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Archive through December 08, 2018Crusty30 12-08-18  11:50 am
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Archive through December 12, 2012Froggy30 12-12-12  11:04 am
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Hootowl
Posted on Saturday, December 08, 2018 - 09:14 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

What is the body temperature of a Tauntaun?

Lukewarm.
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Crusty
Posted on Sunday, December 09, 2018 - 01:37 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)



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Froggy
Posted on Saturday, December 22, 2018 - 01:46 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

Smoking will kill you ...

Bacon will kill you...

But, smoking bacon will cure it.
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Ducbsa
Posted on Saturday, December 22, 2018 - 06:13 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

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Sifo
Posted on Tuesday, January 22, 2019 - 07:01 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

A young woman brought her fiancé home to meet her parents.

After dinner, her mother told the girl's father to find out about the young man.

The father invited the fiancé to his study for a talk.

"So, what are your plans?" the father asked the young man.

"I am a biblical scholar," he replied.

"A biblical scholar, hmmm?" the father said.

"Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in?"

"I will study," the young man replied, "and God will provide for us."

"And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?" asked the father.

"I will concentrate on my studies," the young man replied, "God will provide for us."

"And children?" asked the father. "How will you support children?"

"Don't worry, sir, God will provide," replied the fiancé.

The conversation proceeded like this...and each time the father questioned, the young idealist insisted that God would provide.

Later, the mother asked, "How did your talk go, honey?"

The father answered, "another Democrat, He has no job, he has no plans, and he thinks I'm God."
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Ducbsa
Posted on Wednesday, January 23, 2019 - 08:13 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)


ddd
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Sifo
Posted on Thursday, January 24, 2019 - 09:33 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

Walmart installed a medical kiosk, for $10 and a urine sample, it would diagnose any condition. When my friend went with a sore elbow, the computer printout read “You have tennis elbow. Soak it in warm water and avoid heavy work for 2 weeks” Impressed, my friend wondered if he could fool the machine.

He mixed tap water with dog poo, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and then pleasured himself into the mixture.

When he put the sample into the machine the next day, the printout read: “1. Your tap water is too hard. Use softener. 2. Your dog has ringworm. Give it antibiotics. 3. Your daughter is on cocaine. Get her to rehab. 4. Your wife is expecting twins. Not yours. Get a lawyer. 5. If you keep playing with yourself, your frikkin elbow won’t get better!

“Thank you for shopping at Walmart”
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Ducbsa
Posted on Friday, January 25, 2019 - 06:26 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

https://biggeekdad.com/2019/01/geek-or-nerd/
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Sifo
Posted on Thursday, February 07, 2019 - 05:35 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

Wilderness tip...

If you ever find yourself being attacked by a bear, be sure to spray it right in the face with pepper spray.

You are going to die, and the pepper spray will only piss the bear off, but at least a pissed off bear will kill you quickly.
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Ducbsa
Posted on Thursday, February 07, 2019 - 06:31 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

Midday, in the heat of a little town in the Old Wild West. A tall cowboy rides in on a big black horse. He wears a big black Stetson, silver spurs, carries two big black revolvers ------- the whole deal. He stops outside the saloon, swings down off his horse and hitches it to the rail. He then goes to the back of the mighty stallion, lifts its tail, plunges two fingers up its arse then draws them resolutely across his mouth. A boy sitting on the dusty sidewalk watches this and says; "Say, mister, why'd yuh do that there with thu horse?" "Well, son, ah got chapped lips." "Does that cure them?" asks the boy. "Nope, but it shore stops me lickin' 'em!"
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Crusty
Posted on Friday, February 15, 2019 - 06:27 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

OK; this isn't new. Court posted this a few years ago and it really made me chuckle. Today, I came across it and I think it's time to share it again.

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Pwnzor
Posted on Friday, February 15, 2019 - 07:49 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Custodian/Admin only)

Wow, there's a lot going on in that news article
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