| Author | Message | ||
     Wolfridgerider |
Two old ladies are standing at a bus station and one of them is smoking. Suddenly it starts raining so the smoking one takes out a condom from her purse, cuts the edge off and puts it over the cigarette. Her friend asks her: "What are you doing?" So she replies: "I don't want my cigarette to get wet so I covered it with a condom." Her friend asks: "Where did you get it?" "At the pharmacy," she replies. The next day her friend goes to the pharmacy and asks the clerk if she can get a condom. The clerk asks: "What size?" So she replies: "I dunno. One that will fit a camel" | ||
| Igneroid |
Ukrainian women are TOUGH! An elderly Ukrainian man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite pierogi with fried onions wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs. Downstairs, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen, where if not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were hundreds of his favorite pierogi. Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of love from his wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man? He threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in a crumpled posture. His parched lips parted, the wondrous taste of the pierogi was already in his mouth. With a trembling hand he reached up to the edge of the table, when suddenly he was smacked with a wooden spoon by his wife. "•••• off!" she said. "Those are for the funeral." | ||
| Corporatemonkey |
Breakfast at the Whitehouse: Dick Cheney and George W. Bush are having breakfast at the White House. The attractive waitress asks Cheney what he would like, and he replies, 'I'd like a bowl of oatmeal and some fruit.' 'And what can I get for you, Mr. President?' George W. looks up from his menu and replies with his trademark wink and slight grin, 'How about a quickie this morning?' 'Why, Mr. President!' the waitress exclaims, 'How rude! You're starting to act like President Clinton!' She storms away. Cheney leans over to Bush and whispers.......... 'It's pronounced'quiche.'' | ||
| Greenlantern |
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| Pwnzor |
Nuke-you-lar... Nuke-ya-ler... Nuke-yoo-lor... Aww, screw it, just nuke em all! |
