| Author | Message | ||
     12r |
1. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year. 2. All beds have special L-shaped top sheets that reach up to armpit level on a woman but only waist level on the man lying beside her. 3. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread. 4. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving. 5. The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty. 6. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do. 7. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris. 8. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds. 9. When paying for a taxi, never look at your wallet as you take out a note - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare. 10. If you lose a hand, it will cause the stump of your arm to grow by 15cm. 11. Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning, even though the husband and children never have time to eat them. 12. Cars and trucks that crash will almost always burst into flames. 13. A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium. 14. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth. 15. All single women have a cat. 16. Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant. 17. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at one. 18. Creepy music coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated. 19. Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper cuttings - especially if any of their family or friends has died in a strange boating accident. 20. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involved martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessor. 21. During a very emotional confrontation, instead of facing the person you are speaking to, it is customary to stand behind them and talk to their back. 22. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your room will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish. 23. Dogs always know who's bad and will naturally bark at them. 24. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other. 25. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch-enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gases, lasers and man eating sharks that will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape. 26. Having a job of any kind will make all fathers forget their son's eighth birthday. 27. Many musical instruments - especially wind instruments and accordions - can be played without moving the fingers. 28. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off. 29. It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting. 30. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty. 31. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps. | ||
| Kdan |
32. Car tires make a squealing noise. Every time. Even when accelerating from 80. On dirt. | ||
| Mountainrider |
33 Sex is always better with the other persons spouse. | ||
| Aldaytona |
33. Almost every motorcycle make the same sound when accelerating. 34. One "Redneck" always kicks the crap out of a whole chapter of 1%ers, at the same time. | ||
| Cochise |
12R!!! That was awesome, although you may not be the author, I gave you a five. | ||
| Tramp |
35. shots fired in the desert will always ricochet loudly off of something nearby. (hilarious thread- 5 more stars) | ||
| Glitch |
36. What ever you do, do not open that door. | ||
| Djkaplan |
37. Scientists of the future will be able to create artificial gravity in space, but not seatbelts. | ||
| Johnnylunchbox |
38. Guns never need to be reloaded. 39. All you have to when you don't have a key to a locked door, is shoot the door in the general vicinity of the doorknob. 40. People running from a car that is chasing them usually manage to stay ahead for about 20 seconds until they can safely jump to the side out of harms way. | ||
| Tq_freak |
This is some funny Sh*T, i wish i could think of some more | ||
| Tramp |
genius.lunchbox | ||
| 12r |
Cochise: I'm not the author but thanks anyway  Keep 'em coming ! | ||
| Djkaplan |
41. No matter how desperate he is to get away, if the villain is on a motorcycle, he'll always have enough time for a stylish wheelie before he crashes and, as per observation #12, bursts into flames. | ||
| Bomber |
when a cowboy over 6' enter the saloon, the player piano always stops playin | ||
| P0p0k0pf |
42. If someone with super strength picks a person up by their neck, lifting them a foot or more in the air, you should always look at the victim's feet to make sure they are really off the ground, not just built like Gumby. | ||
| Blake |
42b. Holding the flame of a lighter to a single sprinkler-head in a building will set off every sprinkler-head on the grid. That one is so universally prevalent in Hollywood productions that it's actually become conventional wisdom. In reality, each sprinkler head has its own self-contained heat-activated seal. (Message edited by blake on December 13, 2005) | ||
| Raraf |
My fave: 43. When a computer has top secret info on it, you can destroy it by shooting the monitor. | ||
| Ara |
44. Never act cocky when you're in the cellar, sewer, or other dark, dank, spooky place. If you do, the person you smarted off to will watch you die. Badly. In a very unpleasantly messy fashion. 45. Good guys ride superbikes with knobby tires. That's how they can catch the bad guys. 46. Riding up Stairways 101 is part of the curriculum in bad guy school. 48. | ||
| CJXB |
In reality, Don't wreck my preconceived notions by introducing reality Blake, sheesh !! CJ  | ||
| Light_keeper |
49. You can always hide from the bad guys by standing so when the door is opened you are behind it. 50. To escape from 49 all you have to do is quickly move around the door and close it. the bad guys will never notice until you close a door down that hall.  | ||
| Johnnylunchbox |
51. Any dog regardless of breed, when attacking a human will always firmly latch itself onto the forearm of said victim/villain. | ||
| Johnb |
52. In the vacuum of outerspace, lasers/flames are always visible, spacecraft make cool noises, and characters can survive by holding their breath. | ||
| Tq_freak |
53: In a car chase, if a fire hydrant is hit it will shoot water over 10 feet into the air in reality this can only happen in cali because the actual mechanical value is 5 feet under ground so it wont freeze in the winter. Cali has the valve at the surface. | ||
| Light_keeper |
54. When ever you jump off a bridge into unknown water it will always be deep enough and you will always have enough breath to stay under until the bad guys finish shooting at you. 55. There is never any traffic on the other side of a draw bridge if you are so inclined to jump it. 56. If you shoot at a car that is getting away and hit it, often there will magicly appear a pile of dirt that will launch it in to the air just prior to it blowing up. | ||
| Firemanjim |
Ah,so,Blake san.Grasshopper has much to learn.Deluge sprinkler system has all heads activated by tripping one detector.Course Hollieweird has taken that and as you said made all sprinkler systems activate by setting one head off,it just ain't so. Kinda like all car wrecks blow up in fiery explosions,in 26 years and countless car fires,never once seen it. The best one I saw lately was where the nitrous bottle in the bad guys wrecked car causes a massive explosion which is funny as nitrous is not flammable----dopes!! | ||
| Oldog |
57. when the villian or side kick is shot they are knocked arse over teacup or thrown several feet back by the round, even a 9mm round has this effect. 58. after a car jump the auto will continue to operate some what normaly 59. villians can be hideously wounded and after several minutes get up for a last strike at the hero, | ||
| Ara |
60. You will never remember that the undead are flammable until all of your friends are dead and you and your girlfriend are the last ones alive. | ||
| Natexlh1000 |
61. Zombies only LOOK like they're stumbling along at 3/4 MPH. They will always catch you if you run. It might seem as though you could casually walk away from them without spilling your beer but don't be fooled. | ||
| Whodom |
62. Operatives back at the super-secret security agency will be able to, upon request, instantly pull up on their computer complete and thoroughly detailed plans, including 3-dimensional computer renderings, for all HVAC systems, electrical systems, etc. in a ~50 year old building in a city ~2000 miles away. These plans will be 100% accurate and it will take the computer operator a maximum of ~10 seconds to identify the obvious entrance/escape route from the building or the one wire to cut which will disable the entire building security system. (Message edited by whodom on December 13, 2005) | ||
| Johnnylunchbox |
63. Cell phones work everywhere, even in the middle of the Mexican desert (see "24") while I can't get a signal on the west side of manhattan. 64. Going through glass (either jumping or being thrown) causes no injury or pain and is sometimes the preferred method of escaping a sticky situation. 65. All knives when thrown will always become embedded blade first into whatever object/person they've been thrown at. I love this thread. |
