| Author | Message | ||
     Greenlantern |
A WOMAN'S POEM: Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man, who's not a creep, One who's handsome, smart and strong. One who loves to listen long, One who thinks before he speaks, One who'll call, not wait for weeks. I pray he's gainfully employed , When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed. Pulls out my chair and opens my door. Massages my back and begs to do more. Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind, Knows what to answer to 'how big is my behind?' I pray that this man will love me to no end, And always be my very best friend. A MAN'S POEM: I pray for a deaf-mute gymnast nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a bar on a golf course, and loves to send me fishing and drinking. This poem doesn't rhyme and I don't give a sh**. The GOOD Husband Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong. Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose!! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: 'Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian' He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His 16 year old son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks his son, 'What happened last night?' 'Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind you fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.' Confused, he asked his son, 'So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??' His son replies, 'Oh THAT... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, 'Leave me alone bitch, I'm married!!' Broken Coffee Table $239. Hot Breakfast $4. Two Aspirins $1.59 Saying the right thing, at the right time: PRICELESS | ||
| Jaimec |
GL: I've been informed you've left off the last line of the Woman's Poem: "Aw F*** it, a man like that is GAY!"  | ||
| Hr_puffinstuff |
I've found the perfect woman no one could ask for more she's deaf and dumb and oversexed and owns a liquor store | ||
| Blublak |
For GL - In Brightest Day In Blackest Night, No Evil Shall Escape My Sight Let Those Who Worship Evils Might, Beware My Power - Green Lanterns Light. And a couple of other versions some folks may not be aware of... In forest dark or glade beferned No blade of grass shall go unturned Let those who have the daylight spurned Tread not where this green lamp has burned. You who are wicked, evil and mean I'm the nastiest creep you've ever seen! Come one, come all, put up a fight I'll pound your butts with Green Lantern's light! Yowza!! In loudest din or hush profound My ears catch evil's slightest sound Let those who toll out evil's knell Beware my power, the F-Sharp Bell! In Days of peace, in nights of war Obey the Laws forever more Misconduct must be answered for, Swear us the chosen: The Alpha Corps! "In blackest day, in brightest night, Beware your fears made into light. Let those who try to stop what's right, Burn like my power*... Sinestro's might" "With blood and rage of crimson red, Ripped from a corpse so freshly dead, Together with our hellish hate, We'll burn you all-- That is your fate!" And of course, what set of poetic oaths would be complete without.. In blackest day or brightest night Watermelon, cantaloupe, yadda yadda Erm...superstitious and cowardly lot With liberty and justice for all! |
