| Author | Message | ||
     Thumper74 |
A good friend and coworker/work wife took her own life yesterday morning. I don't blame myself at all, but I can't help go back and over analyze everything, trying to find signs I missed. She had bought our lottery tickets for the week the night before and never mentioned anything like this in passing. Remember, if you suspect something is up, urge them to get help. You never know if that little bit of extra help and attention may show them they are cared about and encourage them to seek help. Hell, they may hate you, but calling for emergency help could be an option too. https://afsp.org/ | ||
| Oddball |
"never mentioned anything like this in passing" That wouldn't be done. "Here's the lottery tickets and i've decided to exit stage right tomorrow morning so it's been real. Take care, buh-bye." I'd guess she was giving you a final gift of those lottery tickets. She probably had straightened any loose ends, debts, details, work load completed up until that point so as to not burden anyone else afterward. Sad to hear, my condolences to you and all who knew her. | ||
| Hootowl |
Trying to understand it is an exercise in futility. Don't waste your time, and don't punish yourself. | ||
| Pwnzor |
My cousin's husband put a bag over his head and sat in the garage with the car running. Left behind his two young sons and wife... He and my cousin had more in common than most people. Met at a comic book convention, both were big time Dr. Who fans and deep into video games, etc... did everything together. No idea why. It's never going to make any sense. | ||
| Electraglider_1997 |
A friend of mine took his life many years ago. I remember how much this affected me and all of my other friends who new him. Anyway, time was the healer. Just remember, no matter how much this bothers you, it is a thousandfold for the immediate family. Make sure you are there for them. | ||
| Hootowl |
I've had two friends (one a badweb member) and a cousin do this. No warning from the friends, plenty of warning from the cousin. All the psychiatric care she was given didn't help. They left her alone for 10 minutes, and she hung herself. She had two loving, financially stable parents, and three brothers who thought she was God's gift to the world. Her family still doesn't understand why she did felt the way she felt about life. She was 12. | ||
| 86129squids |
Hate to hear this, James. Prior to us meeting, my GF's estranged husband decided to eat a pistol barrel, and she went through hell in the aftermath- emotionally, financially, with her 2 kids, and on and on. Shortly before she and I met, she pretty much gave away his matching numbers Shelby Mustang, built for the dragstrip...   Robin Williams. Phillip Seymour Hoffman. So many have sadly chosen this path. Only in the case of a horrible, terminal illness would it make any sense, and even then one would have to make sure ALL loose ends were tied. Prayers and peace be with you, and this woman's family and friends. (Message edited by 86129squids on August 10, 2017) | ||
| Tootal |
I had a fellow Car Club member eat a pistol too. He was such an upbeat person nobody could believe it, especially his wife. Ended up it was a drug combination that put him severe depression. Always make sure all your Doctors know all your prescriptions. Really sad. | ||
| Hughlysses |
I've known of three recently among friends/family. My son-in-law's half brother, a childhood friend's teenaged son, and another childhood friend. The hardest one to fathom is my childhood friend. He was kind of a wild child growing up, but had become a minister about 20 years ago. His death was announced about a year ago, and I assumed it was a heart attack or something similar. Later I found out he'd committed suicide. I searched google trying to find some details about him and stumbled on an obituary for his son. It turns out my friend's son, a vet of the Afghanistan war, had committed suicide a couple of years earlier. I can understand how hard that would be to go through but I can't understand how my friend, knowing the grief they all went through, could have put the remainder of his family including his elderly mother through that again. So sad. I worked for the Army Corps of Engineers for the last few years, and because of the high suicide rate for veterans, they made everyone go through suicide awareness training once a year. It was somewhat enlightening. One of the videos they showed featured comedian Drew Carey, who attempted suicide at least once. As I recall, there are some non-obvious warning signs to look for. | ||
| Hootowl |
"They left her alone for 10 minutes, and she hung herself" I think it might be 'hanged'. I'm grammar Naziing myself. | ||
| Henshao |
It's 'hanged,' but that term is rarely remembered anymore. A friend of mine bought a scooter for her daughter in law a few years ago. Recently, that daughter in law died on the scooter due to what can only be pilot error. She feels about three inches tall right now. I think we've all lost loved ones so I won't go into detail about all the hurt I've felt. I try to remind people that...hey, life doesn't last forever for anyone. Many years ago I knew a guy whose primary job involved going out at 3am or so several times a week to retrieve the recently deceased from their home, he was a mortician. As he used to explain to me, passing by security desk, "It's what we do, Chris." Just try to hold onto the fact that, had she come to you for help, you would have moved Heaven and Earth. Can't beat yourself up searching for clues in hindsight. The hardest part about when a loved one dies is that life goes on whether you want it to or not. | ||
| Zac4mac |
my first wife went down that road, with a pocket gun I gave her for Christmas. Lean HARD on family and true friends. Don't be ashamed to break out in tears, at weird times, in an instant. Be patient, time makes it easier to deal with. It never goes away Z <edit> this was over 30 years ago and i'm "pretty misty" right now. (Message edited by zac4mac on August 10, 2017) | ||
| Zane |
I've lost two friends to this. Weeks before H.S. graduation I friend and running buddy was afraid to graduate. He knew he was going to Viet Nam and was convinced, he'd die 10,000 from home. Chose to die at home instead. Second was a co-worker and friend 19 years ago. She leapt from the Sunshine Skyway bridge. I was the last person she talked to. I knew she was depressed and tried to reach out but she kept insisting she was fine, just a little blue. Still bothers me that I didn't do enough for her. | ||
| Macbuell |
Hoffman Overdosed. Not trying to derail the thread. These stories are all very tragic. I can only say that I will say prayers for all that have had to endure such a horrible loss in their life. | ||
| 86129squids |
 I stand corrected. | ||
| Brother_in_buells |
Man ,reading all this is very hard and makes a person think about our lives! As a kid i have seen a nephew struggle with life. as a teenager ,he found his father dead in the bedroom ,couple years later lost his younger brother in a motorcycle accident ,got addicted to heroin and all went downhill from there, Terrorized the whole family for years. years later his older brother got shot after a argument in a bar. And he later on did hang himself. Can still see him standing there on the roof of the barn with a machete in his hand having a bad trip. | ||
| Blake |
I lost a cousin and two friends to suicide. If you've never come face to face with such psychological pain and darkness, it's tough to imagine how people can get to such a point. | ||
| Glitch |
If you've never come face to face with such psychological pain and darkness, it's tough to imagine how people can get to such a point. True. I used to think suicide was the ultimate act of selfishness. No longer.. Now I know it's a real struggle, a true struggle. | ||
| Aesquire |
I used to think suicide was the ultimate act of selfishness. No longer.. Now I know it's a real struggle, a true struggle. It's both. The pain is real. Often suicides are so blinded by the internal they just don't think of the damage they will do to others. Selfish self centered-ness, and a struggle, both. I've never had a friend or relative suicide without thinking "I should have known" "Why wasn't I there for them?" "Why didn't I?......" Every single time. It never gets easier, and I'm not sure I want to know someone for whom it does. The numbness may grow. And that path may lead to your own selfish tragedy. This is not a simple or easy thing. In any way. | ||
| Henshao |
I don't think suicide is the answer for most people so inclined. But, rarely, someone has a legitimate desire to escape pain in this world, be it some incurable condition or otherwise. In which case, isn't it selfish for everyone else to want them to stay? Shall one person continue to live simply for others? Just a thought. A grim, unpleasant thought. | ||
| Aesquire |
You make the argument for ending your life to escape pain. There are indeed such cases, liver cancer as an example, where the person is dying already, and even near lethal doses of narcotics can't ease the pain. There's a lot of aspects of that that most refuse to face. Normally. Pros and cons with good points and bad. As a Medical matter it's not easy. As a government matter it's often poisonous. If it's ok to assist the incurable to end life, is it then ok to chose to end a life without consent? Ok to assist someone in emotional pain? Suicide for every heart break? Girl said she hates you and thus you must die? Thwarted ambition a just cause? Lose your job, lose your life? I am not being sarcastic or stretching for the unlikely. It's not that simple. Even if I agree a terminal illness and uncontrollable pain is moral justification for suicide, many other reasons are not. Depression is very real and very hard. Die for a chemical imbalance? That's depression. Kill patients to save money cloaked in false and real compassion? That's socialized medicine in some places. And a hopefully separate issue than the OP's and several of us' s hurt when a friend or loved one suicides. He, and I, both had no warning, no diagnosis of a terminal condition, no chance to argue or try to help. Many here have had this happen. Each time the survivors have the torture of self doubt and the dreaded "If only". A whole world apart from the terminal friend. I refuse to rate or scale the hurt. I leave that to the folk that think they can apply math to emotions. | ||
| Hughlysses |
I've heard of one understandable suicide in my life. He was a friend of a bunch of my college friends (he never went to college). I met the guy a couple of times, he seemed really cool and had an endless array of hilarious stories. Just 3 or 4 years later they told me he'd committed suicide. Turns out he had bouts of utterly crippling depression. He had sought every means of treatment available, including even making a trip to Canada for something they offered not available in the US. The only thing he found that offered any relief was shock therapy. He claimed for maybe a week after that he would be OK but the depression would soon return. He was living with his parents when he did it. He went in their basement, carefully took a black powder pistol he owned and removed the grips. He loaded it with a double charge of powder and bullet, clamped it in a bench vice, knelt down next to it with his head resting against the barrel and pulled the trigger. While his family and friends were terribly saddened, nobody was surprised and they all understood how he wound up there. This was at least 30 years ago and I'm sure there have been drugs developed since then which likely would have helped him. RIP Mark. |
