| Author | Message | ||
     Bubabuell |
Today's a good day to reflect on the wisdom from the church of Carlin... To my way of thinking there are really only three sports: baseball, basketball, and football. Everything else is either a game or an activity. Hockey comes to mind. People think hockey is a sport. It's not. Hockey is three activities taking place at the same time: ice skating, fooling around with a puck, and beating the shit out of somebody. If these guys had more brains then teeth, they'd do these things one at a time. First go ice-skating, then fool around with a puck, then you go to the bar and beat the shit out of somebody. The day would last longer, and these guys would have a lot more fun. Another reason why hockey isn't a sport is that it's not played with a ball. Anything not played with a ball can't be a sport. These are my rules, I make 'em up. Soccer. Soccer is not a sport because you can't use your arms. Anything where you can't use your arms can't be a sport. Tap dancing isn't a sport. I rest my case. Running. People think running is a sport. Running isn't a sport because anybody can do it. I can run, you can run. For Christ sakes, my mother can run! You don't see her on the cover of Sports Illustrated, do you? Swimming. Swimming isn't a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That's just common sense. Sailing isn't a sport. Sailing is a way to get somewhere. Riding the bus isn't a sport, why the **** should sailing be a sport? Boxing is not a sport either. Boxing is a way to beat the shit out of somebody. In that respect, boxing is actually a more sophisticated way of hockey. In spite of what the police tell you, beating the shit out of somebody is not a sport. When police brutality becomes an Olympic event, fine, then boxing can be a sport. Bowling. Bowling isn't a sport because you have to rent shoes. Don't forget, these are my rules. I make 'em up. Billiards. Some people think billiards is a sport, but it can't be, because there's no chance of serious injury. Unless, of course, you welch on a bet in a tough neighborhood. Then, if you wind up with a pool cue stickin' out of your ass, you know you might be the victim of a sports-related injury. But that ain't billiards, that's pool, and that starts with a P, and that rhymes with D, and that brings me to darts. Darts could have been a sport, because at least there's a chance to put someone's eye out. But, alas, darts will never be a sport, because the whole object of the game is to reach zero, which goes against all sports logic. Lacrosse is not a sport; lacrosse is a faggoty college activity. I don't care how rough it is, anytime you're running around a field, waving a stick with a little net on the end of it, you're engaged in a faggoty college activity. Period. Field hockey and fencing. Same thing. Faggoty college shit. Also these activities aren't sports, because you can't gamble on them. Anything you can't gamble on can't be a sport. When was the last time you made a f'in fencing bet? Gymnastics is not a sport because Romanians are good at it. It took me a long time to come up with that rule, but goddammit, I did it. Polo isn't a sport. Polo is golf on horseback. Without holes. It's a great concept, but not a sport. And as far as water polo is concerned, I hesitate to even mention it, because it's extremely cruel to horses. Which brings me to hunting. You think hunting is a sport? Ask the deer. The only good thing about hunting is the many fatal accidents on the weekends. And, of course, the permanently disfigured hunters who survive such accidents. Then you have tennis. Tennis is very trendy and very fruity, but it's not a sport. It's just a way to meet other trendy fruits. Technically, tennis is an advanced form a Ping-Pong. In fact, tennis is Ping-Pong played while standing on the table. Great concept, not a sport. In fact, all racket games are nothing more the derivatives of Ping-Pong. Even volleyball is, technically, racketless, team Ping-Pong played with an inflated ball and raised net while standing on the table. And finally welcome to golf. For my full take on golf, I refer you elsewhere in the book, but let it just be said golf is a game that might possibly be fun, if it could be played alone. But it's the vacuous, striving, superficial, male-bonding joiners one has to associate with that makes it such a repulsive pastime. And it is decidedly not a sport. Period. (Message edited by bubabuell on June 25, 2006) | ||
| Lpowel02 |
The World Cup's on and I care... ...just watched England eliminate Ecuador. Good win if you're English, which I am...  | ||
| Lpowel02 |
...besides, if you go by the Carlinesque "only baseball, basketball, and football are sports" theory, then motorcycle racing is not a sport and I think a few people here might disagree with that  | ||
| Bubabuell |
Well, kudos to England I guess. But the whole concept of soccer's (sorry, football) wrong - kicking a round ball into a square net. | ||
| Bubabuell |
...besides, if you go by the Carlinesque "only baseball, basketball, and football are sports" theory, then motorcycle racing is not a sport Oh, I disagree. You use your hands, you can do severe injury to yourself and others, and you can bet on it. Now add a ball ala Roller Ball and you have the ultimate.} (Message edited by bubabuell on June 25, 2006) | ||
| Tramp |
i could never really stand team sports. they wanted me for football and baseball in S, but I really didn't have the spare time or the wherewithall to shower with other guys when there were so many nice girls around who enjoyed afterschool motorcycle rides (on old triumphs) or skiing.... i played rugby in college, where our rugby and surf teams were essentially the same group of booze hounds. turns out i have a strong natural talent for powerhitting and pitching, but i always found catching baseballs/footballs to be unnatural. i get outta the way of projectiles. can't stand all the weird soccer moms and dads around here. soccer's unhealthy for kids, as training the unnatural 'no arms' BS stunts the growth of one cerebral hemisphere....some clinical psychiatrists are looking into this cerebral asymmetry as a possible vector for rampant ADD/ADHD diagnoses. Personally, I blame bored psychiatrists and greedy pharmaceutical firms. (Message edited by tramp on June 25, 2006) | ||
| Lpowel02 |
But the whole concept of soccer's (sorry, football) wrong - kicking a round ball into a square net. but american football (which I enjoy watching - go Eagles!) is called "football" and there's only one guy who uses his foot....and he's kicking a squashed oblong shaped ball through an "H" how can that be right??  | ||
| Bubabuell |
Why do you hate America? | ||
| Lpowel02 |
Why do you hate America? Why are you out of the asylum??  | ||
| Bubabuell |
Yup. Glad to see you realized (realised for you Brits) that I was kidding. | ||
| Lpowel02 |
yeah...I realiS/Ze...  now, I'm stuck inside on the computer since it's pouring rain here in dreary ol' Connecticut....but what's your excuse?? I thought it was always sunny out there....shouldn't you be out at the Rock Store or somewhere similar making all of us east-coasters jealous? | ||
| Bubabuell |
With family watching the world cup. | ||
| Lpowel02 |
go Portugal!!!! | ||
| Bubabuell |
Go Espana! My wife's country of origin. | ||
| Mr_grumpy |
I love the football argument, everybody but EVERYBODY, in the whole world, except the people who live on the north american continent, know that football & soccer are the same thing, & that American football, is just jazzed up Rugby with body armour & helmets (so the poor dears don't get hurt) & a whole cartload of commercial breaks. I fully concur on the Ice Hockey question though. Also I don't know if anyone has ever seen a game of Shinty, it's an Irish game played on a field with a ball & walking sticks held at the wrong end. As far as I've been able to make out there are no rules & it's effectively war by other means. | ||
| Curtyd |
Who cares? My brother-in-law. In fact until Mexico got beat yesterday, we all cared, now it's not much for me. MOTOGP at Assen @ 6PM. | ||
| Patrickh |
Played loads of rugby and soccer. Can't watch either on television. Football and baseball are always on TV in my house. | ||
| Bubabuell |
Also I don't know if anyone has ever seen a game of Shinty, it's an Irish game played on a field with a ball & walking sticks held at the wrong end. I think I saw that once. At least I saw blokes in kilts pushing something around with sticks that resembled a wicker-like ball. | ||
| Tramp |
I typically refer to "US Football" as "gridiron", not to be confused w/aussie rules, which is very different from both rugby (fwd. pass/no fwd. pass) and 'footbol'. In Rugby we didn't wear helmets and shoulder pads....also FAR more actual playtime, as opposed to 'standing-around-adjusting-the-cup time'....you know...for TV commercial breaks. Now, foosball is a game at which I suck, but one which I believe belongs in every pub, tavern, roadhouse, etc. in America. Foosball rocks. Any bar without a: 1. Foosball table 2. Cigarette machine 3. Jukebox featuring at least one johnny cash CD, and one Skynrd CD sucks. dang, do I miss beer-drinkin'. Nothing like a numb Beck's fog, "Tuesday's Gone" on the jukebox, and some random bar broad buying. | ||
| Tramp |
...and whose idea was it to sell Rolling Rock to anheiser-busch, anyway? man...this globalization's got me down | ||
| Bubabuell |
Bud's one of the sponsors in Germany for the cup and they're at a loss as to why their sales have been down. Duh! In the land of beer bud's as tasty as melted ice from a freezer that has been defrosted in ten years. | ||
| Tramp |
Is it american anheuser-busch bud or the actual (original) czech bud? | ||
| Bubabuell |
American Budweiser. | ||
| Tramp |
i cannot imagine any German actually drinking that kinderwasser. like promoting rosaries in khabul (Message edited by road_thing on June 26, 2006) | ||
| Lpowel02 |
budweiser....  | ||
| Crusty |
Is a World Cup something travelers put in their athletic supporters? | ||
| Slaughter |
"There are only three sports: bullfighting, motor racing, and mountaineering; all the rest are merely games.” Ernest Hemingway | ||
| Jon |
Trampasaurus, I agree with your earlier post regarding greedy pharmacudical firms...the whole medical field is one big business. You make more money by treating ailments than curing them. Down with Lipitor!! | ||
| 12r |
The World Cup is a fantastic opportunity to go out for a great bike ride. 2hrs of car-free riding. Bliss. 25 million watched England vs whoever yesterday - nearly half the population woo-hoo ! The TV scheduler must be a motorcyclist ! And another game next Saturday - I can hardly wait - go England !  | ||
| Jackbequick |
The Czech brewers, Budejovicky Budvar, appear to be losing in their squabble to keep Budweiser from selling their beer under the Budvar name on the European market. Some of the European lagers are similar in appearance to the tasteless, lightweight, mainstream American beers but most have more aroma and taste. The widely used Czech Saaz hops acount for the lovely aroma and flavor in many European beers. But some of the European light beers are closing in on the American beers as far is being lightweight and pissy. Football is good, I don't know how anyone that enjoys human competition can sit and watch a soccer game, following the play a little, without understanding what is going on and not "getting into it" a little. I wonder if American sports have not caused atrophied attention spans among the fans. Some Americans can't seem to enjoy on viewing sports that take more than a few seconds of focus. General ignorance of the game is the issue for some. Jack |
