| Author | Message | ||
     Henrik |
A touch of evil (and Evel) Ducati's 999R, a hyper-fast race bike for the street, has designs on your soul. By Dan Neil LA Times Staff Writer November 3, 2004 If you enjoy the wide-open freedom of a motorcycle, the wind in your face, the carefree, horizon-chasing moment, then by all means avoid the 2005 Ducati 999R. This thing is misery on two wheels, a wickedly disposed and temperamental exercise of sheer mechanical narcissism upon which you assume a posture like it's flashlight inspection day in prison. Its 150-hp V-twin motor runs on damned souls and is lubricated with the fat of unbaptized children. All this bike wants to do, all it dreams about at night, is catapulting you over the handlebars or pitching you backward onto the streaming concrete so you make one of those slo-mo, Evel-Knievel-at-Ceasars-Palace death rolls in your fancy Italian riding leathers. So plan your day accordingly: After riding this bike, you will need some time to unwind. Go for a Polynesian fire walk, perhaps. Play some "Deer Hunter" roulette. Or, if so equipped, have a vasectomy. The 999R is one of a mutant species of vehicles built to meet the production-based rules of a racing series, a process called homologation. The American Superbike Championship requires that competing bikes must be largely based on series-production motorcycles. In order to make the Ducatis more competitive, the company has built a limited number (500) of 999Rs, which are, in fact, pitifully disguised racing superbikes with just enough street- legal spit on them to pass DMV inspection. The badge on the carbon- fiber fender is that of the factory racing operation, Ducati Corse. Made of steel, titanium, carbon fiber and sadism, the 999R is as close as you are going to get to a grand prix motorcycle, and unless you are a fantastic rider with years of experience, you don't want to get that close. This bike will beat you down like you said something bad about its mother. Look for my name in the annals of motorcycle glory. You won't find it. I am a competent but by no means expert rider. I accept this. Call me a wimp, a weenie, a wuss, if you are inclined to excessive alliteration. But this bike scares the pudding out of me. So, there I was on Sunset Boulevard, puttering along in first gear with about 1,500 rpm showing on the tach, hunched over the handlebars. My sunglasses slipped down my nose. When I took my right hand off the accelerator, there was the briefest moment of adhesion between my palm and the gummy rubber grip - just enough to goose the throttle slightly. The bike jumped like it had been poked with a cattle prod. Baaaa-WHAAAYH! The force of the acceleration whip-lashed my helmeted head, wrenching my neck. This was the first sunglasses-adjustment injury I have sustained. One sunny Sunday morning, I got up early, determined to take the bike for a proper stretch of the legs. Velcro'ed and zippered into my motorcycle fetish leather, I pointed it down the 210 West and wrung the throttle, working up through the gears yet shifting well short of the bike's howling 11,000-rpm redline. In the 20 seconds or so that it took me to reach fifth gear, the speedometer read ... well, I'm not going to tell you what the speedo read. The point is, the bike was just waking up, just beginning to shake its strange, low-speed awkwardness. The super-stiff springs and shocks, which burr and tremble on the patched concrete around town, went all velvety; the aero cowling, useless at 60 mph, threw the jet stream over my ducked head, creating a small pocket of tranquillity inside the headlong tornado; the engine - all chatters and clatters at low rpm - began resonating like a cathedral pipe-organ keyed with a Hallelujah chord. My license would last about a week with this bike, maybe less. So it is fast - top speed is about 190 mph (you didn't hear that from me). But it's also quick. The fundamental ratio of performance machines is power to weight, usually expressed as pounds per horsepower. A Ferrari F430 with driver weighs about 3,300 pounds, a burden shared by its 490 horsepower, which the abacus tells us is about 6.7 pounds per horsepower. The Ducati 999R (dry weight of 398 pounds) weighs about 600 pounds with me on board, which means each of its 150 horsepower must move only 4 pounds. It's hard for those who have not saddled a superbike to appreciate the sick, perverted violence of this equation. If you rev the 999R's engine to about 6,000 rpm, shift as much of your weight as possible over the front wheel, and gingerly slip the clutch for a couple hundred feet - and if you can hang onto it - the bike will accelerate from 0-60 mph in about 3 seconds. Your wits might take a bit longer to catch up. But woe betide the rookie who fails to execute the full-power launch precisely right: The bike will be delighted ... delighted, thank you ... to wheelie over onto its, and your, back. Even in second and third gear, the bike's massive torque (at 8,000 rpm) will easily pull itself over your head in an asphalt full gainer. Oh, and what's that smell? Why it's my roasting thighs. The heart of the 999R (that is, if it had a heart) is the 999-cc displacement, liquid-cooled, V-twin engine. This has to be the most highly stressed engine in any street vehicle, producing 150 hp out of less than one liter displacement. The technology that goes into this bespoke, sand-cast engine is the stuff of race engineering, but its essential feature - beside the ludicrous power - is the unbelievably low reciprocating mass. This courtesy of alloy pistons, featherweight billet crank and exotic and titanium-intensive "desmodromic" valve train - which is to say, the return action of the valves relies on an opposing rocker arm system rather than passive valve springs. What does all this mean? The internal moving parts of the engine are extremely light, so they can accelerate and decelerate very quickly. Gas the motor and the rpm shoot skyward. Heigh ho, Silver! (or its equivalent in Italian). Let off the gas and the rpm and power plummet - which can be quite exciting if, for example, you miss a shift under hard acceleration. It would be very easy to be unhorsed this way. As hard as the bike speeds up, it slows down even harder. The radially mounted Brembo front disc brakes are incredible. But, again, the slightest misapplication of pressure on the right- hand brake lever - say, two fingers instead of one - and the bike will stop dead in its tracks, leaving you to sail over the carbon- fiber fairing like Buzz Lightyear. The 999R is a very naughty motorcycle. However, I did learn a few tricks on the serpentines of the Angeles Crest Highway that made my time with the bike easier. First, get all the braking done in a straight line; none of that fancy trail-braking into the corner that you see on televised Superbike races - you ain't Valentino Rossi and I'm certainly not. Second, get off the saddle early and set up for the corner. The bike is far too reactive, far too edgy, to permit sliding off the saddle once you enter the corner. Third, hold onto the bike with your legs; avoid putting any weight on the grips. The slightest tug can cause the bike to surge out of your control. Fourth, stay in a higher gear than you might on a less powerful bike. Crank the bike over on the tire sidewalls and roll on the throttle and let the ludicrous amounts of torque pull you through the corner. Have no fear. The bike's racing tires have stupendous grip on dry pavement. Fifth, use the force, Luke. As difficult as it may be, you have to trust this bike. The harder you ride it, the more stable and secure it feels. I practically stood the thing on its nose under braking and the tail didn't wiggle an inch. I flopped it over from rail to rail as hard as I knew how and the front end didn't even tremble. Pound for ornery pound, this has got to be the most dynamically perfect motorcycle in the world. Yes, once you master the brakes, the stuttering dry-plate clutch, the splenetic throttle, the aching-back riding position and its overall rabid dog demeanor, the 999R can still be a traumatic life event. I mean, come on, it's a racing bike! It is to normal street bikes what crystal meth is to your morning coffee. I have never been so relieved to park any vehicle unscathed in my garage. And yet, I confess, I was a little sad to see it go. * 2005 Ducati 999R Price, as tested: $32,000 Powertrain: 999-cc, sand-cast alloy, V-twin engine, liquid cooled, desmodromic timing, four valves per cylinder six-speed transmission, multi-disc dry sump clutch, chain drive, 15/36 final drive ratio. Horsepower: 150 hp at 9,750 rpm Torque: 86 pound-feet at 8,000 rpm Weight: about 420 pounds 0-60 mph: 3 seconds Top speed: 190 mph (estimated) Wheelbase: 56 inches Final thoughts: Light fuse, get away. --------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------- Contact automotive critic Dan Neil at dan.neil@latimes.com. | ||
| Newfie_buell |
That sounds like fun!!!! | ||
| Darthane |
LOL...so, next time for new vehicle shopping, forget the Quad Cap pickup, Nissan Z, or BMW...and spend $32K on a motorcycle. ...and I thought $11K or $12K was steep. Not that I wouldn't love to have one, though! | ||
| Road_thing |
No pull shock, either. And I have it on good authority that you can't steer it by pushing on the inside bar! rt  | ||
| Henrik |
r.t.  Henrik | ||
| Dsergison |
LOL. you guys make fall out of my chair at work. the last one was the crazy motorcyclist thread. Someones (imortal in my memory) comment about your yamsack slapping your buttocks when you stand on the pegs riding neckid... I almost had to go home | ||
| Bomber |
I think this boy musta spent his wonder years reading the good Doctor Hunter S. Thompson -- should be required reading, I think, for all motorcyclists -- that rant on riding his BSA over the Golden Gate with the snootfull of acid is classic! | ||
| Spiderman |
DUDE!! I got wood. Who wants to donate to the "Spidey needs a 999R Fund"? It is tax deductable! | ||
| Glitch |
"Spidey needs a 999R Fund" Maybe we'll get more than we did for the Spidey needs a Tomahawk!  | ||
| Newfie_buell |
Now that would be scary Glitch?!!!! | ||
| Buellkowski |
Spidey, it's only tax deductible if you do something non-profit & philanthropic with a 999R, like delivering medicine to Iraqis, ferrying refugees out of Darfur, etc. | ||
| Road_thing |
Kinda harks back to "The Song of the Sausage Creature", don't it? rt | ||
| Fullpower |
i volunteer to engage in whole hearted philanthropy aboard a 999R. i will even buy all the fuel, and perform needed maintenance. contact me immediately for shipping instructions. thanks, dean | ||
| Davegess |
Thanks Henrik, neat piece. | ||
| Ray_maines |
I mean, how many people get audited anyway? Just send Spydey a few big ones and go ahead and declare it next April 15th. I'm dropping $5,000 in the mail later tonight. Oh BTW: I've got a cousin that has some really good farm land in Florida for sale if you're interested.  | ||
| Aesquire |
I will happily deliver flu vaccine in the upstate & fingerlakes NY area. Pennsylvania too. I promise speedy delivery & well shaken vaccine. Unless it's raining. 150 HP on wet asphalt. eeep! | ||
| Sandblast |
I would use mine to speedily deliver donated organs to those who are getting them. There is no time to waste in such situations, and the need is dire for quick transportation. I would do this out of the goodness of my heart, on call, even if it took me away from work  . Please include matching leathers with the donated bike- uh, organ transplant vehicle. Ping me for my street address, and no need to thank me. | ||
| Spiderman |
I am gonna give free rides to hot strippers without boy friends! Kinda like big brothers an sisters thing LMAO | ||
| Court |
Incredible writing | ||
| Iamike |
Reminds me of Bill Cosby's story of when he bought a '68 Mustang GT500. It's a whole side of an album and still makes me laugh. | ||
| Road_thing |
...pipes... | ||
| Buellkowski |
I still use the term "burning out the gunk." My dad still has that Cosby album around somewhere... | ||
| Tommy_2stroke |
FYI, Dan Neil won a Pulitzer Prize for journalism this year. It is highly unusual for an automotive writer to win a Pulitzer, but his Ducati review is a good example of his work. Great writer. (Too bad he writes for the LA Times, which is generally so far to the political left I wouldn't use it for birdcage liner, but that's another thread entirely...) | ||
| Rocketman |
All great writers are left wingers! The strangest thing is, most America is right wing, yet they build hooligan bikes, and the odd hooligan car, for who exactly? Us lefty Euro loonies me thinks. Rocket | ||
| Reepicheep |
PJ O-Rourke is a righty that is a pretty good read. | ||
| Brucelee |
PJ is an awesome writer. Highly recommend. | ||
| Firebolt020283 |
ok why yall got to go turn a perfectly good motorcycle storie in to some politacal mess????  | ||
| Blublak |
In the political vein.. Does anyone else know the origin of 'Left Wing' and 'Right Wing'?  What do you mean they build hooligan vehicles for 'left wingers'? I didn't know you had to prescribe to a political lock step to ride a Buell..  Damn.. Does that mean that EB is now gonna want his bike back because I'm not much of a tree hugger and I'm all politically incorrectical?  Besides, didn't Gore want to outlaw the internal combustion engine?  I'm sure there are other examples, but I'm too happy riding to care to think of them...  Later, | ||
| Josh_ |
Parliment | ||
| Bomber |
Funkadelics |
