| Author | Message | ||
     Doughnut |
Just venting. . . My job has threatened to cut my hours by 60 % if I don't work WHENEVER they say, which would not allow me to work my second job that I have to make ends meet. Now I find out that my 10 year relationship to my fiancee' who I live with has come to an end. Now I get to find a new home. So very tired. Feeling so , don't even know. Sorry, just venting, trying to deal with it all. Found out about the job last Friday, relationship in the last hour. | ||
| Jlnance |
Now I find out that my 10 year relationship to my fiancee' who I live with has come to an end. I'm so sorry. Thats always hard, even if you think it's the right decision. Much harder if you don't. Hang in there. Things will work out. | ||
| Kccyclone |
When it rains it pours....Sorry to hear about all the turbulence your going through, but remember it always works out...It might turn out differently than you planned, but it works out none the less....Stay positive, and vent out all the crap, so you don't bottle it up and carry it around... Larry | ||
| Reepicheep |
Every day is new, just keep walking, it will get better. How you deal with the stuff that happens says a lot more about you then just what stuff that happens to you. Take a deep breath, say a quiet prayer, and walk as bravely as you can looking forward to whatever new opportunities present themselves. | ||
| Johnnylunchbox |
Doughnut - don't lose your sense of self. An end is always a beginning. I don't mean to sound cliche, but use this time to reevaluate where you want to be in your life. Good luck. | ||
| Lowflyer |
There is good advice here already. Keep your chin up. Stay in touch here and with your friends/family. | ||
| Bluzm2 |
Jon, I kind of figured something like this was going on from the tone of our last phone conversation. I'm really sorry to hear things aren't going as well as you wished for. But, as others have just said above an end is not an end but a beginning of something new. One door shuts, another opens. I know right now it sounds like a load of horse crap but it's true. Johnny has it right. Nows the time to take a collective deep breath, stand back, evaluate and plan. Don't make any rash decisions, slow and easy wins this one. Oh yea, vent here all you want. It's good for the soul. I'll have th first part of the promised post up here for you tomorrow. Stay tuned! Hang in there Jon. Brad | ||
| Mikej |
If your first job wants to own you then they have no respect for you, sounds like a perfect time to find a different first job. Maybe your second job can become your first job, then find a different new second job. I know the job market kind of sucks right now, but there is opportunity out there so consider options you might not have considered before where your knowledge base can be applied to new tasks (or something like that). Relationship issues are always hard, and the only thing I can say is that life goes on. So focus on your immediate needs (a place to live) and go forward. All of us have been there, some are going there, some are there right now with you, but life does go on. To quote someone else: "better days to be". | ||
| Nutsosane |
Doughnut, I think it's pretty interesting you chose BADWEB to help console you. Your bike and riding must mean an awful lot to you. I say go for a ride, or sit on it and make the vroom sounds. Sometimes it is the only sanity I can find.  NUTS | ||
| Voltage_vector |
It's all true, its hard to believe sometimes, but you'll look back on all this s%$# in a few months and go...glads thats over...hang in there. After all, they can't eat you! Things really do get better, we have all been there. | ||
| Court |
Jonathon: First of all CONGRATULATIONS. You are a lucky guy if only for the fact that the "work" and the "relationship" are "known" quantities. You know what the deal is and that's infinitely better than guessing. Doesn't make it fun or pleasant, just better. The next thing that I see, heavily weighing in on behalf of brighter days ahead, is that you have demonstrate the good sense to talk, get counsel and consolation from friends. I know folks who have been through similar situations without the benefit of a place to vent. . . that gets ugly. There are several things you know. Let me take a crack and how I, personally, would order my efforts. The relationship sounds like it is over. If that is so, be nice, be a gentlemen and move ahead. That's a hurt that time will heal. Next, find a place to live. This is right up there atop Maslow's triangle and you need to get this one checked off to allow you a "place" to move ahead from. It may be short-term, don't get caught up in the details, it's shelter you're seeking now. Lastly, the job thing. You may not know it, but you are headed toward a career change. People may treat folks like that for a brief period, it simply doesn't work long term. You are going to spend the rest of your life living in this word. Every moment may not be the punchline where Mr. Ed tells Wilbur he thinks he's cute, but no one has the right to deal you misery. Here's my take. . . you are going to spend over 65% of your waking hours of your life at work. If you are miserable at work, the chance of being very happy at home diminishes quickly. I refuse to let the folks I work with have that much control . (by the way, today is my last day at my job. . I'm back working for myself come sunrise Tuesday. I figured if I was going to work for an •••••••, I wanted to work for a REAL •••••••. . . I'm a pro.) Finally. . . . and I used to lecture my two mutant offspring about this.....when you NEED HELP ASK FOR IT. You have a world of friends, most of whom you have not met. Many long time Badweb and Buell folks have helped talk me through some amazing challenges. Life matters. . . make the most of it. Oh yeah. . and SMILE. You are a lucky guy. Court | ||
| Garrett1998s1 |
5 years ago the week of my 30th Bday I lost both my job (plant closed) and live in girl friend. 5 years later married to my beautiful wife good job and also now have custody of my kids from my first marriage. Things will get better. Good Luck Garrett | ||
| Bomber |
rocky road you're on for certain, DN -- the job market has really improved a great deal over hte last couple of years -- you should be able to do better than your first job, perhaps to the point where a second won't be needed . . . . neither your employer nor your fiance deserved you -- this is a chance for you to make a new place for yourself -- | ||
| Henrik |
Jon; lots of good advice here already. Let me add; if you head is elsewhere, riding may not be a good idea - but *do* get out. Go for a brisk walk, head high, shoulders back - no slouching or dragging your feet - walk with a purpose and come back refreshed. Keep us posted. Henrik | ||
| Djkaplan |
Sometimes life takes you places you never intended going. Take consolation in that you live in the greatest country on the planet. My life hasn't gone exactly as I planned it out, but it's been one hell of a ride so far. | ||
| Voltage_vector |
Jon, doesent it feel good to be with all these friends who really do care? Better days ahead man. | ||
| Buellfighter |
Could be worse! Could be getting fired at the same time your wife is telling you she wants a divorce. Even though your not happy with your job at least you still have one until you decide what you want. As far as relationships go Court said it best, "time heals" and I would consider it closing a chapter so you can start a new one. | ||
| Essthreetee |
This may not sound right...but it has always helped me. It is a saying my Dad ALWAYS preached to me, and I now live by...preaching it to my own kids, as well as my students. "Everyday is a GOOD day, some are just better than others." To me it means, you woke up. That is a GOOD start, MUCH better than the alternative. Make the most out of each day, and try to find the GOOD everyday has to offer you (even though sometimes it may be REAL tough to do). Good luck, it should get better...I like Court's advice. | ||
| Doughnut |
Can't go for a ride, it is 15 degrees and icy, besides, sold the bike to afford a nicer place for the two of us. The job I had hoped to have by now is on hold untill the PD knows how may retirements they are going to have. At first they thought 6, no there may be none. This would all be a lot easier if I did hate her, but she is a VERY good person, just not with me I guess. Sucks, I can't see a life without her. But I rather her be happy then to be with me, so if this is what she wants, it is what she gets. I NEED this job soon, both so I came support myself and for something to really throw myself into. Wish I could just sell a kidney or something. Wish I could just break down and cry and be held, but no one is available for that now. Will try to keep everyone up to date. Thanks all. | ||
| M1combat |
I hear you Doughnut. Friends are a blessing in many ways. Hang out with some or find some to hang out with. People who accept you for who you are. They'll listen, but sometimes it's real transparent that they're telling you "what you want to hear"... That's OK. Just don't hold anything in and remember that you are who you are and it's probably good. The toughest places I've ever been in were due to break-ups. They heal though. Each woman that's been through my life still holds a warm place in my heart and the best way I've found to mend wounds created by a break-up are to find another meaningful relationship. I doubt you're interested in hearing that right now, but I'm sure your future has one in it. After my GF and I separated four months ago I decided to dedicate my life to something I've always wanted to dedicate it to but the opportunity never presented itself. I'll be on a racetrack soon  . | ||
| Buellgirlie |
life doesn't give you what you can't handle. you just have to believe that you can handle it. you're getting stronger every day, when you lean into the wind and keep on going. good luck, D | ||
| Lowflyer |
Doughnut, Is there a reason you are not searching nationwide for an LE position? If that's what you want to do, it seems like the possibilities may be endless. FBI, CIA, and US Marshals are almost always hiring. | ||
| Doughnut |
I used to have a "family", (fiancee') that I wanted to stay in S. WI with, then retire to the North. I don't have that now. I really can't afford the missed work, or the travel.  (Message edited by Doughnut on February 17, 2006) | ||
| M1combat |
I'm pretty sure there's a LEO position open here in Prescott (they may be just collecting resume's). Some of the best sportbike roads on the planet are here too... Find all the county and city web-pages in your area. After that, expand. If that's what you want to do... Do it. Wendy's has a 99c menu... I find the Jr. BBQ cheese burger and a 5pc chicken nuggets hits the spot . Works every time. Still more spendy than buying food from the grocery store though. In any case, PM me if you feel like it. | ||
| Steve_mackay |
Doughnut, gimme a call or email me when it gets warm We'll go for a ride. I think I got a spare bike or two you can ride Ramen noodles are LOTS cheaper than Wendys Also, ya need a good home cooked meal sometime, we don't live THAT far away. You're welcome to come by. Things could be *MUCH* worse. You could have been married. Could have had kids, and could have bought that house when the relationship was ended. Trust me, I've been there, done that. Far more drama then I care to remember, but it has made me a stronger person because of it. Like the old saying goes, that which doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. (Message edited by Steve_mackay on February 17, 2006) | ||
| Newfie_buell |
Hey, Come to Newfoundland?!? Lots of damm fine looking women, cost of living is pretty low and jobs are here if you look and are not particular. Keep the faith. | ||
| Oldog |
Day-um dougnut! glad that you decided to share, I will say a prayer for you hang in, Henric's advice sounds good, WE are all with you MY Friend, please keep us posted | ||
| Doughnut |
Newfie, you really, truly have no idea how tempting that sounds. Have always had wander lust, just always had to control it. MacKay, I will take you up on that ride come better weather. We, Darcey and I, are still in the same house. I am on the couch, giving her the bedroom. I will likely leave almost everything for her. I don't need much. Still in my head thinking, "Maybe she'll change her mind.", dumb ass that I am. Embarassing, the tides of sorrow and tears just seem to hit out of no where, gotta be careful about where I am and who is around. | ||
| Steve_mackay |
Jon, I can't stress this ENOUGH. I understand you have a broken heart. It's completely understandable in your situation. But do *NOT* leave her everything. It's unfair to yourself. And you will regret this later on when you come to your senses. I am in no way shape or form dissin' Darcey. It's just what FAIR for you. | ||
| Jlnance |
I'd have to second what Steve said. If you're having to choose between gas and food it's kind of crazy not to have a few possesions you could sell if you needed to do something crazy. Like eat. And I'm certainly not saying you should try and screw her over. If you are both on good terms, you should be able to come up with something you both think is fair. Finally, I got divorced last year, so I know a little of how you're feeling. Having friends at a time like this is wonderful. Sometimes the friends who knew you as a couple are not comfortable after you split up. So you may have to make new friends. Steve offered you dinner. Take him up on it. It will make you feel a whole lot better. |
