| Author | Message | ||
     Crusty |
President Barack Obama was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang. "Hello, President Obama” a heavily accented southern voice said. "This is Archie, down here at Joe's Catfish Shack, in Shellhorn, Alabama , and I am callin' to tell ya’ll that we are officially declaring war on ya!" "Well Archie," Barack replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?" "Right now," said Archie, after a moments calculation "there is myself, my cousin Harold, my next-door-neighbor Randy, and the whole dart team from Hooters. That makes eight!" Barack paused. "I must tell you Archie that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command." "Wow," said Archie. "I'll have to call ya back!" Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. “Mr. Obama, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!" "And what equipment would that be Archie?" Barack asked. "Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Harry’s farm tractor." President Obama sighed. "I must tell you Archie, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also I've increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke." "Lord above", said Archie, "I'll be getting back to ya." Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. “President Obama! I am sorry to have to tell you that we have had to call off this here war." "I'm sorry to hear that" said Barack. "Why the sudden change of heart?" Well, sir," said Archie, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over sweet tea, and come to realize that there's just no way we can feed that many prisoners." Southern CONFIDENCE CANNOT BE SHAKEN If you are a REAL Southerner, you won't even need to be told to pass this on! Y'all come back now ya hear! | ||
| Boogiman1981 |
bwahahahahahahahahahaha!!! | ||
| Xdigitalx |
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| Jetbuilder |
Yep! | ||
| Blake |
heheheh | ||
| Kenm123t |
South lost because they ran out of supplies | ||
| Mr_grumpy |
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| Slaughter |
South lost because the North's god was more powerful than the South's | ||
| Kenm123t |
Slaughter the South is look at Growth In Texas! Compare that to Mich, Calif, and New York. | ||
| Sifo |
Some more southern humor... Alabama A group of Alabama friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck. "Where's Henry?" the others asked. "Henry had a stroke o' some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied. "You left Henry layin' out there and carried the deer back?" they inquired. "A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one's gonna steal Henry!" Georgia The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, "Y'all graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everthang but my earrings." Louisiana A senior citizen in Louisiana was overheard saying ... "When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana ." When asked why, he replied, "I'd rather be in Louisiana 'cause everythang happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the world." Mississippi The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!" Bubba replied, "Did y'all see who it was?" The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number." North Carolina A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait. A passerby studied the scene as he drove by, and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was. The man replied, "I got a flat tahr." The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?" The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand it neither." Tennessee A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65. The trooper asked, "Got any ID?" The driver replied, "Bout whut?" Texas The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, "Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don't you see that sign right over your head." "Yep," he replied. "That's why I'm dumpin' it here, 'cause it says: 'Fine For Dumping Garbage.' " *** Y'all kin say whut y'all want 'about the South, but y'all never heard o' nobody retirin' an' movin' North | ||
| Sifo |
And while I'm at it... I was eating lunch on the 20th of February with my 7 year-old granddaughter and I asked her, "What day is tomorrow?" She said, "It's President's Day!" (She is a smart kid.) I asked, "What does President's Day mean?" I was waiting for something about Washington or Lincoln ... etc. She replied, "President's Day is when President Obama steps out of the White House, and if he sees his shadow we have one more year of unemployment." | ||
| Slaughter |
Ken - I spend LOTS of time in Texas and you are exactly correct. We participate in the ABC retirement plan: Anywhere But California (actually Arizona) |
