10:55 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

The last time I saw this joke the student was from the Univ. of Washington. Good story, none the less.
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Mr_grumpy


Posted on Wednesday, December 01, 2004 - 05:02 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

Cracking, thanks for that.
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Tripp


Posted on Wednesday, December 01, 2004 - 08:55 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

good for him that he was able to include theresa in is theory! good one!
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Newfie_buell


Posted on Wednesday, December 01, 2004 - 04:57 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

I love that
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Lord_deathscyte
Posted on Thursday, December 02, 2004 - 01:07 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

that is awesome.
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Blublak


Posted on Thursday, December 02, 2004 - 09:02 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

I hadn't seen that one before.. Like it though.. gonna have to print it and show it to my team...

Later,
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Scooterroid


Posted on Thursday, December 02, 2004 - 09:33 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

I'm an adjunct in a community college. Gawd, I wish my students were that thoughtful and creative. I guess in some respect they are, especially when it comes to getting out of work.

Thanks for the laugh.

Steve-O
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Mr_grumpy


Posted on Thursday, December 02, 2004 - 03:05 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

My mates son (a philosophy student) sent me this one after having enjoyed the Physics, enjoy,


Socrates

One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance. The acquaintance ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students?"
"Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test."
"Triple filter?"
"That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my student let's take a moment to filter what you're going to say. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to say to me is true?"
"No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it and...."
"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not.
"Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?"
"No, on the contrary...."
"So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him, even though you're not certain it's true?"
The man shrugged, a little embarrassed.
Socrates continued. "You may still pass the test though, because there is a third filter - the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?"
"No, not really...."
"Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?"
The man was defeated and ashamed. This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.
It also explains why he never found out that Plato was banging his wife.
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U4euh
Posted on Sunday, December 05, 2004 - 06:22 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

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Medic
Posted on Sunday, December 05, 2004 - 08:11 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

That is some useful advice, Mr. Grumpy. I started using the Triple Filter Test after I read your posting, and I haven't spoken in days. I think my vocal cords have atrophied. ; )

Al
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Lord_deathscyte
Posted on Sunday, December 05, 2004 - 11:21 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

Twas the night before finals
And all through the college
The students were praying
For last minute knowledge
Most were sleepy
But none touched their beds
While visions of essays
Danced in their heads
Out in the bars
A few were still drinking
hoping that liquor
Would loosen up their thinking
In my own room
I had been pacing
And dreading exams
I soon would be facing
My roommate was speechless
His nose in his books
And my comments to him
Drew unfriendly looks
I drained all the coffee
brewed a new pot
No longer caring
That my nerves were shot
Id nearly concluded
That life was too cruel
With futures depending
On grades had in school
Our teachers have pegged us
So just do your best
Happy Finals to All
And to all a Good Test
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Lord_deathscyte
Posted on Monday, December 06, 2004 - 08:02 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

sorry should have post this one last night also, for other people that might be in school and have finals this month.

Twas the week before exams,
and all through the dorms,
not a student was studying,
this was ususally the norm.
Kegs in the kitchen,
Jell-O shots in the hall-- thanks to the liquor, it was a late night for all.
Passed out all around,
the kids all slept tight.
When they woke up the next day,
they thought, "Man whatta night!"
Were too hungover to study they shouted with cheer...
so f*** the exams and bring on the beer!
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