Drinking helped me anyways, I used to lounge around feeling like shit, being a sloth, and work was horrible, at least with a little ale in the system it kept me...on high spirits one would say. I did it for the sake of everyone else around me, I was usually a prick and no one likes a prick, being slightly inebriated took the edge off.
I'm in the Military and this crap happens ALOT to us. You eventually learn to never trust a B****. Take the time on the rebound to self improve. You can go to the gym and out with friends to catch up on the life this succubus was stealing. The trick is to be better off when you see her next, not for her but for you.
Thank you for putting it out there, no apology required around here. You're on the "cheese grater," experiencing the sensation of emotions manifested as physical pain. Big, hurtful things, take a while to work through. It is a process of working through grief, grieving for the "death" of a big part of your life. The pain does not last forever, though it feels like it will.
Lots of decent advice from this group, plenty of whom empathize. Love, hate and despair are all temporary manifestations of emotion. Find your friends and talk it out. Use the "geographic solution" of going places and doing things that require your brain to function in the matter at hand; it stops the tape from replaying itself over and over in your mind.
Consider, as a starting point, that you will survive whether you feel like it or not. Second point is a person who would hurt you is gone from your life. Third, you can stay distracted from the matter through your work and hanging out in the company of friends or family, or that music and reading suggested above.
And feel free to come here and let your feelings out. We'll listen.
Nik, I was remiss in my assertion. Should have differentiated Love with a capital L from "being in love" as that is the inverse of "being in hate." Being in love gives some butterflies in their stomach, being in hate gives some ulcers. The trick is to not be "in" either. I agree with the saying, "time heals all wounds," but cannot speed it up to help another bear the brunt of cheese grater pain. Being able to distance oneself from the problem as quickly as possible is a possible/real step on the road to healing. Eventually we change the way we look at the experience. Eventually we move on. All my best to those struggling--
Even grumpy isn't always. But then, he lives in Brittany. If the love of my life left me, perhaps I'd buy him a cider as I toured. I'm old, but a long time ago split with my former Mrs. Asked for a ride to the airport and went to Paris, stayed 6 months. Somehow, she considered that "me winning." Too bad. (I felt it was a "win," too).
promise. i promise myself not to drink either. drinking can, and will, make things worse. especially for me. shooting cream corn on the other hand, i may do a lot of! boy that sounds fun! my older brother tried to take me out to the gun range saturday, and they were closed. he was pissed, i was happy to get out of the house. i will make a second attempt for the gun range this saturday. i have a ruger lcr to break in! i was able to talk on the phone with "her" today. i told her how i felt about her, trying to stray away from how i feel. (does that make sense?)i truely love her, no need to say bad things, put her down or try and get even. i tried to speak from my heart as best i could. i dont expect anything to change. like it has been said,"everything happens for a reason". i believe, if you love someone you will let them go. that is what i am trying to do. i felt better after the conversation. i expressed my feelings, and some how, i may have got some closure. this will be a long road. i truely love her, and probably always will. i hope some day in the future, it will be revealed to me why this had to happen. thank you all again, for the support.for someone to spend a few moments, to hold my chin up when i cant, speaks volumes to me. it really means a lot .
sometimes things just happen. When my ex-wife dumped me, I went through hell for a year and heck for a couple of more. We talk now, via e-mail, and have had lunch on occasion. I don't have the same feelings. We've both had different experiences and I wouldn't have traded my divorce, no matter how painful, for anything.
You're in the forest now, just keep on the path and don't look at the trees crowding in on you. Things are good on the other side.
Sorry I didn't notice that. I hope thing turn around for you Andy. Take care
Anonymous
Posted on Thursday, January 21, 2010 - 07:47 pm:
I will Apologize for Threadjacking and running off at the Keyboard. Letting off Steam Keeps the Boiler from blowing. Keeps the Blood Pressure down and Heartrate steady. Eventually Life will feel better. Thank You all for being here. I am not giving up on Life. Just trying to figure out next step which might turn things around. God Bless and Good Will to All.
I am not giving up on Life. Stick with that. Even when it seems to have given up on you there is still always hope. I have been through just as much as the next guy (or gal), and when it seems like there is no light (or maybe one headlight is out?!) you will always find a way to get through. One of the most traumatic times in my life was finding someone very close to me, who had given up on life. Apparently he didn't think of what it would do to the ones left to clean up the mess and pick up the pieces again. After 30 years of feeling like I always got the short end of the stick, I can now honestly say I feel like it was worth the wait to have what I have today.
Andy, Consider yourself fortunate and thank God that you didn't waste a moment more with her. It is something that was necessary to go through so you can grow and move on.
I just divorced after 32 years, for the next 10 years I will be paying the equivelant of $10 per hour to my ex, I consider it my Happy Tax. I know that she will not be happy with that either and that she feels all her problems are because of me, because I didn't love her enough because I didn't buy her the bigger house, the cottage on the lake, the car that she wanted. I am crazy happy without her even with all the problems a divorce makes with children, having to find a place to stay, money and not having a car. My only regret is that I didn't do it 10 years ago when I came to the realization that she was never going to change.
I now have a girlfriend that bought me the house that my ex always wanted, the cottage on the lake and the Buell of my dreams. I am sitting on the couch watching Disney channel and Sponge Bob Square Pants on a 52 inch and if it all dissappeared this afternoon, I would be cold, and poor and stupid happy.
Sucks, but one thing is certain now, you're done with her, no looking back. The phrase "the best revenge is living well" works, but works even better without the revenge part. I was in a 10 year marriage with a serial adultress, whose social position and career put her above suspicion. When the poop hit the prop, I was pissed at myself for not seeing the signs, but when you aren't looking for any, what can you do? Get a good lawyer, find a way to keep physically active, and get on with it, as much as it may suck right now.
I was at the gas station the other day, standing right beside my ex, and didn't recognize her. She later ragged to my daughter that I'd "snubbed" her. I wouldn't have if I'd recognized her........
it has been a little while now and the roller coaster is slowing down. all my feelings have not changed, they are not as intense. i guess that is a positive. i wonder if the feelings will ever go away? i have had some time to think, and realize that there is not much around in my life that does not remind me of her. so much history. guess i should be grateful that she was a part of my life. i am soooo ready to get out in nature. ie get lost on the bike or go fishing. i just cant bring myself to get out and do either in this 14 degree weather. i keep telling myself, "this too shall pass." just like in the rest of my life, nothing happens fast enough for me. i guess i need to practice some patience. hopefully great things are to come. it sucks not being able to see what is coming.
It's tough I know, last one was two properties liquidated, kids (her's), Big loss. That was the second in a row and started building again for the 3rd tim at 45yrs old.
In both of them I was, (still am) a Bible believing born again Christian, but even the Almighty Himself couldn't take the pain away. If your the one that hurts, consider yourself fortunate cause you will get thru it and learn. My last two ex'es have trashed two other guys each since me. Now they're too old to attract anything but flies and they are some sad cases I assure you.
There's consequences of a persons actions and they demand payment, now or later.
(Message edited by metalrabbit on January 30, 2010)
(Message edited by metalrabbit on January 30, 2010)
it sucks not being able to see what is coming. Sometimes it does, but wouldn't life be a little less exciting when the good things happen if you knew they were coming? Think of all the good things you can't see coming now!
) you will always find a way to get through.