| Author | Message | ||
     Dalton_gang |
A young couple wanted to join the church, the pastor told them, 'We have a special requirement for new member couples. You must abstain from sex for one whole month.' The couple agreed, but after two-and-a-half weeks returned to the Church. When the Pastor ushered them into his office, the wife was crying and the husband was obviously very depressed. 'You are back so soon... Is there a problem?' the pastor inquired. 'We are terribly ashamed to admit that we did not manage to abstain from sex for the required month.' the young man replied sadly. The pastor asked him what happened. 'Well, the first week was difficult... However, we managed to abstain through sheer willpower.' 'The second week was terrible, but with the use of prayer, we managed to abstain.' 'However, the third week was unbearable. We tried cold showers, prayer, reading from the Bible...anything to keep our minds off carnal thoughts.' 'One afternoon my wife reached for a can of paint and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and I just had my way with her then and there. It was lustful, loud, passionate sex. It lasted for over an hour and when we were done we were both drenched in sweat.' admitted the man, shamefacedly. The pastor lowered his head and said sternly, 'You understand this means you will not be welcome in our church.' 'We know' said the young man, hanging his head, 'We're not welcome back at Home Depot either.' | ||
| Rah7777777 |
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| Dalton_gang |
To my darling husband, Before you return from your business trip I just want to let you know about the small accident I had with the pick up truck when I turned into the driveway. Fortunately, I really didn't get hurt, so please don't worry too much about me. I was coming home from WalMart, and when I turned into the driveway I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake. The garage door is slightly bent but the pick up fortunately came to a halt when it bumped into your car. I am really sorry, but I know with your kind-hearted personality you will forgive me. You know how much I love you and care for you my sweetheart. I am enclosing a picture for you. I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again. Your loving wife. XXX  P.S. Your girlfriend called. | ||
| Ochoa0042 |
 he wouldn't be dumb enough to give the GF his home number would he? | ||
| Danny_h__jesternut |
The problem was my home phone was in the book.If you are planing on a little extra spice, please for the love of God make sure your home phone is un-listed. Some lessons, you must learn the hard way. Also before you return home from your date,check the truck very throughly,your mistress may have lost/droped an earing,damb it. Learn from the mistakes of others. | ||
| Cityxslicker |
Poor Ford Pickup, it will never get that Ferrari smell off of it. | ||
| Kyrocket |
Fortunately it looks as if the scooter is unscathed. | ||
| Seanp |
It almost looks like the car drove into the garage and not the truck. Obviously somebody needs their license revoked... | ||
| Kyrocket |
You're right Sean, especially since there is no rear end damage to the Ferrari. How fast would you have to be going to wedge that under a pickup? | ||
| Ochoa0042 |
notice where the garage door is  | ||
| Kyrocket |
A little snippet from Snopes...well, seems I can't cut and paste so here's the link. http://www.snopes.com/photos/accident/darling.asp | ||
| Dalton_gang |
A lot of good stuff in that link Kyrocket. | ||
| Mr_grumpy |
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, 'Please come over her and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started.' Her boyfriend asks, 'What is it supposed to be when it's finished?' The blonde says, 'According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster.' Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, 'First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.' He takes her hand and says, 'Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then ..' he said with a deep sigh... (scroll down) 'Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box.' |
