| Author | Message | ||
     Rasmonis |
First, thank you all for your support, prayers, debate and friendship, you're all like family to us. I'll try to keep it brief: My mother in-law has made contact (telephone) with Randie 3 times over the past 2 weeks or so. Where they are is still a mystery but wherever they are it is cold and they cannot afford to pay for utilities apparently (according to Randie - to me it sounds like she's trying to get money from her grandparents). Rob is working somewhere but only leaves where they are to work. Randie apparently does not leave the house. There is now a warrant for Rob's arrest due to probation violations. A warrant on Randie expired 2 weeks ago. They are afraid to leave where they are because now if caught Rob will likely do a little time. According to my mother in-law, Randie left because she couldn't stand K anymore and wanted to leave the house. K was pretty much destroyed after hearing that (what mother wants to hear that coming from their child). I have for the most part detached myself from Randie and the needless drama she has created, it is perfect for my in-laws, their lives are a constant made-for-trailer-trash drama anyway. The worst part of it is that they now have another tool by which to manipulate K. You have all invested a lot for us and I figured this was the least I could do. But this is the end of the story for now. Catch up with me at Daytona or MBIV, we'll have a howl talking bout this crap. Lastly, K, RAS93 and myself are very greatful and thankful to all the Badwebbers who where there for us, expect nothing less from us in return. -Ras | ||
| Ulywife |
Parenting is the hardest job ever. Children will usually lash out at parents because they know that we will love them regardless of most anything they do. Keep your heart and door open. Your family is still in our thoughts. See you at MBIV. | ||
| Xbduck |
Hey Ras let K know that I know a mother who travels 2hrs on Fridays to spend weekends with a daughter that she used to get into fist fights with on a regular basis. Things will change just keep the faith! | ||
| Rubberdown |
Keep strong, Man. This will all work out eventually. | ||
| Blake |
Hard lessons are being learned. The prodigal daughter will wise up eventually. Keep the faith brother.  | ||
| Glitch |
Ramon, that is good news. At least you know she's doing fairly well, albeit cold. I had a feeling she'd be getting in touch with someone once the reality of Winter hit. I have often thought of you and K. Drama, I feel ya brother! Who needs needless drama! Tell K it'll be alright, for some unknown reason, it seems that daughters feel the need to fight/hurt their Mothers. They usually outgrow it, and become close with their Mothers again. Looking forward to shaking your hand at MB-IV. | ||
| Rainman |
Wish I had life-changing advice to give, but all I can say is don't slam shut any doors. Things change and change quickly. Hang in there. I'm thinking about ya. | ||
| Toona |
Wow, The tough love side of me would say, she got (is getting) what she deserves. The dad in me says, where are my keys?, so that I could be at the in-laws house the next time she calls. if nothing else to get a caller ID number to trace and then turn it over to the police so they can arrest the fugitive (Rob).... Parent/child relationships are tough. After about 2 years of being at odds w/ my father (both of our faults) things are on the mend. As Rainman stated, keep the doors (of communication) open. | ||
| Rasmonis |
Thanks all, I wish I could say "She's messed up because we failed her as parents or something" but that's not the case here. That makes it difficult for me leave a door open. She's getting what she wanted I guess, to have a rough start and persevere like we did. She's got a rough start that's for sure. Had they waited 4 months, they'd be set. Ahh to be young and stupid. I'm glad she's alive at least. Hopefully in the future something good will come of this for us. I do not see me accepting Rob into our family - ever, just don't see it happening folks. I am suddenly envious of all the other families out there whose kids turn out ok and at least finish high school. | ||
| Glitch |
I am suddenly envious of all the other families out there whose kids turn out ok and at least finish high school. You can only say such a thing while looking from the outside in. Since he's in real trouble (with the law) it's only a matter of time for him. Living in fear will take it's toll on him, and he's sure to •••• up and get himself locked up. She'll feel alone then and need family to lean on. She may not call you to pick up the pieces, but she will call family, that I'm sure of. She's already been in touch with the grandparents. No one would ever fault you for not taking to Rob, I know I never would, he's a sleez and he knows it, if he wasn't he wouldn't be running from the law and dragging your daughter along for the ride. Ramon, take it easy on yourself, there comes a time when we just have to let go, and move ahead. I know how hard it is to do, I know this because I've had to do it myself. The world will continue to spin, and life goes on. We still love them with all our hearts, we do the best we can, but there just comes a time to let them make their own decisions, and fall on their faces, and we can't always be there to help 'em back up, because of the choices they have made. Oh shit that was heavy. Please forgive me if I was out of line. I just got carried away, only because I feel your pain. Jonathan turns 19 this September, I've not seen him since he turned 16. I'm with you brother, I really am. | ||
| Rasmonis |
Glitch, This may sound F'd up, but when I think about all of this you come to mind every time. I often think about what you must have gone through (and are still going through), it helps keep things in perspective. | ||
| Glitch |
We do what we can, we can do no more. It's not •••••• up, it comforts me to know I'm not alone either. Looking forward to meeting you this Spring. I really want to shake your hand brother. | ||
| Rainman |
You guys are not as alone as you might think. There's lots of us with brothers and nieces and nephews, mothers and fathers who have been through these kind of bad choices. Heck, there's even a few of us who put ourselves through it. Things change. If you need to talk, it appears as though there's a lot of folks right here who understand. | ||
| Iamike |
Rasmonis- I have a distant relative that have a daughter that put them through absolute hell. She eventually grew up and now appreciates their love and forgiveness. Don't give up hope and maybe some day she'll do the same. | ||
| Tx05xb12s |
I never married/have no kids. But I can still relate from the other side of the street. As a kid I was hell on wheels. Wouldn't listen, thought everyone was stupid except me, ran away from home at 16, and didn't see my folks for a decade. I spent the first couple of those years doing what typical wild kids on the loose do and finally got in trouble. I ended up in the military because jail didn't sound as much fun as toting a weapon for Uncle Sugar. It saved my life, and I'm doing OK now. The last thing my father said to me before I left was that I was going to wind up in the penitentiary some day. I did; I'm a regional manager for the Texas Dept. of Criminal Justice and 1/2 way through a MBA in Finance with a 4.0 GPA. If I can turn out to be a good citizen, I'm sure your daughter will too. I know I broke my parents hearts and I'll carry that guilt with me to the grave. I now have a very close and loving relationship with both of my parents. They were going through a divorce when I ran away, so my mom's alone. I live a couple of blocks away, and see her every day. I take care of her yard, cook for her, do all her honey do's, bring her flowers just because, and anything else I can think of to make her happy. I also make it a point to use any free time I get to go hang out with my dad. He retired at 50 a few years back, so he likes to tinker in his shop, fish and hunt, or just enjoy the outdoors. Sometimes I wish I didn't feel so obligated to spend the rest of my life paying them back for all the pain I caused them, but then again I really appreciate the closeness I feel in our relationships and am eternally thankful for their forgiveness and approval of the man I turned out to be (even if mom really doesn't particularly care for my motorcycle). LOL! Hang in there. Sometimes us knucklehead kids have to get rapped on the noggin a few times before we begin to see the big picture. | ||
| Rasmonis |
Wow that was way off the scale on the heavy meter. Hit me like a brick. I need to forgive her for her mistakes, accept my role in this and accept the fact that I need to move on. Some days it feels like I have moved on. Perhaps you should also consider forgiving yourself, sounds like you decided to grow up and take charge of your life. You made the effort to better yourself and reestablish a relationship with your parents. I hope Randie decides to do the same, she really is a remarkable person. We've learned a few things about her since she's been gone, she has not been a very good person and I imagine it will take her a while to learn and accept the fact that you sleep on the bed you make. It will happen eventually and then she'll have a big decision to make: Do I stay as I am or do I change? I just hope she makes the right choice. | ||
| Glitch |
Thanks for that Philip. As one that also went to the School of Hard Knocks, is the whole reason I keep the faith. Ramon, who knew buying a motorcycle, and logging onto a website would be such a good choice! | ||
| Bcordb3 |
Ramon It is good news that Randi has contacted someone. It is a step in the right direction. I think she is starting reach out. K, I know this doesn't sound right, but don't feel bad. Randi sounds like she is trying to justify her running away and placing blame with those she loves. Our prayers are with you everyday. (Message edited by BCordb3 on February 10, 2007) | ||
| Tx05xb12s |
Hey Ramon, I want you to forgive yourself too. Despite my wholesome Christian upbringing and the best money could buy from my parents, I was the dregs of society and deserve to be dead or in prison for the way I acted as a teenager. I'm sure your daughter is not half as bad as I was, and I turned out OK. Sometimes despite your best efforts, people just refuse to be taught. I don't know what my problem was. I was just angry about nothing and everything in general. I'm sure her story goes along those lines too. I know it's hard because I still have not forgiven myself for my actions during that timeperiod, but you have to know that this is not your fault. You'll worry about her and wonder how she is every single day, but remember that time heals all, and even if she's not doing what she could be doing, she's still building valuable life experience that will be useful in the future. We're with you brother, and she knows you love her. She'll be back. | ||
| Bomber |
most "functional" families look that way from the outside, and from a distance -- humans are funny animals, and often create trouble where there needn't be any -- you've done your best, sir -- all you can do is to hope for the best for your daughter, and understand that you don't get to define what that is . . . . . thanks for the update -- give your wife a hug from all of us . . . . . | ||
| Blackbelt |
Hay Rasmonis, I being a new father (in comparison my daughter is one year and a half). I too worry about being a good father and doing the right thing. I got some really good advice from my father in law one day. He said" all you can do as parents is to teach them all the lessons you have learned, the good and the bad. Hope they listen, and love them w/ all your heart. There will be times when they will test that love, perposely and not purposely, but it will be tested. Just love them w/ all your heart, and time will overcome the hurt." When he said that my daughter was 2 hours old. I almost balled my eyes out. How could such a little thing do such big things in the future? I have read all your messages concerning your daughter. I really did prey and still do for you and your family. I am sure that one day she will wake up and realize what a mistake she made, it may be tomorrow it may be 2 years down the road... but she knows you love her. That is all that matters in this world | ||
| Ulywife |
Tx - thanks for sharing your story. It's stories like yours that give us hope that children who stray/rebel will eventually come home. Looking forward to meeting you and Rasmonis at MBIV. | ||
| Tx05xb12s |
No problem Kristi. Ramon's gonna be there too!? Well good, maybe we both can enjoy a little hard-earned relaxation. I'm hoping I'll get away with blending my clean-cut good citizen persona with my tongue-ring wearing, tatted up bad boy side while on vacation. It's been a long time since I looked up from trying to give myself a pug nose on the old grindstone. I need a vacation so bad I look like I've been chasing parked cars for the last seven years. That's how long it took me to promote to a management position with the agency and get this far with my education. One more year and then I guess I'll have to decide what I want to do when I grow up. It would be a dream come true to get my resume into Mr. Buell's hands after I finish this MBA. Who wouldn't want to help build Buells??? Right? Not to take away from the gravity of this string, but just recently I've been beginning to feel the weight of the world I've been carrying around lifting off of my shoulders. Buell had a LOT to do with that. My riding experience and all that it comes with has taught me to live and let go...I'd like to give something back to BMC. And just because I'm about to finish a MBA doesn't mean I'd have to have a big-shot position either. I'd be content to start by sweeping the man's floors and work my way up from there. | ||
| Rasmonis |
There are many things I'd like to say in response, but currently I'm at a loss for words...Thanks all. | ||
| Buellgirlie |
ras - sometimes kids just have to learn their own lessons. i know i've tested my parents in my own way. all you can do is teach and love to the best of your ability. thinking of you, D | ||
| Red_chili |
As a kid I was hell on wheels. Wouldn't listen, thought everyone was stupid except me, ran away from home at 16, and didn't see my folks for a decade. I spent the first couple of those years doing what typical wild kids on the loose do and finally got in trouble. I ended up in the military because jail didn't sound as much fun as toting a weapon for Uncle Sugar. It saved my life, and I'm doing OK now. The last thing my father said to me before I left was that I was going to wind up in the penitentiary some day. I did; I'm a regional manager for the Texas Dept. of Criminal Justice and 1/2 way through a MBA in Finance with a 4.0 GPA. If I can turn out to be a good citizen, I'm sure your daughter will too. }Hey Tx- as a dad, I hear the guilt in your voice. Let it go, I know your dad would say the same thing. The deepest relationships are forged through pain. Look at it this way- you proved him RIGHT! And wrong, all at once. What more could a dad want? LOL!  Thank you for your service, and for your ongoing service! Hey Ras, you got my prayers. FWIW, risking being out of line, if you can find a way to accept the guy into the family (to a degree) for as long as your kid does (while NOT enabling him and NOT bailing him out and DO keep your guard up), well... good things will come of that tough work. | ||
| Tx05xb12s |
That's the weight I've been carrying I was talking about. Good things come from everything though. Now my mission in life is to make other people happy around me. I don't feel the guilt for my actions so much anymore, but I still have a strong urge to give back wherever I can because it makes me happy to do things for people they would never ask for in a million years. What doesn't kill ya makes you stronger (or nicer anyway). Everything's going to be alright with Ramon's kid. Just the fact that he cares and hasn't given up is enough to know that it'll all work out sooner than later. It might get rougher before it gets smoother, but it'll get smoother nonetheless! |
