| Author | Message | ||
     CJXB |
THINGS THAT ANNOY ME !! People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is, where is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is? People who are willing to get off their a$$ to search the entire room for the tv remote because they refuse to walk to the tv and change the channel manually.. People who say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". D@#% right! What good is cake if you can't eat it? People who say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the h#@% would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? People who say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the d@#% floor. People who say "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine? When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it and it can't be improved. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new. When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest d@#% thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer? When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumba$$? | ||
| Ingemar |
Good stuff! Reminds me of the following because I once got it in the mail along with the stuff posted above. Stupid People - Here's Your Sign Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say, "I'm Stupid" That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? Youwouldn't ask them anything. It would be like, "Excuseme...oops, never mind. I didn't see your sign." ... It's like before my wife and I moved. Our house wasfull of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in ourdriveway. My friend comes over and says, "Hey, youmoving?" "Nope. We just pack our stuff up once ortwice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here'syour sign." A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddyof mine, we pulled his boat into the dock, I lifted upthis big 'ol stringer of bass and this idiot on thedock goes, "Hey, y'all catch all them fish?" "Nope -Talked 'em into giving up. Here's your sign." I was watching one of those animal shows on theDiscovery Channel. There was a guy inventing a sharkbite suit. And there's only one way to test it."all right Jimmy, you got that shark suit on, it looksgood...They want you to jump into this pool of sharks,and you tell us if it hurts when they bite you.""Well, all right, but hold my sign. I don'twanna lose it." Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck intoone of those side-of-the-road gas stations. Theattendant walks out, looks at my truck,looks at me, and I SWEAR he said, "Tire go flat?" Icouldn't resist. I said, "Nope. I was driving aroundand those other three just swelled right up on me.Here's your sign." We were trying to sell our car about a year ago. Aguy came over to the house and drove the car aroundfor about 45 minutes. We get back to the house, hegets out of the car, reaches down and grabs theexhaust pipe, then goes, "Darn that's hot!" See? If he'd been wearing his sign, I could have stopped him. I learned to drive an 18 wheeler in my days ofadventure. Wouldn't ya know I misjudged the height ofa bridge. The truck got stuck and I couldn't get itout no matter how I tried. I radioed in for help andeventually a local cop shows up to take the report.He went through his basic questioning. No problem. Ithought for sure he was clear of needing a sign...until he says "So..is your truck stuck?" I couldn't help myself! I looked at him, looked back at the rig, then back to him and said, "No I'm delivering a bridge...Here's your sign!". | ||
| Light_keeper |
A couple of years ago My wife broke both ankles in an ATV accident. After she got out of the hospital she had two of those moon boot casts on and spent lots of time in a wheel chair. We were out shoping and someone we knew walked up to her and said "Oh have you been hurt?" and then said with out waiting for an answer "You look like you might have trouble getting around with those things on your feet". My wife who usually does not have a smart A$$ comeback said " No I put these on to see how many people I could get to feel sorry for me." While in the Coast Guard I saw lots of people who needed a sign. There was the Guy who was lost and did not know which way to get back to the harbor. When we asked to see his charts he took out this plastic placemat (not even the correct area) that Clearly had marked on the bottom in red bold letters "Not to be used for navigational purposes." His excuse was that he thought that ment only ships could not use it. When we pointed out that it was not even for this area he asked how he was supposed to know that. I replyed that it is possible that long Island sound was printed on the chart by mistake and it should have said Cape Cod but what do I know. They even mis named all of the towns on the chart with Conneticut and New York names. But I pointed out that may be why they did not want him to use it for navagation. Does he qualify for a sign?  | ||
| Jugallo94 |
I remember seeing a sign on a trip up to Bad Axe Michigan on a long rolling hill section of road that read the following: DO Not Pass When Opposing Traffic is Present. I had to pull over and think for a minute about how many idiots tried this for a sign to actually be put up. | ||
| U4euh |
My wife's favorite is " please put litter in its place" Now for it to be litter, doesn't it have to be on the ground? She keeps waiting to go to court over that one! | ||
| Naughtynurse |
People who are willing to get off their a$$ to search the entire room for the tv remote because they refuse to walk to the tv and change the channel manually.. } | ||
| Mr_grumpy |
I hate it when I'm lying on the ground moaning, or hopping around swearing the air blue cos I'm in pain. Someone always asks, "Are you alright?" Of course I'm not you f****** moron! Go get a sign. | ||
| Hammer71 |
"Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch out after you wear them awhile." "Take your hands off the car, or I’ll make your birth certificate a worthless document." "If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired." "So you don’t know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?" "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I’m warning you not to do that again or I’ll give you another ticket." "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?" "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey $#*!." "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven." "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC." "Just how big were those two beers?" "No sir, we don’t have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we’re allowed to write as many tickets as we want." "I’m glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail." "You didn’t think we give pretty women tickets? ...... You’re right, we don’t. Few of my favorites through the years. wish I had dash cam for some of the reactions.. Still havent gotten the correct answer to Mickey Mouse question. |
