| Author | Message | ||
     Odbuffalo |
Okay, Ill post it here because some of you guys know where Im coming from. Any insight? I think a lot of you guys are my age. Ive always loved bikes from my first RM50 in 1979. My wife hates all motorcycles, but when we met 10 years ago I was riding a ZX7, sold it, got married, have 2 kids and now my passion is rekindled to get a Buell. Yes we all know they are dangerous but she just has this hate, doesnt like them and I dont know why. I think alot has to do with the old stereotyping of a motorcycle rider. She's told me I could go ahead and get one, but that she wouldnt be happy. So about twice a year I ask (beg) to get a Buell and I give in — missing out on another year. So do I let here "get her way" or let her "get used to it"? Long story short, I sold my 02 Supercrew and am now driving a $3000 old Benz ( = no car payment) so I could get the Buell. Anyone have similar experience? Thanks guys. | ||
| Altima02 |
Make a big deal about it. Show her how excited you are about it and try to include her. Take her to the dealer, take her to some bike shows or meets as well. Let her know that while you love the Buell, you also love her and want her to be included. Try not to let it become a situation where you are picking the bike over her, but you want the bike and her. My point: try to gradually increase her participation into the 'motorcycle world' | ||
| Nevrenuf |
not at all  and three of the bikes are legally in her name. just gotta convince her what fun it would be. | ||
| Hammer71 |
Has she ever been on one? If so was it a bad experience? That may be an issue there. If no to either take her for a ride if shes willing and show here how much fun they are. Also explain how much of a stress reliever they are. Had same issue at one time and these methods cleared it up perfectly. Good luck. | ||
| New12r |
I got lucky with my wife, she likes to ride and even if she didnt she would never take it away from me. Explain to her your passion for riding, explain that after a ride your mood will be much better than before. My wife loves it when I come home after a ride, I give her the attention she wants and needs because I am happy. | ||
| Davy_boy |
Just buy the bike if that's what you really want . Life is to short and you can get just as dead in a car or crossing the street for that matter . | ||
| Djkaplan |
Don't let Nevrenuf take her for a ride. He and his wife are the fastest 2-up riding couple I've ever seen on any brand or type of motorcycle. I know this because I spent quite a bit of time behind them... | ||
| Midknyte |
My standard anecdotal advice to those who still have bikes - never get rid of it before getting the next one, lest you have to [re]justify having one at all. | ||
| Starbellied_sneetch |
I disagree about getting her involved. Just get the bike, since she's already given her "permission" and eventually she'll see that it's not interfering with her life. Five years ago when I bought my first bike, my girlfriend said she'd leave me if I bought a bike. That pissed me off, so I bought one. Now I have five. She doesn't care at all anymore as long as I don't try to make her participate. Hell, she buys me gear and accessories now. Just buy one and see what happens. Maybe buy a used one so you can get your money back out of it if it doesn't work out. | ||
| Odbuffalo |
Thanks guys. I appreciate the wisdom. Im not sure why the strong dislike. Her X had a Harley and the guy is a jackass so maybe thats part of it. I dont think she's ever ridden on a bike before and dont think she ever will, except for my 1981 Z50 maybe. She knows how I feel about bikes and she wants me to be happy but that means she'll be unhappy—for a little while anyways | ||
| Hughlysses |
By all means talk to her about it. Is she worried about you getting hurt? If so, sign up for an MSF course before you get the bike (not a bad idea anyway if you haven't ridden in 10 years and especially if you've never taken one) and explain to her what that entails and how you're serious about being a smart/safe rider. Is she worried about the bike "taking you away from her"? Lots of wives participate in Badweb events. My wife wasn't exactly wild about the idea when I got my first, but she soon saw it was a "sanity" issue for me to be able to ride. At first it was "I'm happy for you and hope you enjoy it, but don't expect ME to get on that thing". Now she enjoys riding with me. Work on her- she'll come around. | ||
| Greenlantern |
Do not justify, DO NOT make it a competition between Wife and bike, just buy the bike and go on with your life. Your wife will either lose interest after awhile and leave you alone or she will take interest in the sport and the more the merrier. Good luck. | ||
| Odbuffalo |
Ahhhhhhh, Im glad I posted this, its like therapy. I feel much better now. Thanks. These are all great point and I like the idea of taking the MSF course to, that might help her feel better also. Thanks guys. | ||
| Spiderman |
Here's a good one (mopst)women like to spew out at men. COMPROMISE From what I have been told and experienced, relationships are about finding equal footing. It is obvious she knew you had a passion for motorcycles and you, here comes that word again, compromised and sold it so you two could get married and have kids, ets, etc. Well Now it's her turn to compromise and let you get back into the motorcycle game. If this doesn't work tell her you are taking up a insane sport like "bungee diving with sharks" that would make motorcycling seem tame too in comparison...  | ||
| Bmwdavid |
Man I hope it works out for you both. Its when I read posts such as this is that I really appreciate my wife. I had a bike when we met 32 years ago...took her for a ride and she liked it. Long story short-I've had over 35 bikes during our 30+ years together. I can basically go out and buy a bike or car any time with no reaction from my wife. Then again...I put up with her love which is animals. Lots and lots of animals, dogs/cats/horses/wild animals you name it we've have it or had it! David | ||
| Ft_bstrd |
I think deep down, wifes and girlfriends who have never been exposed to motorcycles have the same beliefs that all who ride will eventually die at the hands of the bike. I expressed a desire to buy a bike to my wife. It was at a time when I really needed a hobby, a personal interest, something that was just for me. My wife explained her fears. She was afraid that I would not be safe, that I would be reckless, and that I would leave her in a financial hardship should something happen to me. I signed up for an MSF course (thanks Chad), I bought the best gear I could buy, I inform her where I am going, when I will be back, and if I am am going to miss that time mark, I call. I also increased both my life insurance and my disability insurance. Motorcycling is a dangerous hobby. We lost three Buells, a GSXR and a V-Strom the weekend of MBIV. Luckily it appears that all will be just fine. The risks associated with our hobby can be minimized. I think she will be happier knowing that you have done everything you can do to minimize the risks. Sometimes minimizing risks is perception. Sometimes it is reality. Not riding at night is a real reduction in risk. Not telling her that five riders went down in two days is a reduction in perception of risk. In the end, I think you guys need to communicate about this. She needs to know how important this is to you. You need to understand exactly what her concerns are and genuinely address them as best as possible. Some women try to control their husbands by granting permission, guilt, etc. I don't know if this is the case or not, but in the end that tact only creates resentment. Many an affair was the result of too tight a reign by a spouse. My wife understood that I needed to ride. I needed something that was just mine and mine alone. I love her more for recognizing that and being willing to accepting an additional measure of risk and worry to allow me that. If you just "buy the bike", you will cross this communication bridge sooner or later. Things could get really ugly until you do. If you cross the bridge before you purchase the bike, I think the long term outlook for your relationship will be much better. Good luck. | ||
| Nevrenuf |
i'm glad i never had to go that far spidey. i feel safer on two wheels | ||
| Chadhargis |
Well, here's my story. I was in a similar position. My wife's father was a fireman. His job included working crash scenes. He told her that he never worked a crash involving a motorcycle where the rider lived and that anyone who ride a motorcycle is just "asking for it". She hates motorcycles, and is convinced that I am going to die every time I go ride. That being said, I tried to do the right thing. I didn't ride when I met her, but used to when I was a kid. I was really into sports cars, but couldn't afford anything worth owning. I decided I wanted another motorcycle. I was 28 at the time, and the last bike I'd owned put me in the hospital for 5 days and through two surgeries. My wife said I was crazy, but didn't really say much else. It was September, and heading into winter, but I'm sort of a "research it to death" kind of guy, and wanted to make a wise decision. I wanted to visit several shops, take the MSF course, etc. One Saturday I told her that I was going to go bike shopping. She gleefully said, "Ok, can I go?". I was happy she wanted to be involved. We got about 2 miles down the road when she started in on me. "You're not really going to buy a motorcycle? They are so dangerous! You're going to get killed! Don't you remember what happed last time you rode one? You are so stupid!" Ect. ect. ect. I bit my lip, turned the car around and headed toward home. I got to my driveway, and told her to get out. She did. I went and bought a motorcycle that day. No research, no MSF class, nothing. I couldn't even ride it home since I didn't have a license and it was pouring down rain. My wife fell to the floor and curled up in a fetal position and cried while chanting, "you're gonna die, you're gonna die". (This is all true...I'm not making this crap up here!). Fast forward 7 years. I've had a number of bikes. I ride every chance I get. I do track days. I teach MSF courses. My wife still hates motorcycles and I'm not dead yet.  It's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission. | ||
| Buellinachinashop |
I'm sure she does things you don't like. Every relationship has trade offs. Its not like you're just getting into this, you've had a history of it, you enjoy it. Most of the time women don't give a rats @ss about how dangerous things are, all they see is that you're doing something away from them, outside the relationship. What's next? Your balls get removed before leaving the house because she's affraid you'll cheat? Get another bike and enjoy your hobby. BUT don't let your hobby be a financial burden on your relationship..this is YOUR hobby, find ways to afford it on your own. | ||
| Tailspining |
First hand experience, I went the way Hughlysses suggests. My wife felt the same way about bikes and I hadn’t been on a bike since 1979. I explained to her that I was thinking about getting a bike but was unsure if I would be comfortable riding one. (NOT REALLY). I told her I wanted to take the motorcycle safety course to see if I would still enjoy it. The MSF course gave me the necessary information to quell my wife’s safety concerns. I showed her the information and how the MSF course teaches defensive riding skills. I’ve been riding my XB9R for over two years now. She knows it’s my thing; it’s what I like to do. Oh, this year I’m taking the Experienced Rider course, just to make sure she continues to stays of my back. | ||
| Lost_in_ohio |
I did the same thing....had a bike got married couldn't afford it rent, and living in the big city so I sold it. After 10 years of no bike money situation is better so I felt the time was right. She resisted at first. I looked very actively with her and kids in tow for 6 months. She finally said buy it and leave me alone. She is happy that I get that much enjoyment out of it. She says she doesn't understand why I enjoy it so much. | ||
| Buelleghoulie |
Does it matter, really, what she wants you to do? Its your life man. If she wants to do something and your all no no no..she prolly will do it anyways. I think the both of you have to realize that not everything that you do as an induhvidual is going to be acceptable to the team. If you have disposable cash, no crack habits or other problems, then really there is no justifiable reason why you cant do something that you want to do. I had to do the same as lost in ohio and tailspining with explaining to there wives as I had to with my mother. On my own since 18, Im 29, I have my own house, career, puppies. Yes she was all OMG don't do it! blah blah blah. Well I explained, and $ one so now she cant say anything, cuz its done. Be like Mike...Just do It! | ||
| Wolfridgerider |
It's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission.  That works for tattoos too! My wife busted me riding a wheelie down the driveway the other day. I got the hairy eye for a few minutes  and then it was over. When I take my wife for a ride, I am very careful not to do anything that may scare her. No fast riding, no knee dragging turns, no nothing. Just nice and easy to keep her calm. I think it helps. | ||
| Macbuell |
I've been thinking about this same subject. I'm seeing this woman who "doesn't do motorcycles". Her father was a doctor and he convinced her that motorcycles are way too dangerous. She has told me that she respects my decisions and that she wouldn't stop me from riding. I keep waiting for that tune to change. Hopefully it won't. | ||
| Ridrx |
I'm with Chadhargis...*it's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission...but only after you have at least tried to talk to her about how strongly you feel. I'm like most here, had a bike when I met my wife. Sold it to buy a house,etc. 14 yrs later I mention getting another one at dinner one night. She stops eating, looks up at me and says..."long as your insurance is paid up,just be careful"... I bought my 12R within a month. I guess we both knew I was going to get one either way(*see above quote), but "asking" her at least gave her a chance to voice her opinion and feel like she took part in the decision making. The other side of this is if you talk to her and she repeatedly says no, then you are "disobeying a direct order" if you buy anyway. I say, if she loves you, she won't leave over a bike, especially after she sees how HAPPY you are after a good ride. Isn't happiness the whole point to a relationship? Good luck with whatever you do, hopefully an agreement can be reached that pleases both of you. | ||
| Ft_bstrd |
I think many women have been given advice by individuals with incorrect perceptions. Emergency room nurses and doctors don't see anyone who wrecked and were ok. They don't see anyone who doesn't wreck. It's like listening to a mortician who tells you to avoid life because everyone he sees who has tried it has died. The new "Squidvision" motorcycle show doesn't help. | ||
| Cityxslicker |
get the bike. If she rides with you great. If she doesnt ride with you great. But at least you will have a bike to RIDE. Dreaming and wanting will not get you out of the driveway | ||
| Jaimec |
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| Glitch |
MrsG knows that me without motorcycling isn't me at all. | ||
| Macbuell |
Jaimec, that's pretty funny. Is that a real ad? All I know is that if I give up motorcycling because of a woman, I am going to resent her for it and that isn't a good thing for a relationship. If it's my decision, then that's a different story but I can't see myself ever making that decision. |
