| Author | Message | ||
     Mr_grumpy |
Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had set their new wives straight on their duties. The first man had married a woman from Pennsylvania and bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning that needed to be done at their house. He said that it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away. The second man had married a woman from the West Indies and had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table. The Third Man had Married a British Woman. He had told her his house was to be cleaned, dishes washed, the cooking done and laundry washed. On the first day he didn't see anything and on the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day some of the swelling had gone down so he could see a little out of his left eye.  | ||
| Pammy |
WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee. Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box. Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week. Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl. And her husband is on the back of the milk carton. MARRIAGE SEMINAR While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes." He addressed the man, "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?" Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it? WIFE VS. HUSBAND A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws." CREATION A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time. " The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you! The Silent Treatment A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up." Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests. God may have created man before woman... but there is ALWAYS a rough draft before the masterpiece. | ||
| Chasespeed |
I was lucky, I learned early not to bother battling with women, they WILL win, and have their way, ONE WAY OR THE OTHER... Chase | ||
| Wardan123 |
The only time there is a "compromise" is when you do it her way. If done your way, you're selfish. | ||
| Danny_h__jesternut |
Well I make sure I ALWAYS get in the last word. }Yes Dear. | ||
| Fullpower |
yes a woman WILL get the last word..... they outlive us by 7 years. | ||
| Swampy |
My wife didn't out live me! Our favorite springtime pasttime was mushroom picking, until finally one day she made a mistake and it was fatal.  She wouldn't tell me her super secret mushroom hunting spot, so I killed her. | ||
| Kdan |
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| Paulinoz |
FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!" So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier." I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT?" I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?" Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either. | ||
| Reepicheep |
Removed that last picture, it was not that bad, and no big deal, but just felt mean spirited. | ||
| Pilot |
Paul Mate,I have booked to go to the motorcycle exhibiton in Melbourne in Sept. How you going? | ||
| U4euh |
A doctor was addressing a large audience in Charlston. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is aweful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disasterous, and none of us realizes the long term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But, there is one thing that is most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years and years after eating it?" After several seconds of quiet, a 75-yearold man in the front row raised his hand and said, "Wedding Cake!" | ||
| Spike |
Awesome: http://news.motorcycle.com/article.motml?sid=3195 | ||
| Jerseyguy |
Spike - I love that story.... | ||
| Knotrider |
let's be honest, if they didn't have vaginas, we wouldn't even talk to them. why some feel the need to legaly tie themselves to one forever. i'll never know. | ||
| CJXB |
It's a proven fact married men live longer and are healthier than single men!!! | ||
| BadS1 |
Can I have the proof on that CJ?? | ||
| BadS1 |
 Bill says "I removed the last picture.It wasn't that bad or no big deal but it felt mean spirited???? | ||
| BadS1 |
This guy has to be single and if hes not I'd hate to see his better half....or is better the right word??None the less hes still kick'n.On the other hand it might of been a women that made him this way.  | ||
| BadS1 |
BTW Hey CJ and Kandie is he hot or what.And hes from down South.LOL | ||
| Kandie |
That's you with a wig! | ||
| BadS1 |
Nah Naughty would of left me already.LOL Atleast he has one thing of value...those Converse are signed and has a certificate authenticity they they were indeed worn by one of the Harlem Globe Trotters.LOL | ||
| Midknyte |
Owww! I need some sort of therapy now... | ||
| Ted |
"It's a proven fact married men live longer and are healthier than single men!!!" Nah it just seems to drag on longer ! | ||
| Coolice |
You guys need to watch Talk Sex with Sue and let this thread die......... | ||
| CJXB |
Dana you are obsessed with that picture, I think you've posted it a thousand times !! Geezz get some new material !! CJ | ||
| BadS1 |
Ummm thousand times CJ???Boy you are counting I wasn't.Maybe I post it cause you like it so much.Can you show me the proof that men live longer....I'm still waiting on that one. | ||
| Bluzm2 |
CJ, This is the first time I've seen it! I wish I haden't..... | ||
| BadS1 |
New material just for you CJ.  | ||
| Blake |
Knotrider, You kissed your mother with that mouth? That view of women and a committed relationship is your loss entirely. It is certainly no loss for womankind. Primarily though, if you cannot show respect for others in the content of your posts on this board, you'll get no respect from me or the other custodians of the site. So please, show some respect. |
