| Author | Message | ||
     Blackbelt |
VOCABULARY SPIN For those who love the philosophy of hypocrisy and ambiguity.... 1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. 2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. 3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. 4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? 5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. 6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. 7. What if there were no hypothetical questions? 8. If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? 9. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? 10. Is there another word for synonym? 11. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?" 12. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant? 13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? 14. Would a fly without wings be called a walk? 15. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? 16. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked? 17. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers? 18. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to start speaking? 19. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines? 20. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs? 21. What was the best thing before sliced bread? 22. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people. 23. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra? 24. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? 25. How is it possible to have a civil war? 26. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too? 27. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry? 28. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? 29. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have "S" in it? 30. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"? 31. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them? 32. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream? 33. If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become disoriented? | ||
| Cochise |
you know, some deaf people can still speak. And also, if an asteroid was an asteroid, you know what that would make an astrologist? Yep, he would then be called a Proctologist. | ||
| Kdan |
We've all heard about men having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below. GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?" BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the Butt and having the balls to say: "You're next." I hope this clears up any confusion on the subject. Either way, the FUNERAL is Saturday. | ||
| Bads1 |
I was on my way to work this morning and I pass a old folks home every day. This time some thing totally strange. There was 6 old lady's laying naked in the front yard. I was like WTF!!! Anyways on my way home I'm going by and my lord they are still there. So I turned around parked the car and went inside the home. The first person I saw was a nurse. I asked did you know you have 6 old lady's laying naked on the front yard?? She said yeah,they are retired Prostitutes,there having a yard sale. (Message edited by bads1 on October 16, 2006) |
