Food on an Irish Airline... Airborne approximately thirty minutes on an outbound evening flight from Dublin, the lead flight attendant for the Aer Lingus cabin crew nervously made the following painful announcement...
"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm so very sorry, but it appears that there has been a terrible mix-up, just minutes prior to takeoff, by our airport catering service.
I don't know how this has happened, but we have 103 passengers on board and, unfortunately, only 40 dinner meals were delivered to the plane. I truly apologize for this mistake and inconvenience.”
When the passengers' muttering had died down, she continued... "Anyone who would be kind enough to give up their meal so that someone else can eat will receive free, unlimited drinks for the duration of our 5-hour flight."
Her next announcement came 90 minutes later... "If anyone would like to change their minds, we still have 40 dinners available."
A new Army Captain was assigned to an outfit in a remote post in the Afghan Desert. During his first inspection of the outfit, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent.
He asked the Sergeant why the camel was kept there.
The nervous sergeant said, 'Sir, as you know, there are 250 men here on the post and no women. Sometimes the men have urges. That's why we have Molly the Camel.
The Captain said, 'I can't say that I condone this, but I can understand about the 'urges', so the camel can stay.'
About a month later, the Captain starts having his own 'urges'. Crazed with lust, he asked the Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent. Putting a ladder behind the camel, the Captain stands on the ladder, pulls his pants down and makes passionate love to the camel.
When he's done, he asked the Sergeant, 'Is that how the men do it?'
'No sir. They usually just ride the camel into town. That's where the girls are."
A bear and a rabbit are taking a crap in the woods. The bear asks the rabbit if he has a problem with crap sticking to its fur. The rabbit, rather smugly, says that no, he does not. So the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit.
Once there was a little boy who lived in the country. They had to use an outhouse, and the little boy hated it because it was hot in the summer, cold in the winter, and stunk all the time. The outhouse was sitting on the bank of a creek and the boy determined that one day he would push that outhouse into the creek.
One day after a spring rain, the creek was swollen so the little boy decided today was the day to push the outhouse into the creek. So he got a large stick and started pushing. Finally, the outhouse toppled into the creek and floated away.
That night his dad told him they were going to the woodshed after supper. Knowing that meant a spanking, the little boy asked why. The dad replied, "someone pushed the outhouse into the creek today. It was you, wasn't it, son?" The boy answered yes. Then he thought a moment and said, "Dad, I read in school today that George Washington chopped down a cherry tree and didn't get into trouble because he told the truth." The dad replied, "Well, son, George Washington's father wasn't in that cherry tree."
The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their Tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.
Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, 'Kemo Sabe, look Towards sky, what you see? '
'The Lone Ranger replies, 'I see millions of stars.'
What that tell you?' asked Tonto.
The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, 'Astronomically speaking, It tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What's it tell you, Tonto?'
"You dumber than buffalo shit. It means someone stole the tent."